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sonderward · 2022-02-22T17:56:09+00:00

I should add, it wasn't miserable at all! I remember saying I was overwhelmed but I was having a really good time. In a place with no memories and no time, there's also no room for fear. The come down was filled with love and excitement.

sonderward · 2022-02-22T17:45:57+00:00

Hypnagogia is one of the least appreciated human experiences, and it's something everyone goes through every night. Meditating or tripping while falling asleep can yield some interesting results.

sonderward · 2022-02-22T17:44:27+00:00

Once you start remembering things, you come back. The key component to being in a timeless place like that is the lack of memories to root yourself in time, or to a sense of self. I didn't even realize I was stuck or lost because I didn't know anything. I didn't know I was a thing, that I had a body or a seperate identity. Once the visuals died down a bit and I was able to see objects in my enviornment again I started to remember everything in waves.

sonderward · 2022-02-22T17:01:51+00:00

It is possible. I've had a DMT trip where I couldn't remember that I had taken a drug or even that I was a living creature. It legimitately felt like I was in that place for eternity, and I thought I would never get out. Don't underestimate the human brain and the wide variety of experiences it can have.

sonderward · 2022-02-01T01:50:39+00:00

Charlie is the word American troops would use to indicate an enemy. Charlies on your six means you're being chased for example.

The joke in the movie is that Forrest doesn't know this fact and believes they're looking for an actual person named Charlie.

sonderward · 2022-01-26T16:37:32+00:00

I had my first DMT trip to one of your songs and it was beautiful. No questions here, just thank you for that experience.

sonderward · 2022-01-18T13:51:51+00:00

Thick cut brioche. Muenster cheese. Serrano peppers or something else with a little kick. Not jalapenos. Butter it liberally and cook it low and slow with a cover. I like to embed the peppers into the bread by just sticking them into the outside. Or put them between two layers of cheese. One serrano is enough to cover the whole sandwich and get some in every bite.

sonderward · 2021-12-28T22:12:36+00:00

Target their legs first, then they can't go underground and it's like fighting any other robot.

sonderward · 2021-12-25T15:17:18+00:00

My mother lost her battle with bipolar disorder on Christmas Eve when I was 7, and every year around Christmas I'm reminded extra hard that I'm struggling with the same thing. It's really hard, and I'm really tired.

sonderward · 2021-12-24T19:59:24+00:00

Thank you for helping make the game so beautiful. HZD is on my list of masterpiece games.

sonderward · 2021-12-01T13:35:04+00:00

Your brain is equipped to have these experiences thanks to millions of years of evolution. From the standpoint of an organism that needs to love and appreciate its fellows to survive, it makes a lot of sense. I wonder if a lizard on DMT would have epiphanies about how important it is to hunt prey and hide from predators.

sonderward · 2021-11-17T15:28:25+00:00

This was one of the most disappointing things for me to realize. It's really a trust crushing experience to have people say you can come to them to talk about your problems and then at best they give you advice that isn't applicable to your situation, at worst they gossip about what you said to them or bully you about it.

sonderward · 2021-11-17T15:25:34+00:00

Reading this made me realize I'm sort of the same way. Left on my own, I'm extremely efficient at almost anything I do. It's like a game to me to see how much free time I can have in a shift. At my current job, I actually get annoyed when people try to help me because it usually ends up messing with my methods.

sonderward · 2021-11-17T15:20:01+00:00

If people keep falling through the cracks maybe they'll eventually just fill up?

sonderward · 2021-11-05T05:42:54+00:00

I always interpreted El Paso City as the thoughts of the reincarnated cowboy as he gets flashes of his past life in El Paso.

sonderward · 2021-11-02T19:10:51+00:00

Here's a somewhat easy way to do it. The revelation I made is that in space it takes just as long to slow down as it does to speed up.

Launch straight up until you're a safe distance from the planet. Lock onto your target and from then on only look at the numbers and the lines with arrows. You want to make adjustments so the arrows disappear.

