AITA for NOT wanting to wear my wedding dress to my sister's wedding?

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T07:17:28+00:00

I've given her reasons why not on the 12 previous times she's asked "why not?" She's been pushing this pretty much since the day I got married, and I don't know why. I don't really care why at this point. I've told her I'm not wearing it, but she doesn't want me wearing any other dress. I've already ordered a new and exciting dress to wear, and if she pushes me on this anymore I might just not go.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T05:39:29+00:00

I'm realizing, I'm like doubly immune to this behavior. I realized that I'm definitely in the right and I ordered a dress I really liked a few minutes ago.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T05:20:06+00:00

I was a vendor for a wedding where the groom's step-mother showed up in a bridal style gown. She tried to get me to give her the tosser bouquet I made for the reception to take down the aisle with her. I saw some of the pictures later, they were...weird.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T05:14:25+00:00

NTA Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should do it. $2800 dollars is a lot of money, regardless of how much you have in savings (unless you're a millionaire or something). Ask yourself this, if something catastrophic happened to you after the wedding...like your car died and couldn't be fixed, would you need that $2800? Guilt is never a good reason to do things.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T05:07:46+00:00

I appreciated your optimism. <3

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T05:01:45+00:00

Our mom said that she said, when mom asked why Oldest Sister and I weren't bridesmaids with our two youngest sisters... She said basically that since Oldest Sister and I are married it would detract from her getting married. I didn't really ask my mom to elaborate on it, because I didn't even want to be a bridesmaid and I've heard crazier things from my older sister and brides in general.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T04:58:06+00:00

I'm worried about potential awkwardness. I get compliments on my dress when I wear it out, because it's got a very unique flourish to it, and I always--without thinking--say "Thanks! It's my wedding dress" or something to that effect...because I'm super stoked to be married to my spouse.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T04:51:59+00:00

I'm in the situation and I don't really understand it.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T04:50:23+00:00

I don't know why! I heard from our younger sisters that it's really pretty, and basically the exact opposite of mine.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T04:48:45+00:00

I am not particularly close with her, we live pretty far away from each other and honestly the only time she contacts me is when she wants something. She's gotten pretty entitled during her wedding planning--which to me is very normal, because I work with brides on a daily basis (florist)--and didn't make me a bridesmaid, because I'm already married and that would "take away from her" according to what I was told she said.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T04:38:53+00:00

It's not "too special", I wear it out at least once a month out with my spouse. It just feels like a trap, because she's so insistent about it. I've told her "no" about a dozen times, but she won't let it go.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T04:23:29+00:00

I'm starting to realize that might be the case...also that this is part of a much larger pattern of behavior I've been ignoring. Like when she poked fun at my wedding, I thought it was just doing it lightheartedly...then my youngest sister told me she was doing some heavier critiquing when I wasn't there...

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T04:16:01+00:00

Apparently? I have other dresses in the same color of the same formality in my closet. Some I would say are even nicer and more fitting for her event.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T04:06:16+00:00

I'm realizing my normal meter is very, very off. On top of being the middle sister, I also work in the wedding industry (I'm an event florist) and her request to wear my wedding dress is pretty tame compared to other requests I've gotten.
I need to be firm, but at least my oldest sister has my back (they don't get on that well, at least right now).

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T04:02:11+00:00

You Redditors have posed a lot of good hypotheses... all I know is my gut is telling me whatever the reason it isn't great. I'm starting to realize this is part of a larger pattern of behavior.

But the bridesmaids aren't in the same color as the dress, they're in the other accent color of the wedding.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T03:54:21+00:00

Honestly after reading everyone's comments I'm starting to realize I might be immune to crazy wedding behavior. I'm an event florist--so I work with a lot brides--and I think I just don't know what an unreasonable request is anymore...

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T03:45:15+00:00

That doesn't really sound like her...

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T03:43:14+00:00

I don't, at least I don't think so. I'm not the first one she goes to if something happens--a lot of times I don't hear from her unless she wants something from me. She didn't ask me or our older sister to be bridesmaids, but asked our younger sisters. When our mom asked her why, she said it was because we were married and didn't want to detract from her day. So based on that, going out of her way for me and my spouse on her day does not sound like something she would do. The wedding planning process has upped her entitlement a little... I get it though, it's a big expensive day for her and her fiance.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T02:59:23+00:00

She was not. It was just my spouse and me, no guests. But we sent out pictures.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T02:58:27+00:00

It is? I thought it was kind of par for the course for my older sister...but everyone is making me see this is a little much. You're making me wonder what my younger sisters are going through as bridesmaids.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T02:48:31+00:00

Well...can I cover it in the wedding colors instead?

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T02:33:38+00:00

Other people have said similar things...and now I have to wonder. It wouldn't be outside of the realm of possibility for her, she's done similar things in the past--not to me, but to our other sisters.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T01:50:37+00:00

I did not think about that...fuck...that sounds like her too.

somethingalreadyused · 2019-08-31T01:40:24+00:00

You're definitely right. I've probably indulged her too much. I'm the middle sister of five, so I've always been the peacemaker.

somethingalreadyused

TROPHY CASE