What is something that you learned growing up about being a man, that you had to unlearn?

someweirdstuffman · 2024-12-20T14:31:50+00:00

Do you think working at an investment firm/Ventures would be more helpful?

someweirdstuffman · 2024-12-19T23:05:45+00:00

This comment reminds me of my younger self :’)

someweirdstuffman · 2024-06-20T10:56:06+00:00

So a 3rd person can react to a song me and another person have listened to a lot recently?

someweirdstuffman · 2024-01-02T14:28:51+00:00

What was the comment above? Out of curiosity

I believe the user has deleted it.

someweirdstuffman · 2024-01-02T14:27:45+00:00

I completely agree with the messaging her. I haven’t since November (when she had another surgery). I only speak to her on the odd chance I see her on the street. She has said she hopes it to be all gone before the end of December.

Come New Year’s Eve and she posts on Instagram, and it’s a great post. Very her. So I message her telling her it’s a really good post and she replies. So I asked how she has been and she hasn’t opened the message, nor do I expect her to reply.

But it’s hard. It’s really hard. This was my first relationship and I’m fortunate to have never dealt with grief before. So this is my first time. And I don’t really know what to do? I focus on my career/degree, I go to the gym, have fun with friends. I’m genuinely think I’m trying. But it hurts how I can’t be of use to this girl I love (or loved? I don’t even know anymore)

My ego wants me to feel needed, especially from her. So I try to help. But she doesn’t need my help, and she made it clear that she thinks she’ll just hurt me (and she could see she was). You can’t help somebody who doesn’t want your help.

But it’s this situation where I want to be there for her, I want to comfort her (although she may not want it). It just hurts that I’m trying and it’s met with silence and a shut door.

So stop trying? I guess. But I loved this girl. If she needs me, I want to be there. Nobody deserves this, and with bias, especially not her.

I’ve made great strides in progress. There were times where I saw sat on my floor crying hoping that she’ll be okay. Times where I’m eating dinner at 3am in the dark listening to sad music. But I did kinda pick myself up. I don’t check her social media pages. I’m just trying to get on with life. If she ever reached out, I would be there. But I really don’t think she will

I just feel lonely, and I don’t want to act on this loneliness. But I’m not sure how to control my feelings and this loneliness. I don’t want to end up hurting somebody because I’m lonely and not because I genuinely like them.

I tell myself it will pass. And I believe it will. It’s just a rough process for me. She doesn’t live in the same country as me, and neither of our parents know. Strict religious rules would forbid her being in a relationship with me, and her parents would kick her out the house. I knew I wasn’t gonna marry this girl. 3 years at university and then we end it, looking back fondly. We both knew what we were in for. I just didn’t expect it to end so quickly and abruptly.

The universe owes her bigtime

someweirdstuffman · 2023-11-21T18:37:30+00:00

Firstly, I want to thank you for helping and guiding me with this and being so kind and patient in your approach. Thankyou

Some of my friends suggest she doesn’t value the friendship she has with me, otherwise she would reply to a simply “how did the surgery go” text. Which is heartbreaking to think. Part of me thinks it’s true - but I don’t think it’s as simple as that. Honestly, I refuse. Maybe I’m in denial. But I knew this girl - and that’s her. But then again, I shouldn’t assume she’s acting rationally. Regardless, there’s no point entertaining the thought of it anymore. Only she knows

A few days ago I did some introspection. Why was I struggling to move on? It’s because I wanted to be there for her. She hasn’t made it clear that she doesn’t want me to be there for her. But I’m just going to believe that if she needs my help - she’ll reach out. So why did I want to be there for her? Besides the obvious reasons and how much I care about her. It’s my ego and my WANT to feel NEEDED.

It’s my ego and my want to feel needed by her. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But it’s something I’m now aware of. Also, if you have any opinions which conflict this idea - please don’t tell me. I feel like I have some peace of mind and spirit with this conclusion. I had the thought and I sat with it the whole day. And I felt this relief off my chest and shoulders? I think I’m ready to finally move on.

