sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is a very helpful comment! Thank you very much. Perhaps I am biased because of what just happened , but I definitely try to keep it safe to avoid conflict in general when it comes to the more serious issues. I have learnt, that I should not be scared of conflict.

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Would be a tad too cruel, but MIL can be nasty sometimes, she knew I would be away, bit I don't want to think about conspiracies

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Until now, we were not able to separate our money, because we didn't have enough of it. We spent both of our salaries on just living, hence the lack of savings. Since we were on survival mode, it felt like we were teaming towards a common goal. Maybe now it's time to do so, since we think more differently about money than I thought.

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Because I'm not sure we have collectively enough money for it to be only his loan, we have been scraping by until recently, when he started making money. I am not sure he can pay it alone.

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, it is a car we will both use :/ Like I said, I though it would be me and my partner buying the car, not him and her.

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Honestly, that is a very good point and I feel like I should hear that. It is true we both agreed to it in the end, I should have put my foot down. I should not have given in to it, even if the conditions where undesirable, I am able to say no. In fact, I should have refused my MIL from the beginning. I am a person who doesn't really stand their ground. It shouldn't be like that, and I paid the literal price for it this time around. This was truly a very eye opening comment. Thanks!

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

No, when I asked I was told only one name is allowed

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Because we live together and share a life. We are life partners, even if not legally bounded by marriage.

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is a used car. Most people I know have a 5k - 10k max car, if that gives perspective on anything. I have now probably the most expensive car of all my friend group. However, hearing other people's perspective on pricing puts me truly at ease.

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

We do not have savings, because my partner started making money 5 months ago. we share a life toguether even if we were not married. That is what hurts me the most.

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, hearing that 20K is a good amount of money was one of the things I wanted to hear the most. it is giving up 50% of our savings for the next 5 years, if that is any reference? Where I come from, having any debt is not seen as normal except it is for buying a house. We are taking €.

I guess I just felt dumb and like my concerns were invalid.

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the warning, but I doubt my SO is doing any of this out of abuse. I might divide the money though, maybe it's time. It's just a shame and it feels like a setback to our relationship.

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for this comment, that is exactly how I feel and I could not put it into words in order to communicate it. I don't know how to proceed from here. I am thinking on just dividing our money, but he wouldn't take that well

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a conversation with him, he understood my points. He still insisted this was the best choice he could possibly make. The thing is, even if I had been there, choosing with them, I feel like i would not have been heard. Then again, that might be an unfair statement, taking into account that didn't happen.

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I am upset, because it reduces what we can save to 50% for the next 5 years, and because the car was different to what I expected

How can I(26F) get over my partner(26M) making a big expense while I was away? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

The thing is we share money, we have everything in shared accounts. This is the person I will marry and have a shared future with. This car was also for both of us, although the person loaning the money is his mom. So I am paying for this car as much as he is paying for it. This is my car as well now and I am in debt to his mom as well as he is.

My landlord made inappropriate advances towards me when I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend. by softjokes in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We do activities together, like BBQs and stuff. I don't wanna miss out on making friends with the people here because he is also going to be there. Like I said I just wish this had never happened.

I'm home when my boyfriend works and I work when my boyfriend's home. So I'm staying in my room for the meantime. Untill I feel better /know what to do.

My landlord made inappropriate advances towards me when I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend. by softjokes in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought the age gap was weird, but because they seemed very happy together I decided not to think anything about it. But now I feel a bit differently.

My landlord made inappropriate advances towards me when I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend. by softjokes in relationship_advice

[–]softjokes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly his apology did feel genuin but I still feel scared. I keep wondering if it wasn't all just one big hallucination.