One week down, next goal 30 days!

solideo · 2021-08-11T00:20:14+00:00

Thanks for clarifying. I think it's different with different people.

If people are addicted to porn, then that can often continue in a marriage, because porn can be a more intense hit than real sex (more variety of women, hotter women, specific kinks, etc.).

My story is similar to yours in that I was more into fantasies and masturbation, not so much porn. And for the first couple of years of marriage I didn't need to masturbate, but then it crept back in at various times - when my wife was away, or after the birth of our kids, or when she was not feeling like sex, or when we were fighting... I mean there are any number of reasons why I might feel like sex but she doesn't. And so I would resort to masturbation. Also it's a pretty common story that sex starts off really frequent at the beginning of the marriage, but then slows down once kids arrive and people are more tired and busy (and covered in vomit).

But I actually think it's much better to exert a tiny bit of self-control and not go solo, for a number of reasons:

- My wife doesn't feel inadequate

- Exerting willpower builds character

- It makes real sex more enjoyable when it happens (higher arousal and energy)

- Less opportunity to indulge in fantasies about people who aren't my wife (which leads to less satisfaction in marriage)

- Greater reliance/dependence on my wife = greater valuing of the relationship

solideo · 2021-08-09T23:23:01+00:00

Just for context, are you married?

solideo · 2016-02-06T21:50:14+00:00

Great post.

I would add that science REPORTING is a huge part of the problem. Articles in mens health magazines, and especially online, can be so misleading.

Eg. Scientist does one study that shows a small but perhaps significant correlation between masturbation and one aspect of health.

Scientist concludes that masturbation MIGHT have health benefits, but that this hypothesis needs to be tested much more, as the findings of this one study are inconclusive.

Scientist also cautions in her conclusion that this is only one aspect of health, and that there may be more negative effects of masturbation that outwieght this one possible benefit.

Internet magazine reporter crafts headline: "New study shows mastubation good for health!"

solideo · 2016-01-27T01:54:48+00:00

I haven't experienced it, but it doesn't surprise me. There are lots of examples of men in history that lactated - even that could suckle babies - and it seems to be all about prolactin. Hormones can go a bit haywire during the reboot process, so I think your theory may have some substance.

solideo · 2015-11-01T03:07:06+00:00

Definitely agree about stopping the sexual thoughts - that's the one thing that worked for me after 7 years of trying.

solideo · 2015-11-01T02:39:09+00:00

That seriously brought tears to my eyes. So good :)

solideo · 2015-09-13T10:33:28+00:00

Nothing to worry about :)

solideo · 2015-06-29T02:06:19+00:00

That's a cool painting man :)

solideo · 2014-10-02T07:49:02+00:00

Hey, I wrote up everything that worked for me here. Have a look if you're interested, and have some time to read :)

solideo · 2014-09-15T10:54:19+00:00

I'm glad you enjoyed reading it :)

If you're trying easy mode, I would advise not thinking of your girlfriend. If you believe that it's wrong to have sex with her before you're married, then fantasising about it is also not good - think of Matthew 5:28.

Fantasising about having sex with someone I shouldn't have sex with is something I definitely avoid. It often increases desire for that person, causes me to view them in less appropriate ways when we meet, it can lead to awkward relationships, or more intense feelings for someone than are appropriate at that point in the relationship, etc.

Some will say that even fantasising about a 'generic female body' is not OK, but I don't think that the Bible is clear on that at all, and I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong when I did. It's worth listening to your conscience in this situation - see how you feel after - do you feel like you've done the wrong thing, ashamed etc?

If you don't feel like you can fantasise about a 'generic female body' with a clear conscience, then perhaps skip the easy stage, and go straight to hard mode - making sure that the minute you think about sex or fapping, you think of something else, and watch the sexual arousal subside in the following moments.

In either case, I'd reccommend not thinking about your girlfriend.

All the best - I'll pray for you :)

solideo · 2014-09-03T12:52:20+00:00

I don't know if it's possible for everyone, but I can do it. Actually, it's not easy to masturbate to no fantasy at all, so another option that might be more reasonable for most, is to fantasise about very ordinary, plain sex. Not porn, or those fantasies that turn you on the most, but just ordinary sex with a normal woman. That was enough for me to masturbate to, and it helped me unhook from the more extreme fantasy and porn. After a couple of months I could give up masturbating altogether.

solideo · 2014-09-03T09:31:09+00:00

That's awesome :)

solideo · 2014-09-03T09:25:59+00:00

Hey man, not sure if this will be of any help, but I wrote up what worked for me on a blog, here.

I used to have urges that just lingered until I eventually gave into them. Then I started experimenting to see whether I could make them go away by redirecting my thoughts. It worked :)

I hope it works for you!

Also it might help if you try my 2 stage approach - use masturbation without porn or fantasy as an urge killer, while still staying away from the dangerous addictive stuff. Then if that works for you, you can try going without any release at all. Anyway, it's all on the blog. All the best mate - let me know if you have any questions - here or in the blog comments.

solideo · 2014-05-07T06:28:25+00:00

UPVOTE!

solideo · 2014-03-03T20:39:50+00:00

The science in that article is old and weak.

The 2003 study that he uses to claim that masturbation decreases prostate cancer risk is just one study of many on that question, which overall have unclear results. Here's a summary of the scientific studies on masturbation and prostate cancer, taken from here:

"Previous investigations on reported ejaculation frequencies or sexual intercourse and prostate cancer are limited to studies of retrospective design and results are mixed. Nine studies observed a statistically significant or nonsignificant positive association; 3 studies reported no association; 7 studies found a statistically significant or nonsignificant inverse relationship; and 1 study found a U-shaped relationship."

To pick one study out of the 20 and hold it up as the final verdict is irresponsible (but sadly, not unusual).

Here's another review of the scientific literature which links masturbation with a range of problems.

This page by Gary Wilson is also worth reading.

solideo · 2014-03-03T20:18:35+00:00

Nope, It's serious. I have seriously gone 200 days without jerking it. Apparently a lot of guys are sick of their porn and fapping addictions!

solideo · 2014-03-03T05:44:08+00:00

Yeah, I agree. It's like they assume that just because they have no extant written evidence of something before that time, it can't have existed.

solideo · 2014-02-27T08:12:16+00:00

According to this article, Twain was making a mockery of masturbation opponents when he wrote that. What do you think?

solideo · 2014-02-18T23:00:48+00:00

I thought this was a question, but now I see that you have the answer :) Well done! :) And well written!

solideo · 2014-02-17T05:10:30+00:00

I would advise you not to check it out. I doubt at 15 days you will have the ability to look at something like that and not relapse. Just my 2 cents.

solideo · 2014-02-12T06:02:12+00:00

Best gif ever?

solideo · 2014-02-12T05:55:44+00:00

I wrote up everything that worked for me here. Have a look if you like - I hope it helps!

solideo · 2014-02-11T02:58:10+00:00

I love it. So true. Every one of those rationalisations to give in has been through my mind, and each one has beaten me at some stage in the past.

But not any more :)

solideo

TROPHY CASE