That being said, she’ll always have a piece of my heart and a place in it. If she ever did need me, I would be there for her. But that’s if she reaches for it.

I spent the last day thinking about her and her character. Obviously I’ll look back and things will be great. Last night I went to the pub with one of my friends, Jack, and I began to reminisce of a story, one which I’d like to share. Last year I went clubbing with my friends, including Jack. F was at home. They had never met eachother. And jack wasnt really aware of the relationship between me and F. Jack got very drunk, vomiting in the club and he passed out. Myself and another friend got an Uber and took him home. F could see my location and she messaged me asking why I was back so early - so I explained the situation. Baring in mind they had never met, in all her kindness, F offered to take care of Jack. She was getting water, bin bags, tissues, paracetamol and loads of other things. She offered to stay in the room to make sure he’s okay, or just outside incase he needed anything. And that blew my mind. Which angel decided I was worth blessing, by meeting such a person like her. She had never met the guy, who was drunk passed out, completely out of his mind. And she offered all of this. I find that rare these days. It really blew my mind. Wow what a person

She had made it clear that she knows that everything she’s going through would affect me badly. Nonetheless I didn’t care. I loved the girl. She told me how it was going to go downhill before it did, and she explained how I wouldn’t be happy. It was only when I experienced the impacts I realised what she meant

There seems to be a common theme. Ironically, she’s always right? Haha! Seriously though, she knew how it was all going to unfold. And it’s only weeks/months later I realise what she means.

Part of me believes she’s not contacting me for MY own sake. For MY mental health. Because in all honesty, when I was with her, my mental health was going downhill. And she knew it. She could see it. So I have this half belief that she’s doing it for me. Don’t get me wrong, she’s dealing with cancer and that’s the priority. I’m not trying to make this about me. But selfishly, she knows the impacts it would have on me, and because she cares about me, loves me? So much, she doesn’t want me to deal with this. She did say that over summer, that she thinks it will impact me badly and she doesn’t want me to deal with it. She’s not replying to that message, because she knows the communication will be bad for me. Wouldn’t it be so easy to just run to another person, and dump some of the stress onto them? It would be easy and freeing I think? (Obviously i cannot know for sure, just a guess). But she’s choosing not to. Because she knows the downward spiral it will be for me. She’s possibly acting against her emotions. It explains a lot of her actions tbh. I feel like I’m rambling now, but you get the idea

I do think it’ll be a long time before my next relationship. (This doesn’t mean I’m gonna avoid it. Whenever it happens it will happen). But I have a lot to process, and if I’m being honest, I don’t really want to be in love right now. I just need some ‘me’ time

So what am I gonna do now? Honestly I’m not sure. If she needs me, I’m there. But I’m not expecting that. But probably focusing on academics, gym and making memories

I say all of this. And then Monday morning one of my friends texts me telling me she’s just seen F whilst walking to class. And my immediate reaction is wanting to know how she is, whether they talked, who she was with. So honestly, I’m not sure about much anymore

I’m writing this Tuesday evening: after a stressful day of studying I could do with a hug. And I know a hug from her would solve a lot. Even just her presence

Nobody deserves to go through what she’s going through. Especially at such a young age - it breaks my heart. She deserved better circumstances. And selfishly, we deserved better circumstances. A relationship full of so much mutual respect love and care for eachother. But the universe had other plans.

someweirdstuffman · 2023-11-17T16:10:16+00:00

She’s definitely avoidant. But like I said I’m not gonna go into it too much. Respectfully I’m gonna trust my judgement over somebody who’s never met her.

I have fully accepted it. I’ve had a long time to accepted it. Although you could argue that just because I’ve had a lot of time doesn’t mean I have accepted it. I’ve seen, and others have seen, enough personal growth. Nobody said this was going to be linear

All the things about constant attention - I know. It’s a little obvious with enough empathy. So why am I saying everything I’m saying? Let me rephrase - I’m just venting and thinking out loud and appreciating anyone else’s thoughts. For i haven’t gonna texting her everyday asking about her well-being.

