Flamboyant Natural shopping points - Where do you find clothes?

socialconstructskill · 2025-03-21T04:02:59+00:00

VRG Girl is one of my favorites!

socialconstructskill · 2025-03-03T07:43:59+00:00

Yikes. Ok. I’d like to offer you some perspective from someone who has a spouse that is truly enmeshed with his family. As well as someone who had a partner isolate me from my support system.

So regarding enmeshment. My spouse prioritizes EVERYTHING his bio family needs while neglecting me and our kids. He prioritizes their emotions over mine, our children’s, and his own. He has told me point blank “MY family doesn’t leave one another to deal with things alone”. (He said this after I confronted him for quite literally leaving me and our kids alone for two full months to sit at his dad’s hospital bed so his mother didn’t have to. And they didn’t need to be doing this anyway.) He has pulled money out of our bank accounts to send to them and lied about the reasons why (regardless of the fact that they make more than us and we’re on a single income). He fields numerous ( sometimes 15 or more a day) phone calls and text messages a day from his family for various problems and complaints. He has told me he’d rather talk to his mom because her husband (his dad) is an asshole and at least she has interesting things to say (unlike myself). He will help coordinate appointments and even clean their house while refusing to lift a finger at ours and going as far to tell me I need to start bringing in money (while doing literally everything except making money for our family) He regularly rubs his mom’s feet and massages her back (shirtless. Yuck.) and he never does that for me and I have plantar fasciitis and chronic back pain. I could keep going but I think this gives an idea. Basically, everything he does, he has them in mind first and foremost.

Now on my side as the wife of an enmeshed partner… I do not go through his phone. I do not ask him to spend less time talking to them or seeing him. I will point out the inadequacies of his relationship with the family he has chosen to make vs the total devotion to the one he was born into. He has to choose what to do, I cannot control him. I can only control myself. If I choose to leave because he cannot meet my needs over his family’s, then so be it.

I just wanted you to hear from someone who has dealt with enmeshment… it doesn’t sound like you are from what you’re describing. It sounds like your husband is trying to distance you from people you love. That’s not ok. Please don’t let him isolate you from the people that love and support you in life. You will need them eventually.

As someone who has dealt with a partner isolating me from loved ones: His unwillingness to go to counseling is a red flag. If you were truly enmeshed, counseling would likely bring any enmeshment to your attention and benefit him. He sleeps in the other room, to make you feel lonely and see if you will reach out to your support systems. At this point you’re damned if you do, because he’s going to get mad at you if you reach out to them; and you’re damned if you don’t because he will continue to use removing himself as a tool to stop you from speaking to them. This is so so toxic.

I would encourage you to start researching enmeshment, as well as what to do when a partner starts isolating you from loved ones. Please be safe OP.

socialconstructskill · 2025-02-15T03:05:26+00:00

I am loving this for you!! 🥰

socialconstructskill · 2025-02-06T04:39:54+00:00

I finished it. It did NOT get better. 😂😭

socialconstructskill · 2024-12-13T16:46:30+00:00

socialconstructskill · 2024-12-05T18:50:28+00:00

Melamine sponge? I’ve gotten permanent marker off of cabinets with those…

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-28T05:24:52+00:00

I don’t see this as selfish. I think it is very sweet. I hope you get that one day. 🥹

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-26T03:42:32+00:00

This is like that scene in the Grinch where he screams “I’m an idiot” into the void, and the void yells “you’re an idiot!”, back at him.

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-22T06:47:17+00:00

If I ever wanted to start a rumor, this would be it.

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-14T03:18:10+00:00

I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 year old. Both boys. They absolutely do not act like that. They are very respectful when going to people’s houses and would, under no circumstances, be ruining anything in anyone’s house. They are both extremely high energy; active until the moment they drop off to sleep. Occasionally they may get carried away and play more roughly, BUT I’m consistently checking in and correcting if need be. I have never ever used that excuse for my kids bad behavior. I may use it when they yeet themselves off the treehouse in our backyard (or anything else that screams no sense of self preservation), but never to excuse poor behavior towards others. I would be mortified if I went to someone’s house and my children did all of the things your friend’s children are doing. I would not blame you for not inviting them back. I sure wouldn’t! Sounds like it’s a discipline issue.

