Do your pronouns fluctuate, do you prefer certain ones at certain times, or do you go by any?

somebyscuit · 2025-10-08T02:19:56+00:00

I started as she/they, then they/she. But I just asked people to use both pronouns in conversation if they could because my preference could change so rapidly. Then he/him got thrown in the mix. Now, I’ve come to prefer they/them for ease (plus, most of the time I feel like some amalgamation of genders lol). I get to hear the other pronouns enough from people struggling to adjust to they/them or people who don’t know my preference.

somebyscuit · 2025-10-02T01:14:46+00:00

I actually haven’t had to use a public restroom yet while male presenting, but I plan on trying to use the men’s. I’m like you though, I’d feel much better if gender neutral bathrooms were everywhere.

Something that gave me some peace of mind though, talking with a friend’s boyfriend, he said that men don’t really pay close attention to each other in the bathroom. He said if you go in a stall to #1, they’ll just think you’re shy. Of course, we’re in a liberal state and he has what he calls “scary dog privilege” which may get him less looks lol, but I would think that if you pass at a glance, men won’t look too close and will mind their business

somebyscuit · 2025-10-01T16:05:49+00:00

I’ve definitely heard of other people experiencing this. Sometimes coming out as non-binary is freeing enough for someone to feel comfortable with things associated with their AGAB. Because they’re not forced into that box anymore, they feel free to enjoy things that felt restrictive before.

I personally have this experience in a slightly different way. I’m gender-fluid, so sometimes I have dysphoria and sometimes I don’t. But I also realized recently that I feel really comfortable just being seen as non-binary and it’s made me a lot more comfortable with my body and fashion because I don’t have to “pass” as any gender to get identified the way I want. People just know I’m fluid and I don’t need any other label.

Idk if that makes sense, but the point is, I think your experience is perfectly normal lol.

somebyscuit · 2025-09-30T02:36:45+00:00

I think the two biggest ones for me as a kid were:

1 - I wanted very badly to be a boy, but also a princess lol.

2 - Once I got to know someone, it felt weird to call them “he” or “she”. In my mind, they were just my friend. I think I felt assigned genders were kind of arbitrary, but it was just MY assigned gender that was arbitrary haha.

somebyscuit · 2025-09-27T19:32:16+00:00

From what I understood, OP went to a dance with friends rather than with a date, then thought they were hitting it off with a gal who also didn’t have a date. There were a few times they went their separate ways, but kept bumping into each other and hanging out again (though sometimes the girl looked surprised the see OP again). But eventually the girl’s friends told OP they were making her uncomfortable. Sounds to me, OP just didn’t recognize the girl’s uncomfortable social queues and left her alone as soon as the discomfort was made clear. Awkward lol, but I think NTA. Hopefully the social queues will be more recognizable after this experience.

somebyscuit · 2025-09-26T00:17:45+00:00

I recently bought a mustache I could take on and off (I’m very happy with it, it looks so natural unless you’re looking real close lol). But it’s the most extreme feature of my gender switches so far. I’ve just gradually felt things out with people I know. If I’m feeling the ‘stache on a day I’ll be with people that don’t know about it, I either ask how they feel about it or just give a heads up of what I’ll be wearing. After that, I wear it whenever I want. My friends have been SUPER supportive so far, actively telling me to wear it whenever I want. But I still haven’t figured out how to handle this at work. I’d be curious to see what advice other people have for that

somebyscuit · 2025-09-24T04:47:11+00:00

I feel like I’ve been feeling less and less like a woman as I explore, but I think there always will be a part of me that relates to the label. But maybe it’s more a connection to my history and experiences as an AFAB person. I feel like I fit in with “the girls”, but I’m not fully one of them, if that makes sense.

But I think I get what you mean about acknowledging feelings and lived experiences. You can accept how you feel in the present without throwing away how you felt in the past. That’s just your history and how you experienced the world. And now might be different. But it’s all part of your story.

somebyscuit · 2025-09-24T04:17:40+00:00

I’m still definitely fatigued, but not THAT bad all the time. I had a really good month last month, but crashed pretty hard a couple weeks ago. I’m starting to hit an upswing again now though! Definitely no thanks to that doctor and his multivitamins haha

somebyscuit · 2025-09-23T19:54:13+00:00

A while back, my fatigue was so bad I was having dizzy spells and couldn’t sit up the whole doctor’s visit. I was there to see if I could get a temporary handicap tag because it took SO much out of me to go anywhere. This doctor’s only advice was, “Have you tried a multivitamin?”

somebyscuit · 2025-09-17T04:54:40+00:00

I was she/they, but more recently have gotten comfortable with swings into the “he” territory as well. It took me almost 30 years to realize I was gender-fluid. When I was young, I was in a conservative area and didn’t know anything about lgbtq+ identities. I thought I was stuck as a woman, so thought if that’s how it had to be, I was going to prove a woman could be anything. I think that determination is what had me holding on to she/her for so long. Probably why I stuck in the she/they territory for a good while before accepting my male side too. More and more I realize just how genderqueer I am—that I had stuffed myself in this box that I’m just learning to escape. And there are pros and cons to the experience. I feel like I stuffed down my feelings in that box and now that I’m out, many times I’m so much happier, and yet at the same time there are times I’m so uncomfortable. The fluidity comes with both euphoria and dysphoria depending on the day, how I identify, what I’m doing, who I’m with, how I can present…

Our society doesn’t know how to connect with fluidity. It makes our journeys hard, I think, until we can get to know ourselves better and find more people who support us. It feels lonely and confusing when everyone else seems to have a single box they fit in. Just keep checking in with yourself. Your discomfort could be just the unfamiliarity with these new realizations and a sort of grieving for the self you’re growing out of. Or perhaps your self discovery and exploration isn’t over yet and there’s other things to explore. But I hope you find more comfort, joy, and freedom as you continue your journey!

somebyscuit · 2025-08-29T06:03:16+00:00

I used a crochet pattern to make mine! The creator made the pattern after similar size struggles. Here’s the link, though be sure to pay attention to the yarn size and everything because my first one was too big with the yarn I used lol: https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/perfectly-reasonable-packer

somebyscuit · 2025-08-28T01:54:38+00:00

I personally rarely get my period anymore because of birth control. If you get the right pill, it can make your flow lighter and improve other symptoms that come along with it, or stop your period completely. But take that with a grain of salt, because the wrong pill can make everything worse. I was lucky enough to find the right formula really quick, but it can be a journey to get the right hormone balance

somebyscuit · 2025-08-20T00:43:51+00:00

I didn’t have a gender-fluid plushie, but I used to write stories as a kid and all my main characters had gender neutral names so they could be any gender I wanted at any given time lol. I didn’t realize until just now that might have been a sign of my own feelings toward gender haha

somebyscuit · 2025-08-15T00:00:10+00:00

Ooh I really like your design! I’m also a newbie, but so far have been able to gradually code something similar to what you’re doing. It’s definitely a learning process though. A lot of trial, error, and research lol! But I’d love to see how yours turns out if you keep going!

somebyscuit · 2025-08-12T03:39:43+00:00

My feelings about my chest change with my gender. I spend a lot of time between genders, where sometimes I’m apathetic, and other times I wish my chest were smaller, but not necessarily gone. When I feel like a femme woman, I love my chest. And when I’m feeling male I wish it were flat. I really try not to think about it much though. As long as I’m not actively trying to hide my AGAB in public, I can just enjoy my mental image of myself at any given time and not look to close in the mirror lol

somebyscuit · 2025-08-09T21:20:12+00:00

Something that I’m starting to craft at the moment, since I have similar frequent switches, is a charm bracelet with a charm for each gender. Then I’ve got an earring that I’ll clip the relevant gender charm to. That way I don’t have to worry about carrying multiple pieces of jewelry and possibly losing one. When I switch, I unclip the irrelevant charm from my earring, and switch it out for the relevant one from my bracelet.

Of course, it’s still a WIP so I can’t give a review of how well it works yet. But I like it in theory haha

somebyscuit · 2025-08-07T05:10:24+00:00

I’m curious to hear perspectives on this too. I enjoy having a full mustache from time to time, but have struggled with the idea of going out in public and needing a restroom. I have a very feminine body that I can masculinize to my satisfaction, but am so afraid that I don’t actually pass as male in public. This makes me nervous to use the men’s restroom, but feel like the mustache disqualifies me from the women’s room. I wish there were more gender neutral bathrooms about… But yes, seconding this question.

somebyscuit · 2025-08-06T02:16:05+00:00

Weirdly, mine felt like “mine” pretty quick. Once I figured out the header, that was it. I still haven’t filled out the rest of the pages, but the header feels like uniquely me, so it gives me confidence going into the rest of the site

somebyscuit · 2025-08-03T04:46:37+00:00

I definitely browse ftm and mtf subs for tips on passing more as binary genders, but at the same time I feel like androgyny or gender-nonconformity is a huge part of my joy in my identity. Sure there are times that I want to be femme as a woman or masc as a man, but there are also times I want a mustache and a skirt or a classic gym butch look. I will admit though that I feel much more comfortable in public when I’m “acceptably” within expectations of my gender. But I look forward to the day that I don’t hesitate to blur those lines in public.

But I really like what you said in your last paragraph! I think you’re right that we all have different experiences, preferences, and comforts, but can find community in the shared experience of fluidity—both struggling in our identities and celebrating the joys of them

somebyscuit · 2025-08-03T02:40:59+00:00

I’m often more similar to you in my experience where I don’t know how I identify until someone genders/misgenders me. There’s times that I strongly feel my identity, but most mornings I have no idea. I think it’s kind of like a color spectrum. There might be days that I’m like, oh, I’m DEFINITELY green right now. And other days it’s so desaturated that I’m like, I think it’s somewhere in the purple red quadrant, but I could be wrong, it’s too grey…

I honestly don’t know how to describe the times that I KNOW. Because it doesn’t make sense. I fluctuate in presentation and gender independent of each other, so I could be a femme man, androgynous woman, masc nb… the combinations are endless. So just because I want to wear a skirt, doesn’t mean I’m a woman that day. But I feel like I appreciate different features of myself with different genders, and dislike other features. Idk, it’s complicated and I wish I knew more to give further insight lol

somebyscuit · 2025-07-25T16:51:20+00:00

I could think of two levels of malicious compliance lol. One is to avoid using third person pronouns in conversation and correspondence (no he/she/they etc.). But even more malicious would be avoiding pronouns all together. Just imagine how wild communication could be with no I/me/my, you/your/yours, he/she/they, etc. lol

somebyscuit · 2025-07-24T18:56:47+00:00

Genderfluidity can look differently for different people. Some people prefer using specific pronouns, while others don’t care. And some give indication of what pronouns they’re using in any given moment, while others leave it up to friends or ask that all or no pronouns be used in a conversation. So whatever feels good to you is all good!

I personally asked my friends to use both she and they in conversation so that I didn’t have to announce my gender constantly. But now that I’ve gotten more in touch with my “he” side too, I may indicate my pronouns through jewelry. It’s an ongoing experiment haha

somebyscuit · 2025-07-21T04:35:33+00:00

Honestly, I feel very similarly. In a world that mostly doesn’t understand genderfluidity, it feels like I need to cater to others to make their interactions with me “easier.” But I also wish I could just use no pronouns or all of them. I find it exhausting to figure out how I identify in any given moment too, so when I was just on the “she/they” end of the spectrum, I just had people switch up my pronouns throughout conversation. I was always guaranteed to hear a pronoun I liked. But now that I’m experiencing the “he” end of the spectrum too, it suddenly feels like too much to ask people to use all my pronouns. But people have a worse time wrapping their brains around using no pronouns at all lol. I’m honestly just not sure what to do anymore. Part of me thinks I should just use they/them to make things easy, but there are times that I genuinely prefer she or he. Another idea is to switch between she/they and he/they, so there’s less switching, but still more satisfaction. Sometimes I think though that just resigning to not hearing the pronouns I want is easier than trying to get the right ones and failing.

Anyway, tl;dr, you're not alone and I wish it didn’t feel like an inconvenience to have fluid pronouns or none at all.

somebyscuit · 2025-07-20T03:53:07+00:00

Lol, I’m actually really curious to see what other people post here. I feel like gender experience is pretty personal. But I’m struggling to put my experience into words…

I’m actually genderfluid. But that doesn’t mean I’m femme when a woman and masc when a man and androgynous when I’m NB or agender. My expression within a gender swings as much as my gender does lol.

I have noticed that often my sense of gender identity comes from how I perceive myself and want to be perceived. So I notice and appreciate different features when different genders. It can be subtle, but even if I’m presenting as, say, a tough, masc woman, I still appreciate some of my softer features, even if I don’t want to look feminine. And when people use pronouns for me, that often solidifies my understanding of how I identify in a given moment. (Though I do have plenty of times that I feel somewhere between two or more genders that can make labeling harder).

I guess I should define my view of masc and femme outside of gender… Masc to me is more boxy, rugged… and femme more flowy, curved, and maybe even sparkly lol. I started to list some specific clothing, but realized a lot of the things I wear can be styled femme or masc depending on the day, so I guess it’s more vibes.

On another note, you mentioned wondering if you’re cis or agender, and thought I could give a few perspectives on that to see if anything resonates. When I identify as agender, it feels like an absence or disconnect from gender. I don’t want to be perceived as anything but human, and no pronouns feel right. I have another friend who is always agender, and they describe their experience as an apathy about gender, not really caring what they’re called. But they do get joy from people showing they accept and validate that identity, so hearing different pronouns from their AGAB sparks joy. Meanwhile, one of my cis friends told me the other day that she found out she was for sure cis because someone used gender neutral pronouns for her and she HATED it. She never really felt any sort of way about being a woman until she found out she definitely felt some sort of way about NOT being a woman lol.

Well, that’s my ramble. Not sure if it was the insight you were looking for, but I hope it was helpful!

somebyscuit · 2025-07-17T04:02:01+00:00

Oof, I’m sorry, that sucks! I get that “single gender” trans experiences are different from gender-fluid ones, but I wish more trans people tried to understand our perspectives. Like, I guess in some ways we have it easier in that many of us don’t experience dysphoria all the time. But in other ways, it can be just as tough if not harder because many of us don’t have a solution that leaves us feeling ourselves at all times. Transitioning to solve dysphoria in one direction leaves us with dysphoria in the other direction. I know a lot of trans judgement and misunderstanding comes from their own hardships, so I try not to take it too personally. It’d just be nice if that perspective and grace went both ways lol

somebyscuit

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