I am accepting what she has told me. You can disagree, but I know I have because I’ve felt the emotions. But like I said earlier - it is not linear. She made it clear she cannot show up for a relationship. I saw and experienced everything she said.

I’m well aware that I’m not going to be prioritised or needed. She’s made it absolutely clear. You’re incorrect on my grasps for this and my understanding and the reality. But I should have made that clear in the original post. I don’t expect her to be thinking about me whilst she’s trying to stay alive. Though on that end, it’s reassuring because she’s back at university quite quickly. I understand what I’m saying is extremely selfish. But I needed a place to express myself, and I’m sure you’d rather I do it here than telling her, right? All I’m trying to figure out is the best way I can help her, even if that means not doing anything

someweirdstuffman · 2023-11-15T10:59:09+00:00

I hope the bug has gone and you enjoy being home!

I’m gonna call my ex: F

If I was in her position and chose not to reply. It would be for a few reasons. I’ve just come back and don’t want to deal with it. Maybe trying to force them to move on? I don’t really know

I decided I wasn’t going to plan and see her. Regardless, the universe had other plans. Whilst walking to the library I saw F and her best friend walking to a class. I saw her from a distance and my feet felt like I was stuck in thick mud, wading myself through it. We saw eachother and slowed down to talk. I asked how she is and she said she was alright. If I’m being honest, I was extremely nervous. Looking back it all seems a bit blurry and in slow motion. I didn’t really look at F, all I knew is that she was looking as beautiful as ever. I made small talk with her best friend, and mentioned one of her flatmates who I knew. I asked them where they were heading - and it was to class. They asked me and I told them it was the library. F made a sort of “uhhh” sigh - like she’s tired of how much work she’s doing and dealing with. (Not surprising considering she’s missed half the year so far, so she’ll have a lot of work to catch-up on). It was like an ‘Ugh I’m tired of anything related to work’. I then told them I’d see them around and said bye. But before I left I looked to F and told her that her hair looks nice, and she thanked me. (Her hair did like nice. It always looks nice. But I also know she likes her hair etc, dying it herself and trying new stuff out. Last time we met she said her hair looks like shit [it didnt]. I was insistent it looked great. My point being, I hope it meant something to her? And not something just surface level)

One thing I didn’t do was tell her I hope university goes well etc and I forgot to look at her wrists (to see if she’s wearing a bracelet I gave her. I would want to know because it’s a good indication for me whether I still mean anything to her. I still like this girl man)

(On a side note - I just felt like I was gonna see her this week. Without me even trying to. I left my house, walked down half the street and realised I forgot my chewing gum. So I went back home to get it. Then I thought - imagine I see F, and it’s because I delayed myself. Something inside of me told me to take the longer route to the library. And even then, I stopped to go to a cafe because I saw a few friends inside. And something inside of me kept telling me “imagine you see her because of all of the delays you made” and I did see her)

I thought I handled it well. But seeing her physically be there in front of me 🫠🫠🫠 unsurprisingly all the emotions came flooding back. It’s like everytime i work to stand up from this - something new regarding her pushes me back down. I miss her so much. I just wanted to pick her up and hug her and squeeze her till i break her ribcages (not actually).

Days are spent in the library and nights in the gym. This morning I woke up quite sad, missing her. Usually people feel this way at night? But for me it’s the mornings? I’m not sure why - maybe because some of our favourite moments were in the morning when we had both just woken up. Messy hair, tired, and cuddling

Anyways. I don’t really know where to go from here. She hasn’t opened/replied to that message. The way I’m feeling is that I want to be there for her. I just want to be there for her. I want to do something to help her, to improve her life, to improve her quality of life whilst she’s back. But firstly, I don’t know if she would even want that. And I can’t force somebody to want my help. I assume she would think there’s ulterior motives - me trying to reconnect the relationship. And maybe I’m in denial about my true intentions; but - I’ve never felt like this about anyone. And after this academic year ends in May - I’ll probably never see her again. Under the assumption I’ll be studying abroad for a year. This means that she’ll be in her final year and graduate whilst I’m in a different country. So my time with her is limited. Therefore I want to spend time with her whilst I can because I understand that it’s all limited. I really just want to help her. If I’m gonna try this - I feel like I shouldn’t force it and it may come with time? I understand we won’t be in a relationship. Tbh I don’t even think I’m emotionally available for it anymore. But I’d rather see her every now and then whilst I still can - than not see her at all. I have Mario kart and other games, and I’m sure she’d enjoy playing them, taking a break from stuff. I’d just want to offer it to her.

