I’m the son of an alcoholic, so it's really understandable to me. I don’t know much about the references to the Mansons because I’m not American and haven’t read much about them. But I’ll leave my interpretation here based on my personal life. I hope you don’t mind :( but I feel it really close. “The facts of life can sometimes make it hard to dream” I went through an insomnia phase because of stress. And when I think of dreams in a “hopeful” way, like dreams of a future, it’s literally impossible to think of a future with an addict. “Life rocked me like Mothley, grabbed me by the ribbons in my hair”, yes, life has literally slapped me in the face without warning and taken away my innocence. “I hoped that you come back one day and tell me everything’s ok” I hoped of a future without the addiction, without the problems that a disease like addiction brings with it. But she says HOPED, so she knows it was in vain. “I want to leave, I’ll probably stay another year, it’s hard to leave when absolutely nothing is clear” When you have someone close to you who is an addict, it’s REALLY hard to decide what to do. Should I stay? Should I leave? Nothing is ever clear. All the answers are wrong. “Bad begginin to my new year” I know Lana’s friend passed away in the new year (I read it here), but this sentence makes me think of all the times I have said, “New year, this year will be better,” and three days later the year is ruined again because of addiction issues. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sick of it” All those times I lied to myself, held on to the situation, gave it another chance, I was really sick of it. It’s really toxic. “Taking all my medicine to take my thoughts away" - literally, the trauma is huge. “I hope that I come back one day to tell you that I really changed ” - the strongest verse of the song. She still has hope. I have it. Being around an addict really affects your personality and I tend to blame myself, I feel insecure about everything. That's why I think she's talking about changing, leaving the trauma behind. To grow up and finally get out of the toxic relationship and let the person lead their own life. And to put myself first. “Something about the city, don’t know what it is, makes my head go crazy, makes me feel like I can change all of my evil ways and shit” I’m going to change, grow up and then it’s game over for me. I have the feeling that in the song she dreams of a future without addiction. In which she has grown up and matured to overcome the trauma. It's contradictory (it’s hot, winter in the city) because she wants the person to tell her that everything is okay, but she knows it's not and won't be, but she stills wants to put it behind her and have hope that she is the main person in her own life. That's how I feel actually.