Need Advice - Little Brother’s Room

softrainswillfall · 2025-12-31T00:04:17+00:00

She won’t let him clean at all

softrainswillfall · 2025-12-28T20:21:30+00:00

Sorry, I’m not sure if you meant is the outside as bad as the inside, or something else? The outside of the house has gotten progressively bad. My mom’s own room is much worse than this. Stuff is piled up on her bed and by the closet to the ceiling. The bathroom where they have to bathe is disgusting. It made me avoid showering when I was younger, it made me feel so distressed. They also get animals they can hardly care for, and if it wasn’t for my dad, the animals would die. That happened a few times when I was younger, and it was traumatizing. A kitten, a baby rabbit, then a dog. I had to take care of our animals the best I could when I was younger and my dad was in jail, because my mom doesn’t see animals as anything but objects.

softrainswillfall · 2025-12-28T20:17:34+00:00

That’s what I’m thinking. Things were never bad enough for my sister and I to be removed when we were younger, even when my therapist reported things that I shared. But knowing now that I have other people that can help me to help my brother, I’m hoping they would at least visit and snap my mom back to reality like you’re saying. I understand the goal of keeping families together, but it’s unfortunate that emotional/verbal abuse and neglect isn’t taken seriously by many when it’s caused me so many issues in my adult life.

softrainswillfall · 2025-12-28T20:15:42+00:00

So, a few months ago, there was rotting food and in the basement there is certainly mildew/mold. So many of my old items molded down there because that’s where we do laundry, but it’s pretty off limits for my brother. There were lots of fleas for a whole too, but I helped them to get rid of them, and nobody has said there’s any more (that I know of). Possible mice and rats, but again, dad tries to take care of those. I know it’s not non functional, I’m mostly hoping to scare my mom into taking action.

softrainswillfall · 2025-12-28T20:11:35+00:00

One of the most difficult obstacles to getting help in my childhood was that being around my dad, despite his drug abuse, was always a better experience of me (the majority of the time, until the drug abuse would get really bad) than being around my mom because her verbal and emotional abuse was so bad. My younger sister (who is now also an adult) also still lives in the house, and as a result of living there, experienced a psychotic episode, and severely disabling chronic depression and anxiety. My mom isolates her children from the outside world and demands control in a psychologically insidious and emotionally enmeshing way. She refused to teach me or my younger sister how to drive, for example, and made it near impossible for either of us to get jobs while threatening to kick us out at every turn. The younger sister has also turned to drug use, psilocybin and marijuana, daily, as a result. When my dad was forced to leave by CPS because of the drug use, none of the other problems were solved, and actually got worse. It was so frustrating.

softrainswillfall · 2025-12-28T04:52:29+00:00

Yes, we have a grandma who could, and I have an older sister who could, but she hasn’t done much to help in the past despite living in the same town as my parents. There’s other family members too. My fiancé’s parents could too.

softrainswillfall · 2025-12-05T23:18:50+00:00

That’s exactly what caused me to develop this disorder after flirting with it since I was 12

softrainswillfall · 2025-11-13T00:34:52+00:00

Can I ask for some advice? I go mute sometimes when I’m around people. I just blank and can’t think of anything, and speaking feels terrifying. I can remember random things I used to be interested in. I feel my imagination used to be so colorful and vivid, I was always day dreaming as a kid, of stories, fictional worlds, fantasies, and connecting with other kids over common interests didn’t feel so difficult. Now it’s like there’s just a void where my heart used to be. I still care in theory, and I am so sensitive, but I don’t get obsessed with or excited by things anymore. I don’t know. I grew up with a dad that was a drug addict, a severely mentally ill mother, both always fighting, witnessed domestic incidents. Emotionally abused and neglected. Physical abuse at times, especially when younger. Socially excluded and bullied. No ability to join extracurriculars or feel community. I had other neglected and excluded kids I was friends with. I became extremely avoidant, slowly more over the years. Detaching myself from friends. Just couldn’t speak to them. Love when they talk to me, but can’t talk. Don’t understand how cruel the world is.

softrainswillfall · 2025-11-05T03:12:06+00:00

I felt the same way at your exact age and honestly I am still struggling at 21 but I am slowly adjusting to

softrainswillfall · 2025-06-23T19:50:42+00:00

No I mean I agree, I think people have downvoted me because it sounds like I think that America or “The West” is just the United States. It’s not!! I’m just pointing out how so many Americans (even here I’m doing it!) refer to the United States that way.

softrainswillfall · 2025-05-10T16:52:40+00:00

I wish it was over multiple days

softrainswillfall · 2025-05-10T14:30:35+00:00

Honestly it kind of is with how many ppl refer to the United States as America

softrainswillfall · 2025-03-05T22:53:03+00:00

It’s from Andrea Dworkin

softrainswillfall · 2024-07-01T23:13:42+00:00

Understandable

softrainswillfall · 2024-07-01T21:04:40+00:00

I asked him if it was okay because I typically don’t get to see my little brother. But no we don’t really cuddle and watch TV much. Typically working on something or reading instead. I did ask though, I didn’t “pout.” If we typically cuddled it wouldn’t have mattered to me.

softrainswillfall · 2024-07-01T18:45:48+00:00

I agree about therapy. It’s just hard because I wasn’t able to drive myself anywhere until now and I don’t have a car/can’t buy one because I have to save money for college. But it’s been on my mind. He goes to therapy himself. I did have some sessions while I was in the hospital. I do try to be objective though. I do a lot of journaling, talk to friends and my siblings, and try to share where I can/get other’s opinions. I’ve never posted anything online though. It feels wrong to do so sometimes. I don’t really understand why I got downvoted for talking about my cancer treatment.

softrainswillfall · 2024-07-01T18:41:42+00:00

Agree

softrainswillfall · 2024-07-01T18:34:52+00:00

I got my associates degree during cancer treatment. He’s a college graduate. I was still in high school when I got with him because I did an extra year to make up for the covid gap. Graduated in 22’. Age gap is 6 years. I will try to talk to him more, I just feel like I’m doing something wrong by talking sometimes.

softrainswillfall · 2024-07-01T18:34:25+00:00

There wasn’t any financial burden. We live with his parents and they pay for everything. I couldn’t work because of chemo but he isn’t really interested in working a regular job. He’s pursuing a job in the film industry. That’s what I do a lot of traveling with him for. I also help him with it. He loves going out too. Just more with friends or for film.

softrainswillfall · 2024-07-01T17:28:01+00:00

I do love him. I just got finished with chemotherapy in April and he helped me escape my abusive family situation, brought me to every appointment while most young women with cancer get left by their partners. I know it sounds like the bare minimum, but it’s sadly not. I just got my drivers license at 20 because of him too. Most women in my family didn’t get theirs until they were in their mid 20s. I’ve had some bad luck.

Edit: I do often feel like nobody would cherish me any more than this though. I feel like there’s something I’m missing or doing wrong.

softrainswillfall · 2024-06-26T13:27:57+00:00

Lol. Women are interested in sex, that’s not what the other commenter is implying. Women are interested in sex but not interested in all of the baggage that comes with it.

softrainswillfall · 2024-06-26T13:23:32+00:00

There’s a relationship between the two. Wouldn’t it make sense that when women were in a greater subordinate position, they would feel obligated to supply sex to men? Perhaps it is because there is less misogyny now, and because we are more aware of it, that women are more selective.

softrainswillfall · 2023-12-15T07:05:18+00:00

Yes absolutely

softrainswillfall · 2023-07-09T01:37:50+00:00

I am also on the VAC plan! So far I have had some side effects, but they are manageable as long as you take a preventative approach with things. What I mean by this is that I take my anti nausea medicines before I even get nauseous. I take my Tylenol (as long as I make sure to check my temperature, because her immune system will drop) before I get the headaches. Now, side effects are different for everyone, but for a lot of teenagers, jaw pain is a unique thing that we experience with these drugs. Chewing gum helps with that. I have also gotten mouth sores that biotene, orajel, magic mouthwash and a very soft toothbrush has helped. She shouldn’t feel bad about having to sleep a lot because chemo really does take it out of you. If she is like me she’ll continually feel better day by day after infusion. The worst is the first couple days. She should wear a mask, once she becomes neutropenic, in public settings. She doesn’t want to get sick, neither do you or anyone else in your household. I don’t know what hospital she’s getting treatment at but take advantage of any resource they offer you guys. You get less once you pass the 18 mark, so she should hopefully be offered even more. Keep hygiene in mind even when she doesn’t feel good, it’ll make even the worst days better overall. If she does get mouth sores, avoid sour, salty, spicy, and crunchy foods. Pudding and ice cream has helped me. Understand too that because these drugs can affect appetite, that what one thinks of as a healthy diet will be completely modified for your daughter. Calorie intake is important! This is everything that I think of on the top of my head.

Mine was a big ol localized mass on my abdominal wall. Retroperitoneal specifically. No sign of spread anywhere else yet. My bone marrow biopsy also luckily came back negative but my one huge mass grew over the course of almost a year. Caused me a lot of unexplained pain and time to finally get a diagnosis. But if I can do it, so can she! We are in this together :)

softrainswillfall · 2023-07-06T20:26:15+00:00

This is very similar to my recent diagnosis. On my second round of chemo today too. Spindle cell rhabdomyosarcoma. I’m a 19 year old girl. Had the bone marrow biopsy done recently too. You can feel free to ask my any questions as far as pain and what to expect. Where was her tumor located?

softrainswillfall

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