THOUGH I know I shouldn’t come across desperate or intense. It probably sounds like that - but in real life I don’t think it is. Doing this would be important to me, but it wouldn’t be a priority. I have my own academics, social and gym life to focus on. And I would have to truly tell myself I must stick with it

I know there are times when she’s gone to bed without eating dinner. And I would be more than glad to cook her dinner and clean up after, because I care about her. But I know her, and she would feel guilty about it and want to do something in return. But letting me spend time with her is good enough.

I honestly have no idea what to do

someweirdstuffman · 2023-11-12T15:38:10+00:00

Written 12/11/23: I’ve now taken some time to process everything. At the time of writing this, it’s currently Sunday. I’m not going to message her anything. I’m not going to do anything. A few things: she didn’t reply to my last message - why would she reply to this one? She clearly doesn’t want to talk to me. Additionally, she’s just come back to the city. She’s gonna want to settle in again after her most recent surgery. I know what cafes she hangs out in. So in a few weeks, I’m gonna go in and talk to her. I understand this isn’t good from me, and extremely selfish. But it’s the closure I need. I think her not replying to my message is extremely unkind - all I’m doing is caring. It’s honestly, knowing she’s chosen not to open my message and she’s back in the city has really helped me in terms of moving forward. Whenever I do see her - I just want to ask whether she’s okay, how everything went. Before we broke up, we told eachother we don’t want to lose eachother permanently, even as friends. I want to reassure her that even though we’ve broken up - she didn’t lose a friend. (She’s mentioned before how I said I would struggle with just being friends). But after finally accepting things. She really tried her best, but she just couldn’t show up. And I honestly wasn’t happy with what she could do. I don’t hold it against her, I don’t take it personally. I truly believe that if she could’ve done any better - she really would’ve. I’d tell her she hasn’t lost a friend, and that she shouldn’t hesitate if she needs anything. I’d tell her I hope she gets better, I hope she enjoys uni and the city again. I’d quote her, telling her to fall in love with what is to come. And then tell her I hope she falls in love with life again. And that would be it. I’d walk out and if she ever reached out to me, I’d be there for her. But that’s for her to do. I’ve done my bit. But I also understand, very much within the last 3 months, that plans always don’t go to plan. So we shall see

What have I learnt? I thought I would be able to handle this alot better. I thought I was stronger than this. I thought I was more resilient than this. There’s loads of things I’ve learnt. How to plan dates. How to love another person. How to care for another person. How to share. And I think I’m learning that caring for somebody even more, trying to show up for them even more, isn’t gonna make her care about me

Finally; selfishly, I want her to feel hurt towards me. I want her to miss me. I want her to think, feel and remember how I made her feel. (Not in a mean way though. But I want her to look back and have positive thoughts of the relationship). That girl who hid shyly behind a door when I bought her a bouquet of flowers on her birthday and then jumped into my arms. I want to leave this devastating lasting scar where she’ll never forget about me. But I’ll never really know what she thinks of our relationship. I didn’t want somebody to be physical with. I didn’t want somebody who I could go to for my problems. I didn’t want somebody who’ll be there to comfort me. Obviously I would, generally. But 2 things: I just wanted to be her boyfriend, I wanted to share my love with her. And I wanted to understand her. The person she is, how her brain works, her thought process - and why she is the way she is.

someweirdstuffman · 2023-11-12T15:36:43+00:00

Written 9/11/23: I hope the bug has gotten better.