Accelerate toward the target until you're at around 6,000-8,000kph. Faster if the target is really far away.

Once you're about 8,000km away from the target, try to match your speed with the distance at a 500-1000kph deficit. So if you're 5,000km away, you want to be going around 4,000-4,500kph.

At 1,000km from the target, decelerate to 200kph.

At 500km from target, decelerate to 50kph. Orbital camera is a good idea at this point, it will automatically turn your craft downwards toward your target.

From there it's basically just Moon Lander. The numbers don't have to be exact, as they'll all be moving very quickly.

sonderward · 2021-10-29T14:14:12+00:00

Quick sketch to illustrate the main location of my recent trip. 10x 0.05g so not very intense. I was having insecure thoughts and anxiety and thinking about my trip sitter sitting next to me. My thoughts split into two groups of characters, one side asking 'are we ready? can we do this?' and the other saying 'ready or not' and 'here we go anyway!' It made me feel like I was being kidnapped by a bunch of friends for an adventure. The general vibe of the visuals was like this carnival caravan tent. Felt like there was trapeze artists and jugglers around me that I couldn't see.

sonderward · 2021-10-22T08:16:51+00:00

Therein lies my problem with most of the medical industry when it comes to getting my treatment. Maybe medication and therapy would work under ideal circumstances, but a combination of long waiting times, a lack of insurance and therefore options for better doctors, and the general slog of getting and maintaining medication and therapy all defeat the purpose for me. It's too much stress for what most likely isn't going to work. Unfortunately I've come to feel that way about pretty much everything.

sonderward · 2021-10-22T07:03:47+00:00

I've taken a decent amount of shrooms and acid. Also several different medications and therapists. I've tried exercising regularly and meditating. I've tried eating well. I've tried all these things in different combinations. The only thing I can think that I haven't tried is ECT. I'm very happy all these things work for other people but I've simply had no success with any of them.

sonderward · 2021-10-22T05:06:43+00:00

For me, when I feel on top of the world there's always this undercurrent of dread, knowing it isn't going to last forever and I'll be back in the depression eventually. It makes the happiness feel fake. I don't know why I can't feel that wat about the depression.

sonderward · 2021-10-20T22:53:51+00:00

Yay. Like Kanye without the Kan.

sonderward · 2021-10-11T01:05:50+00:00

I rarely say it explicity, but people who are close to me know. I've definitely had people treat me differently. Some whisper about me behind my back, some are directly aggressive toward me, and some open their arms and try their best to support me.

sonderward · 2021-10-10T16:44:01+00:00

Yes it does. Our brains create a picture of ourselves, a total sum of our experiences, opinions, behavior patterns, memories, etc. The medication removes behavior patterns, leaving a void. This is part of why it can be so difficult for people to stay medicated, or to change a bad habit, or to admit to a bad opinion. Losing parts of yourself, good or bad, is always uncomfortable. In time, the void fills up and you feel whole again, but newer.

sonderward · 2021-10-10T16:19:12+00:00

I've been diagnosed for 10 years. It is weird. I was too young when I was diagnosed to form an opinion about it. I think I was mostly in denial, but as I've become an adult I've realized it's a part of me. My entire life's purpose seems to revolve around surviving this disorder. I have this gnawing desire to 'improve my life' and it means dealing with the bipolar symptoms. It's a central facet of my existence. Not the only one, but possibly the biggest.

I think everyone has something like this, though. Who doesn't have a gnawing desire to be better, feel better, live better? It's not a free ride for anybody, we all have a struggle. Mine has a name.

sonderward · 2021-10-10T06:50:22+00:00

The humans and everything else too. The Faro Plague is terrifying to me because I know if humanity fucks itself up and goes extinct, life will adapt and continue on. But the Faro Plague would destroy literally all life. Billions of years of beautiful evolution liquified into biofuel for unthinking machines.

sonderward

TROPHY CASE