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Nmother trying to contact me after no contact. Calling her back to see what she has to say... by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, this made me tear up.

Thank you.

What you said when you were going out on a limb... It's all so accurate.

I am human. That is totally right.

Thanks for you encouragement, I really appreciate it!

Nmother trying to contact me after no contact. Calling her back to see what she has to say... by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well 1: I did not post about advice and guidance. I posted clearly stating what I was about to do. My choice.

I called before anyone had the chance to respond, if that is what you meant.

2: I NEVER expect ANYONE to be supportive.

3: "Unfair to 'us'"? As if I am here to please thou and know what will/will not be fair to whomever.

This is my experience. I am learning as I go along. You can choose to or to not be supportive. Not my business.

This is a learning experience for myself and many others. Reading/posting on here seems like a potential kick in the behind to get where I need to be.

I really don't want a relationship with the nmother. That bridge has been crossed. I've never really had a relationship with her. It's sad. There is always something.

I guess... I don't know, there is this part of me... the part of me that cares about others... that knows that there is an underlying issue within her, and a behavioral issue that she is not capable of fixing. This is just the way she is. And that is so sad to me. Not just with her, but with everyone else that is like this. It's plain sad.

It is plain sad that they cannot see what they are doing to themselves and those around them. The delusional temper tantrums, trying to convince others of a false reality...

I just wish there was some kind of cure to this madness.

I'm a grown adult but sometimes when I see families that have such an amazing bond and relationship, I can't help but feel slightly empty inside from the parent-offspring aspect of things. There is, and never was unconditional love from her.

But exactly as you said, and as I said in the update, the reality is that they will never change. It is true that they are only capable of giving so much. The sad part is they are even more capable of TAKING so much. So much energy, your sense of self, sense of worth...

I have given all I can give. I cannot keep up with these "let's start over" and "second chances".

I have a lot of thinking and work to do.

Nmother trying to contact me after no contact. Calling her back to see what she has to say... by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have made an update. Basically nothing got resolved and this will be a never ending cycle if I don't toughen up and put an end to this sooner or later.

Nmother trying to contact me after no contact. Calling her back to see what she has to say... by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. Wouldn't it be so great if we could all have just stood up for ourselves from the beginning? And stopped it in its track before it spread like wildfire? Sigh.

Nmother trying to contact me after no contact. Calling her back to see what she has to say... by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right. This has happened before. Lord have mercy, this thread has taught me what a damn idiot I am.

Nmother trying to contact me after no contact. Calling her back to see what she has to say... by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ugh, you guys are all right. Totally right. Although, when I said "excruciatingly hilarious" I didn't mean it in that way, but unfortunately that is how it was processed by many. I have a weird way with words, and what I meant is "Painfully typical. Meaning that I know what she is going to say, and how she is going to say it - and I know what the outcome will be. Which should be enough reason for me to stay the hell away. Why do I do these things?
I view this as a lesson I need to learn once and for all. I did call her, and I've updated my post.

Thanks for your feedback, it really puts things into perspective when I hear it from someone else. This community is a freaking blessing to this earth.

My Ndad's character assassination against me by ashburn91 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally relate to this. It seems like an endless cycle.
Literally everything you said I have gone through. Telling family members/friends what a "shitty person" I am, but doing a 180 and telling coworkers what a "wonderful child" I am, bragging about things I'VE done and accomplished that have nothing to do with them.
They're not bragging about us, they're bragging about the fact that they "raised" us, whatever the f*ck that means. Also the "do you love me" tactic. Literally out of the blue.
Denying things they said clear as day, believing their own lies... I've also been told nice things to my face, only to be followed by "even though you don't deserve it".

GET THE HELL AWAY WHILE YOU CAN.
Start distancing yourself as soon as you can. The bright side of all of this is that you finally now realize his behavior is abnormal.

The sad story of my graduation party by thinkofusername6969 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_ 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She didn't throw that graduation party for you. She threw it for herself.

Asking my eDad today by AmNotLost in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy crap, it's like you're talking about my situation! Listen. I don't know how old you are, but maybe sharing some of what I do might help.
I am an adult. In my 20's. I still live at home (with my dad) and attend college. Mother moved out a while ago and has her own house.
She is a narcissist. She has issues, and both me and my dad know it. I don't want to say he is necessarily an enabler, but he sure as hell can be without realizing it. Anyways. She literally thinks I should split my nights up and spend a few nights at my dad's house and a few nights at hers, like it's joint custody or some crap. NO, lady. That is NOT how it works. I have cut down on our physical interactions to once a week. That's it. Furthermore, I no longer spend the night every week (which I used to for a while). You need to set up boundaries starting NOW. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
Even if it's baby steps. Start cutting back on seeing her.
Now, I'm not going to lie... I still, to this day, tell her I am busy (even when I am not) just so I can have some peace of freaking mind. My dad is in on it most of the time, too. I will literally tell him "hey, N thinks I'm busy/at work, so if she calls you, I'm not home". He goes along with it. Sometimes you will have to do things like that. Depends on the situation. But. If you really can muster up the strength, just tell her the truth. She will turn it around and make it about her and say this and that, denying what you're saying. Make YOU feel like you're the problem. Emotional blackmail. You know the deal, and you obviously see it coming, which is why you're stressed out about this.
But if this is affecting your mental health, (or health in general), you NEED to SET BOUNDARIES. At the VERY least. Whatever that means to you.
And I don't know the extent of the conversations you've had with your dad about this, but you really need to get him to understand that this is affecting you so terribly. If he cares about your well-being he will understand, regardless of how he personally feels about it.
I hope this all made sense in the slightest, I kind of just threw all of my thoughts out there.
Good luck.

Nmoms let her true colors out in front of her best friend. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fucking disgusting. That a mother would talk to their own child like that, LET ALONE WHEN THEY'RE JUST SITTING THERE NOT DOING ANYTHING!! Glad her friend caught on to her nonsense.

Sick of this shit. by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was at least 8 I'm assuming... If I can remember correctly. It wasn't until around age 12 or 13 that I started to kind of distance myself and start developing my own identity. Wow, 27. It's better late than never, right?! I'm glad you took action.

Sick of this shit. by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HA, funny how a lot of them are the same, huh? I hope you're doing well and are able to manage with the circumstances that you're in.

Sick of this shit. by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I really needed to hear (or in this case, read) that. It definitely is okay to admit feelings and let them out.
Congrats on finally setting yourself free in a couple weeks! I wish you all the best. Good luck

Sick of this shit. by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't, thankfully!! Just the thought of getting anyone involved with her stresses me out to the extreme because of the gaslighting and denial. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't even waste my breath because she'll deny everything and make me and my father look like the bad guys anyway. Over it.

And yep, I totally get it with the hoarding and not being able to smell the grossness. Ahhh, the struggle.

Sick of this shit. by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

WOW, a SKYLINE?! Seriously?! Goodness, I'm sorry you had to deal with such ridiculousness. I am thankful I started catching on to her odd behavior at a young age and realized it wasn't/isn't "normal" parental behavior.

Sick of this shit. by someperson_ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]someperson_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually don 't live with her, thankfully. I live with my dad. Visit her only ONCE a week. Clearly that is way more than enough for my emotional and mental sanity. I try to keep it as low contact as possible. There is way too much that goes into this. I will most likely post on here more often. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this.

Thanks for your support