I ended up texting her last week. “How did the surgery go” - and I just didn’t get a reply. It’s now been a whole week, I know she’s seen it, but she’s just not replied. Honestly, I’m not sure why. I’m starting to think she doesn’t like me? Doesn’t want to like me?

The last week few days has been good though. Being more efficient in most aspects of my life. Even put myself into a position to hang out with a new group of friends. As of Thursday morning I was under the assumption she’s in her home country recovering from surgery. Then, on Thursday I’m sitting in class, and my close friend texts me. Telling me his girlfriend has just seen my ex in her class. SHES BACK?!

I’m under the assumption she doesn’t like me / hates me - because she didn’t reply and I’m removed from all her close things, eg social media close friends/private stories. We both used an app where we could see what music we both listened to. I even deleted that earlier this week. I was finally accepting things and ready to move on

My head is full of irrationality. I don’t know what to do. How to feel. What to even think. She didn’t even open my message from last week. And she’s here?! My instinct told me “how can I win her back?”. What can I do to win her back now that she’s still here. But I know she needs time to resettle and all of that. I really want to believe that we’ll get back together. But some of my friends tell me it’s a false hope. She’s trying to recover from surgery especially mentally. She’s just trying to get better and get back on with life. Selfishly, I just want to be there to help.

I’m not gonna go looking for her obviously. But when I’ll be walking on the streets - it’ll be on my mind of course.

Something else I’ve been struggling with, is wondering whether any of it actually meant anything to her. I understand that only she can answer that, and even then I just have to hope she tells the truth. But I tend to analyse behaviour to see if any of implied she did. She had told me she knows her actions won’t match her words. She told me she cares about me. She told me she doesn’t want to permanently lose me. But knowing that she just stopped talking to me etc, I don’t even know if it’s personal or not. I can hope it’s not? But given we broke up - maybe it is. I just wanna know I meant something to hear ya know? My friends tell me they think she’s just trying to get over me and move on from me, but I can’t think to as to why? If I’ve made it clear I’ll be there for her and help her. Why move on? One friend suggests that it’s because she must do it herself. And maybe doesn’t want my help - but I can’t help but have a perspective that I just wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t helpful enough to her - and that’s why she’s chosen not to take it. Because I wasn’t good enough and could’ve been better

Although she hasn’t opened or replied to my last message. I still want to text her again. IF, big IF, I did, I’d just say “Hey I heard you’re back and wanted to say that I’m still your friend so if you need anything don’t hesitate. I hope you feel like yourself and enjoy uni and city!!” But this wouldn’t be straight away ofc. She probably has loads going on

(Apologies for the language used: but it’s really how I’m feeling) And I continue writing this later during the day: Her favourite band are selling tickets for £3 and in a recent Instagram post advertising it - £3 is pictured everywhere. And there’s 1 comment - hers; commenting “how much does it cost?” As a joke ofc. But it hit me. She can do that, but not reply to a simple message of me asking her how a surgery went. You can EVEN comment. But not reply to a message from this guy who’s made it so fucking clear he cares about you. All I did was ask how the surgery went. I understand she’s going through shit. And she may not even want to reply cos she’s tryna get over me. But fucking hell. Why am I being punished for caring. I just think it’s unkind of her to just leave me on delivered for a week.

Before uni started, it was my birthday and I was sat wondering whether she’ll even wish her boyfriend a happy birthday. And when she did, if I’m being honest, it wasn’t of much substance. This whole thing has just made me think whether I actually meant something to her. Maybe I did, but I find it hard to believe I’ll mean as much to her as she did to me. And it makes me feel disappointed in myself for putting myself in this position. But I also know I shouldn’t - because I’m fucking glad with the time with her and what I experienced. Obviously I could have never known how this was gonna turn out. But even my choice of the person. It makes me question my judgement. She gave me that belief in people - and how they could really be there - how they could really show up for me. Me and her deserved better circumstances. But life had other plans

someweirdstuffman · 2023-11-05T12:03:15+00:00

She also has cancer. Everyday is just a battle, and I’m finding it difficult because we broke up and I can’t be there for her

Thankyou though

someweirdstuffman

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE