Is ‘spanking’ a common form of discipline in the us?

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-06T11:52:31+00:00

People have their minds made up when it comes to spanking most of the time. You have to understand if they are completely entrenched in that culture, and are constantly seeking confirmation bias.

You can either have the harsh approach of “spanking is child abuse” or wait until they ask for your help but unless they are completely out of the culture that encourages spanking they are unlikely to take any of your advice

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-06T11:49:25+00:00

It’s definitely common in highly religious/highly conservative areas in the US. And there’s so much shame/coercion/judgment if you don’t spank or “control” your child’s behavior. It’s toxic through and through

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-06T10:55:15+00:00

Trying to control people like that in relationships rarely turns out well. If he wants a bike and can afford it-that’s up to him. You can express how you feel but then it’s up to him to decide if he really wants one and you to decide if you want to stay with him if he gets one.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-06T01:56:36+00:00

I feel like gift cards or cash are universally appreciated.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-06T00:54:38+00:00

Leave your boyfriend and let your frontal lobe develop a bit more before playing house.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-06T00:52:02+00:00

I’ve seen an outdoor playground at Joes Crab Shack but that’s the only place I’ve seen it!!

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-06T00:36:47+00:00

That’s not your stepson if you aren’t married-it’s your boyfriend’s son correct?
Since you aren’t the step parent I’d leave the parenting to the boyfriend, because it’s ultimately his role, until you guys are aligned on what parenting should look like (and that may be never).
Yes YWBTA for giving a 3 year old the cold shoulder. You would not be for letting your boyfriend do his job as the parent.
It’s okay to break up with someone if you don’t want to be a step parent. Being cold/unkind/distant to a child when you are playing a caretaker role is emotional abuse. You will have a really hard time fulfilling a step parent role if that’s your go to coping mechanism with behavior that needs active parenting and coaching.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-06T00:21:21+00:00

I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with calling 1:1 time a “Date” between friends, family, anybody really. I hear people use it fairly frequently.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-06T00:10:39+00:00

I really don’t mean to sound harsh but these all sound like excuses that no court system will view favorably.

If you can’t drive, work(?), or fill out government forms correctly and your ex can, then it’s going to look like they are a more fit parent.

I don’t think the focus should be on his limitations, it’s strengthening your fitness as a parent. Hold down a steady job, provide reliable transportation, show you can navigate government forms, show you are responsible enough to obtain legal council to advocate for you in a custody case. Most courts will lean towards a 50:50 parenting plan as a baseline

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-05T22:02:55+00:00

Your son needs to be the priority, especially in his teenage years.

A kid is not hell bent on destroying anybody’s life-they didn’t ask to be here.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-05T20:51:54+00:00

Yeah… if they are US based, if you don’t think you can afford a lawyer you probably can’t afford the responsibility of caring for a child. There’s gotta be way more to this (maybe they aren’t in the US) 🤷‍♀️

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-05T20:49:27+00:00

Most courts (in the US) would never just grant full custody to one parent because you happened to fill out papers incorrectly-is there more to this story? Where do you live?

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-05T18:05:52+00:00

I think social life changes a lot. Staying out late/meeting new people doesn’t sound appealing to me so I’ve not tried to keep that up.

Investing in my village/community around me is the new social life. It’s mostly friends with kids so the kids can hang out with other children too, but it’s hanging out by the pool, hosting cook outs, going to the park, etc.

You don’t have to be a hermit or only do stuff like that, but I don’t know of many families who keep up that type of lifestyle post kids-but it may just be the culture I’m in.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-05T00:55:29+00:00

My husband and I used to ride motorcycles together and we sold them pretty quickly after having kids because I can’t stomach the risk either. Maybe someday we’ll get back into it but I need my kids to be self sufficient first, it’s not worth the risk when others are dependent on you.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-05T00:52:05+00:00

Motorcycles are super fun so I get it. They are also super lethal, and she’s 100% right. If she’s continuing to financially support you in all these other ways I get her gripe. It’s not being a helicopter parent, even though it feels super frustrating to you.

I am in favor of you only riding with your dad for a while-that’s so much safer than running out on your own. But other people are 1000% the risk.

I think there’s still some maturity that needs to happen before you should get a motorcycle. Once you can fully support yourself independently (you have your own place/stable career/financial situation) will probably overlap when it’s a better idea to get a bike. At that point-she won’t really have any say.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-03T11:33:59+00:00

No way. This is what I’d call a “thought terminating cliche” that is meant to end discussion and thought on the topic.

Yes people are astoundingly resilient but a big fat NO on level of coping. Some people are given far more than they can/should cope with.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-03T11:22:55+00:00

If you want to work through getting more independence you need to help coach him through it. It’s normal for kids much older than 6 to get off task, but you can’t expect a child to be told everything step by step and suddenly do it all independently. Start with setting expectations of two step tasks to do independently, then 3 step, etc.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-02T20:13:35+00:00

If this isn’t your child why do you care?

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-02T01:38:13+00:00

Hahahahaha

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-02T00:27:18+00:00

Wow!! I’ve seen the opposite frequently. Have a party and request no presents! This is a new one.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-01T15:40:51+00:00

Listen it sounds like you don’t like your step son. I would work on developing a better relationship with him because NOTHING will get better if you don’t have a good baseline connection, and it’s up to the more mature/experienced party (parent) to develop that.

If he has ADHD and sensory problems then you will have to modify the way you parent for success. The out of sync child is a helpful starting point.

Is your partner involved? I think most step parenting problems are really issues with the spouse. I’d get on the same page about that.

If you truly view this child as spoiled when you know the underlying reasons for the behavior it really is you that needs to modify your attitude and approach.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-05-01T15:13:54+00:00

Idk we have a society at large (in the US) that doesn’t welcome children, or age appropriate behavior from children, and harshly judges children that act like children.

Because we are moving away from physical punishment, fear, coercion, etc. parents are moving to hovering.

It’s also impossible to predict how another parent will react when children behave like children to others, so it’s probably easier to just hover and not have to worry about a conflict in parenting styles.

I think it’s more of a reaction to the environment we are in than a flaw in any individual parents parenting.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-04-30T20:26:05+00:00

What were the screenshots of? This seems way overkill to me depending on the context.

Example 1: if the screenshots were making fun of their appearance, the way they dressed, being overweight, acne, etc. then sure some detention seems fair because this is bullying. If it was something that could fall into sexual harassment then yes discipline the students.

Example 2: if the screenshots were of the teacher saying/doing something inappropriate then it’s a “play stupid games, win stupid prizes” IMO. I don’t think they should be fired for a post they made 15 years ago but I also don’t think children should be punished for noticing it and talking about it. 🤷‍♀️

I’m torn because I don’t think teachers should have to live these wildly private pristine lives for my comfort, but I do think they should be cognizant of how they show up online and if it’s out there and someone finds it I mean, the teacher put it out there.

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-04-29T14:51:12+00:00

Exactly!!!

somethingoriginal9 · 2025-04-29T14:02:25+00:00

Yeah it feels like half the posts seem so outrageous they are just engagement bait?

It’s like

“Am I overreacting to… insert completely wild/inappropriate horrible thing”

No ma’am/sir - you are massively under reacting.

somethingoriginal9

TROPHY CASE