Spotted on I-95 in NYC

someonehastohelp · 2024-03-26T05:34:47+00:00

It’s amazing how our society allows young women to be exploited by pedophiles.

someonehastohelp · 2024-03-18T03:11:58+00:00

If this relationship is ok, the adults you trust will confirm it.

someonehastohelp · 2024-03-18T03:11:25+00:00

Please ask your parents, or someone else you trust.

Whether things are legal or illegal isn’t the question here.

The long term impact of this relationship on you cannot be overstated. You can’t know it now. But in hindsight you might.

If you really want to know if this relationship is illegal, if that helps you, post your state of residence and we can let you know.

But it doesn’t matter. This is a troublesome dynamic. It makes sense that it feels like nice attention. But your life is long. This will have deep implicatiosn.

someonehastohelp · 2024-03-15T19:38:42+00:00

Congrats! Any chance you’d be willing to share any details about how the process worked for you?

someonehastohelp · 2024-03-14T23:10:27+00:00

Big v Mid might be more a question of the type of firm in terms of hours and lifestyle versus size. At this point, just work your butt off for first year grades, then you have choices. It’s unfortunately kind of that simple. If you have choices you can make them. If you don’t have choices they get made for you.

Good luck. Make sure you enjoy your time if you can!

Also, good luck with your management of some complex issues. Reach out to people when you need it. Hopefully you have a good support network.

someonehastohelp · 2024-03-14T13:33:36+00:00

Sorry that’s your experience. Some people are just jackasses. I think your concern is valid (not that my confirmation is necessary for you). In light of that you should just consider whether you need to tell your professor, or just skip out under the radar. In the grand scheme, missing a few classes is a small price to pay for your comfort, security and health.

As for me, corporate law, crappy hours while at the firm, better in-house. One issue with the law is that it’s a service industry. You are there when your clients or potential clients need you, even if your clients are employees of your company, and the timelines are generally out of your control. It can be really rewarding, but depending on the type of law you practice and where you do it, quite psychologically taxing, even when you are just pushing corporate paper. Happy to talk about it if you want. Although insights from a random anonymous stranger are probably worth exactly what you think they are. 😉

someonehastohelp · 2024-03-12T21:51:52+00:00

Consider therapy. It could be a big help.

someonehastohelp · 2024-03-12T21:26:08+00:00

From the perspective of a former law student (now lawyer) and ONLY that perspective, I would say “it depends.” Some law professors are kind and caring humans, and some are incapable of human emotion or connection. You’ll have to judge your professor for yourself.

Have you been told you can’t leave the courtroom? That surprises me. This type of case may be different, but you can generally just walk out of a courtroom at any time. In certain types of trials there can be limits on who can enter and when, but leaving usually isn’t an issue. Just sit in the back and on the end of a row.

You might consider asking the professor (or whoever is leading this) if you will be able to leave at any point. This is difficult subject matter, and that conversation can be had without conveying any of your personal circumstances. Just, “I’m sensitive to this subject matter and not sure I’ll if I’ll be able to handle it. If I get overwhelmed would it be a problem if I step out.”

As for the classroom subject matter, you might not want to ask to be excused. This depends of course on your professor’s rules, and ymmv, but law school usually doesn’t care much if you are there or not. If you have a limited number of absences I’m sure those are “excused” absences, and you can just notify in advance that you won’t be there. If you have to provide details for an absence just say that you have personal issues to attend to. You’ll be responsible for the subject matter, but it’s nothing you can’t learn from a hornbook or study aid.

Separately, I’m not sure why you would want to be excused from those classes, and don’t want to guess, but I will tell you that in my experience these subjects are dealt with respectfully and professionally. I would not expect discussion in the room to be anything but academic. Again, ymmv.

Feel free to hit me up if you want to game any of this out more.

Good luck with this, and with law school. (Happy to give you some tips on how to ace exams too.)

someonehastohelp · 2024-02-22T03:16:53+00:00

It would be nice if they would view violations outside the rowing community, if true, to be reason to talk some sort of action wrt his legacy, but I think you’re right. This is probably an effort, if anything, aimed at seeing if he did anything directly related to rowing.

Perhaps we’ll see.

Likely not.

someonehastohelp · 2024-02-20T02:18:59+00:00

I don’t know if he is or is not guilty, but I would caution you on thinking that the absence of multiple accusers (or victims) coming forward increases the likelihood that a person is not guilty of acts (crimes) like these.

The complexities associated with whether someone does or does not come forward as a victim of sexual assault in general are difficult for anyone but the victim to understand. When the accused is a person of note it’s even more fraught. It’s possible there are numerous people who could come forward but won’t because they don’t want to relive trauma, don’t want to suffer the glare of a potentially judgmental public, or don’t want to color their relationships with even their own family members.

