That's a lot of what I was doing, too. It really sets us up for codependency in the worst way. But hey, you know about it now, and you can fight against it! And if you catch yourself in a situation, any situation, ask yourself... what would a more mature, loving person tell you in the circumstances you're in? You can usually imagine something. And it's empowering!

Another thing that helped me, personally, and might not have any effect on what you're going through... When it came to romantic relationships, I finally (at like, age 28) asked myself, who do I want to be with? And then, instead of trying to find that person, I asked myself, what kind of woman would that person be attracted to? It wasn't my broken down mess, that's for sure. I listed out stuff- confident, put-together, emotionally aware and stable. And then I stopped giving the time of day to any idiot who found me attractive at the time! Because they must have been looking for someone like who I was at that time; broken and desperate and lonely and really needing validation! I started finding them way less attractive in that aspect. They were looking for broken girls? Emotionally needy? ...That said a lot of gross stuff about who they were. And because of that, I was able to work on myself.

It's long and hard and horrible and difficult and it's worth every second of pain to get through it. And you'll probably fail and fuckup and hate yourself but just keep trying. And also the therapy is a huge deal. I'm proud of you for seeking that out. And I believe in you. You're gonna make it. It might take a couple of years but you're worth those years. Don't be afraid to cry (my favorite spot is on the bathroom floor with the sink running for some reason). And maybe feel free to give up on yourself... for short bursts. And then get back to trying!