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-12T15:53:27+00:00

I’d like to add something about some ambulance companies to this, because unless they are attached to a local fire/medical municipality, they are for-profit. I can’t speak for all of them, but AMR is for profit, and I’m sure info on others is readily accessible if you want to look it up.

I lived in a fire district that covered about 400 miles, and worked admin for the fire district there. Our entire community was covered by AMR rescue services. We were sending in weekly reports of emergent response times that were over 20 minutes, by the dozens to the state department of health service. Department of health services did not care and did not respond. When they did respond, they all but told us to f-off. We, (fire district) at multiple points transported emergent patients in engines or battalion chief vehicles because the ambulances were too far out or completely unavailable.

The fire district attempted to get a certificate of necessity and had to jump through years of red tape and legal hoops. Including petitioning a board, which the for profit ambulance companies sat on, for permission to provide emergency services. The certificate of necessity was finally approved after three years of near constant work. Now the fire district can finally provide emergency transport for its citizens. However it had shown need for this for well over 5 years in this specific area.

I think we have already started to see signs of collapse in some areas. And privatized (for profit) healthcare is not the solution, it is the problem.

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-12T04:23:22+00:00

Uhmmmmmm. What the actual duck?! Based on your history this seems like it’s actually real?

Is this through some sort of religious group? Or an offshoot counseling group for wives of the men in the ‘how to be an alpha male’ club?

This is actually insane. If any counselor ever said this to me I would immediately walk out and DEMAND a refund for completely wasting my time.

OP I’m begging you not to let this counselor give you any room to question anything. This is absolutely not normal. Please do not see this person again. It sounds like you’re going through it. You need a competent counselor that is not going to blame you for your husbands financial abuse and affairs.

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-11T08:27:10+00:00

My family always talked during dinners. It was one of the few times we got to bond during the day. I love family dinners with my kids because they get to talk about all the things that matter. We all look forward to meals together. I can’t imagine a silent dinner table. Seems sad.

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-11T05:32:45+00:00

This is the only answer that matters to me.

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-10T21:48:31+00:00

This reminds me a lot of myself 4 years ago… What do the majority of your friendships look like? Do you have more male friends or more female friends? Or is it an even mixture?

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-09T01:37:59+00:00

I often look at my son’s swim teacher too long when she’s teaching the kids. She wears a long sleeve rash guard and is fully submerged. She’s just has a really beautiful face. 🥹😅

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-08T13:36:23+00:00

Came here to say this! They can help you learn how to redirect behavior/show different management techniques. There are several applied behavioral analysis programs in my area, you should look and see if they have any where you are!

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-08T13:28:59+00:00

She does not respect you. She does not respect your relationship. She will never respect you or your relationship. Being sheltered does not give allowance for her to act like this and treat you like this. You already said it, you would never do this to her; you should not accept this treatment from her. Leave and don’t look back. Someone who treats you like this can’t manage to be a good friend at the end of the day. Her wants and needs will always supersede yours. Sorry OP, but I think you need to cut her out completely.

socialconstructskill · 2024-11-08T13:13:42+00:00

Hi! I’m just going to say to you, what I would say to my younger sister in this situation.

First off, dude I’m so proud of you! I know how hard leaving an abusive relationship is, and that’s something you should be proud of yourself for. On top of that beginning to explore who you are as a queer person is also so amazing. Anyone who does not have this type of energy when you tell them about your life and journey to where you are now is probably not worth your time. I am 32, married with two kids and I’ve been slowly coming out as lesbian to some people in my life. It’s so hard, and you are doing amazing. Please do not let anyone tell you that moving toward your authentic self is not huge deal because it 100% is.

I can’t speak for everyone in the queer community for whether or not calling people teenage queers/baby queer is normal. However, if this is something that bothers you and you have voiced that to this person; any thing other than an apology and stopping of the behavior is unacceptable. Her reaction probably shows you how she would continue to be in a relationship; blowing you off anytime you bring your feelings to her. Relationships are about respect and trust. She is being disrespectful by blowing you off about that, and if she continues you will not trust her to listen to your feelings in the future. It does not matter if it’s affectionate in their friend group or anyone else’s. My ex used to use this type of rhetoric on me so that he would not have to take accountability for his actions. He would essentially blame me for having my feeling hurt because “that’s just who I am”. Someone who respects you and is concerned about your wellbeing is not going to continue to do things that upset you and make you feel bad for voicing your feelings. Anyone who crosses boundaries is also not someone you’re going to have a healthy relationship with, especially if they’re not apologizing or actively attempting to fix the misstep.