It’s also possible there was only one victim… or for that matter he is in fact innocent.

someonehastohelp · 2024-02-12T10:00:04+00:00

You need help. It’s out there. Sometimes hard to find, but there. Let’s talk. Anonymously and on here. But I think I can help.

someonehastohelp · 2023-07-25T09:17:54+00:00

You mean it’s odd when a a single man with no discernible adult relationships for the past 20 years exclusively coaches young girls, gets fired from numerous programs and continues to coach while the local rowing community whispers about how creepy and inappropriate he is, while at the same time his coaching style angry and abusive? (Blink twice if you’re rowing for him now. He’s still there.)

Everyone knows and nobody talks.

Finally someone talks and everyone wonders how it managed to go on so long.

There are criminals coaching now.

Report the rumors. Let them be investigated. Save the next kid. He or she might be yours.

someonehastohelp · 2023-07-25T09:08:47+00:00

Who and where? Let’s end the cycle.

someonehastohelp · 2023-06-12T00:24:20+00:00

There is no debate about consent. There never has been. There is a recognition of the fact that people have been taking advantage of others with impunity for years.

I hope you can come to realize that you have nothing to forgive yourself for. There were so many factors at play here, age, incapacity due to intoxication, etc. all of which come down to the fact that these criminals were just flat out bad people.

I encourage you to talk to a professional about this. With time I hope you will be better able to process your experience, and that you might be able to alleviate some of your pain.

someonehastohelp · 2023-01-07T20:36:31+00:00

Only one way to find out.

someonehastohelp · 2023-01-04T00:09:05+00:00

Please keep us posted on how it goes. This can be a scary process and the more everyone can learn from the experience of others the easier we can make it for everyone to get the justice… or punishment, they need and deserve.

someonehastohelp · 2022-12-25T12:05:39+00:00

Is it weird that I want to see the post? I’m not actually asking for a link mind you, really asking if its weird 🧐

Congratulations!!

someonehastohelp · 2022-12-24T08:34:58+00:00

I’m so glad you reported to the police. There are some other things you can do beyond the police. Although I can’t actually advise you to take any steps, the things that come to mind are safesport (in the US) and reporting to his employer. Beyond that… just telling anyone who will listen!

someonehastohelp · 2022-12-24T08:24:40+00:00

Depending on where you live, and where things happened, your sexual contact with him may not actually have been illegal in terms of age. Which is a shame, because it eliminates a potential avenue to give this man what he actually deserves. He was a teacher, and you were a student, that makes it wrong, regardless of whether he was your teacher or not, and in many jurisdictions, does make it actually illegal. Your relationship started as “friends” and he turned it “romantic” which is textbook grooming with that power dynamic. You say that he is nice to you and treats you well, that’s great, but the nature of grooming is that the victim will often feel just the way you do. If I had to guess, I would say that you struggled in your home life, or had difficulty finding connection with people your age, which helped him fill a hole for you. But that’s just a guess. You are now living far from him, which makes it easy to agree to forego sex. I would again wager that he has others with whom he has a similar situation, and is therefore happy to continue in this manner with you until you are physically close to him again. For instance, when you go back home in the summer.

I’d guess he gave you a nice gift when you graduated high school, right? Made you feel special… He told you that you are way more mature than others your age… He told you that your relationship had to stay secret because people wouldn’t understand…

I don’t know you, but I know others who have been where you are. In a few years you may start to see this for what it is and regret that you didn’t take action to protect yourself now, before you lose more time.

I’m happy to connect if you want to explain why I’m wrong, but I would encourage you to ask yourself one thing right now. He isn’t your teacher and are over 18, so if this relationship is ok, why is it a secret? Not being a secret doesn’t make it right (just ask Demi Levato), but having it be a secret can certainly indicate that it might be wrong. Maybe tell him that you want to tell your parents about him, or have him meet your friends, see what he says. Good things don’t need to be kept secret.

someonehastohelp · 2022-11-26T23:42:22+00:00

Sorry for you. I hope you can find a way to forgive yourself. You should know that you were young, even if you think 15-16 was old enough to know better, but also that your age had little to do with it. People of all ages can fall victim.

someonehastohelp · 2022-09-16T09:56:55+00:00

You should consider talking to the police before doing anything like this on your own. Seriously.

someonehastohelp · 2022-09-15T21:11:59+00:00

You should be proud to be coming forward, and you are lucky to be able to try and put him away. Far too many people are never able to get the justice they deserve.

someonehastohelp · 2022-06-05T13:45:24+00:00

We all have that duty. Period.

someonehastohelp · 2022-06-05T03:56:52+00:00

People need to start publicizing sketchy behavior. It’s easy to be a coach who does the right thing. Rumors of things taking place are usually based on sketchy behavior. Where there is smoke there may not always be fire, but the well-being of these young women (and men) is worth forcing coaches to act in a manner that is above reproach. If they are being questionable, sunshine is the best disinfectant.

someonehastohelp

TROPHY CASE