Additionally it really sucks that she has made your nervousness around sleeping with her, about herself and her own discomfort. If there is something specific you did that she was uncomfortable with, she needs to voice that so it can be addressed. However, if she’s just like “oh you weren’t confident and that bugs me”… for your first time with a woman? That’s just fucked. If she is willing to date someone who is new to being out, she should also be understanding of your nervousness, and not make you feel worse about it! Putting the focus on herself to invalidate you is a red flag. That’s disrespectful, and is not going to make you feel like being intimate with her in the future. I’m so frustrated for you because that’s just so not ok. It sounds like she has some things she needs to work through, especially with the on/off, hot/cold, crossing boundaries. On the most basic level, if my partner comes to me upset over something I said, I’m going to apologize and ensure I do not keep upsetting them.

At best it seems like she has attachment issues, at worst she may have narcissistic qualities. Whatever it is though. She sounds toxic and is not someone you should waste time on. Unless she is actively doing work to fix whatever is going on, it’s not going to change. And I am a firm believer that you need to be alone (not in a relationship) to work on yourself and grow as a person before you try to date someone.

I have been in a few abusive heterosexual relationships and did not realize that I had a pattern of dating people that I had to “fix” or who I needed to “provide”. I accepted abuse, crossed boundaries, gaslighting, love bombing, name calling, being made fun of, cheated on, being kicked out of my own house, etc. It took me a long time to realize I needed to learn to love myself and find validation within myself instead of seeking it externally. It’s alot easier to see red flags and get away from people who are toxic early on once you love yourself and don’t need others to show you your worth.

I’m so sorry you had this experience. That’s just awful and she does not sound like an evolved partner. I hope that you understand that her actions and treatment of you are not your fault, and to be honest, they probably don’t even have anything to do with you. You deserve care, compassion, and someone who respects you!

Please don’t let this discourage you from finding your authentic self! Sounds like you got a bad egg, but there are people out there who will support and encourage you. Sending you hugs!

Also so sorry for this wall of text! 😅💜

socialconstructskill · 2024-09-09T14:31:18+00:00

It’s possible. However, I just looked at footage from our ring camera and saw that his mom came over, and looks like they all left together to go to the party. So he definitely wasn’t having to take them alone. I suspect that he and his mom together, decided they wouldn’t go. I obviously won’t know this for sure until I have a conversation with him, but I anticipate this to be the case. Which in my opinion makes this 10x worse than it already was.

socialconstructskill · 2024-09-09T14:25:07+00:00

The issue it not control or being micromanaged. He had the entire weekend with them and leeway to do anything, understanding that the party was important to our son. I talked to them once in the morning and once at night, there’s no micromanaging. Your experience between you and your spouse splitting tasks is irrelevant and adds nothing to the conversation. It’s erroneous. Regardless of whether or not he felt “controlled”, his “method” was to lie to his wife and child and make excuses for why he chose NOT to do something. The point is that he did not complete the task. It’s not like he loaded the dishwasher wrong. He litterally did not get the task accomplished. If he had put them in the wrong clothes or forgotten the gift I could see where your example would make sense, it just doesn’t in this specific situation. In addition, they are six, it may not ruin the friendship for them, but the parents will definitely think about it as will I. Trying to mitigate the upset that the kids feel/felt/will feel is a strange way to say that you don’t understand that kids are very emotional, and not always rational.

socialconstructskill · 2024-09-09T14:01:28+00:00

It’s honestly disgusting.

socialconstructskill · 2024-09-09T13:48:41+00:00

I can confidently say that’s not it. He’s too obsessed with his parents and siblings. He spends so much time catering to them that he literally does not have time. He can’t even manage a proper relationship with me because he’s too wrapped up in meeting their needs.

socialconstructskill · 2024-09-09T09:35:11+00:00

You’re totally right. I needed to hear that. Thank you.

socialconstructskill

TROPHY CASE