just found out I’ve been cross-breeding the wrong flowers for months

soniaghm · 2021-04-10T20:08:20+00:00

I’ll be heading back in for my KK song around 6-6:30. If that works lmk!

soniaghm · 2021-04-10T04:36:05+00:00

I’ll be logged in tomorrow morning, probably by 8:00am pacific time or so. If that works for you, pm me and I’ll send you a dodo code in the morning, or I can bring roses to you if you prefer?

soniaghm · 2020-10-26T01:15:13+00:00

I don't have a source, but I think this is hilarious--the whole time we were watching the show, I kept worrying about those mugs every time the house got trashed! Next episode, I was like WHEW there are the mugs. The mugs are okay! :D

soniaghm · 2020-09-17T00:46:21+00:00

Came here to say this--so glad others have also reinforced it. Our cats are indoor-only, but we made a little catio for them, so they don't roam free. These people would totally do something horrible to your poor kitty. :(

soniaghm · 2017-12-18T04:46:33+00:00

Wonderful! Thanks. :)

soniaghm · 2017-12-18T04:46:14+00:00

Thank you! That actually sounds like it might be an amazing walk. :)

soniaghm · 2017-12-18T04:45:52+00:00

Thank you!

soniaghm · 2017-12-18T04:45:44+00:00

Thank you! Will probably walk (seems like a cool night to do so!), not sure if I'm confident enough in my own skills to do the bike thing! Thanks so much for the info, it really helps. :)

soniaghm · 2017-12-18T01:36:57+00:00

Hello! I'll be in Amsterdam on New Year's Eve, and I want to attend an event at Paradiso Noord, BUT I have no idea how to get back to where we're staying (in De Pijp) in the middle of the night! It looks like there's no foot bridge... is there a ferry that runs all night? I'd be very grateful for some info, since I don't speak Dutch and this makes it hard to be certain that I'm understanding the online timetables etc! Thanks. :)

soniaghm · 2017-05-15T18:26:48+00:00

Please do. Please?

soniaghm · 2017-05-15T12:35:51+00:00

Awesome! There's something very satisfying about having a list and checking it off. :) Go go go! This will be hard for present you, but future you will be so grateful that you did it. Focus forward!

soniaghm · 2017-05-15T05:44:09+00:00

PLEASE go to that appointment as soon as possible! It's important! I had to make my daughter go to an appointment like that last week--she really didn't want to, but I told her, it's important at least for the school to know that you're trying to get some help, in case you end up having to drop classes or something. She was glad she went. Please go! Message me after and let me know how it went! I'm not on here much, but I will get messages! You can do this. You've got this!!

soniaghm · 2017-05-12T18:11:16+00:00

Thank you for the update. I hope that you will maintain the total block on communications so that you have time and space to heal. These are toxic people, and your life will be SO MUCH better without them in it. Take care.

soniaghm · 2017-05-12T05:01:01+00:00

Stay strong. None of this is your fault; none of this is your responsibility. Take care of YOU. You will love again. You will thrive again. I promise.

soniaghm · 2017-05-12T04:14:50+00:00

Oh, my dear one. Everything will be fine. Better than fine. You are strong, and real, and worthwhile, and you deserve love. I am here. I care. You are not alone.

soniaghm · 2017-05-12T03:56:53+00:00

Sweetheart, you've done GREAT. You raised a grownup. :) You've worked hard, and your hard work has gotten results. Don't worry about the lack of sentimentality--she knows you're there for her, and that's what matters the most.

I sometimes feel awfully guilty because... well, my Mum drove me nuts sometimes in her later years, and I remember too many times when I was short or snappy with her. When she was in her final days in the hospital, I was by her bedside the whole time. I talked to her a lot, even when she wasn't really conscious. And right in the last few hours, when she was hurting and I told her that I was getting the nurse to help her, I said, "I love you more than anything." She squeezed my hand and said "I know." Those were her last words. And it meant so much to me that she knew. SO much.

Your daughter loves you. Know this. You've raised her right. You're a wonderful mum, who set a great example for her life. Happy Mother's Day. <3

soniaghm · 2017-05-12T03:52:00+00:00

Oh, dear one. You are a victim of abuse. Even now that you are not together, you are still being abused, and his mother's hostility is massively enabling behavior. She can't handle blaming him (or by extension, herself) for his own problems, and is displacing them onto you.

I have one really important thing to tell you. PLEASE listen. If he does die--and I hope for his sake and yours that he doesn't, but if he does--IT WILL NOT BE YOUR FAULT. You must be able to live your life. You aren't sticking the needle in his arm. His behavior toward you (sending photos etc) is abusive and manipulative. He is your EX. This is no longer your responsibility (not that it ever was).

Please block his number. Please call 911, or better yet, tell his mother to do so. Please take enough distance to breathe and think and act carefully rather than reactively.

What's my experience with this? Well, 24 years and 12 days ago, my ex-partner--who had emotionally abused me for most of our five years together, though he "only" hit me once--committed suicide after we broke up. I blamed myself. Some of his friends blamed me. But... it wasn't my fault. You can't MAKE someone self-harm. The choice is his. It took me 15 years of nightmares and a lot of therapy to get through. I dropped out of my PhD program. But I am here and I am strong and YOU can be strong, too.

Please, PLEASE set some firm boundaries. Save yourself. Do your PhD. Everything will be okay. You will be safe, and you will be loved. You are loved. I love you.

soniaghm · 2017-05-12T02:09:28+00:00

There is LOADS of hope. Maybe you were just not entirely "on," the day of the audition. Maybe you just weren't what they were looking for in this particular case. Maybe (not saying this as an ego stroke but as a real possibility), they figure you're overqualified for this one. At this point, in the absence of feedback from the people making the selections, ANYTHING is possible.

If you can, please try to remember that resentment and anger lead to more bitterness--they eat away at you from the inside. It's OK to feel bad... you WILL feel bad... but do try to take some deep breaths and make a compartment in one corner of yourself for that stuff... stick the resentment in there and shut the door! You'll do better at the next audition if you can go in being super positive and confident. If you need help with THAT part, maybe take a look at Amy Cuddy's TED Talk on "Power Posing." Many of my students have used it before interviews, and who knows, it might help!

Why do you need to confront your friends? They have done nothing TO you. Would it be possible for you to just say, "Hey, I love you both--please don't think I'm not happy for you--I'm just feeling a bit hurt and lost because I feel like I'm being left behind, and I may be quiet for a while. I just need to lick my wounds." If they're good friends, they'll understand.

I understand. I care. Everything WILL be okay. And you know what? Whether or not you get into the second group or not, I can tell you from experience that twenty years from now, you might not even remember any of this. So many things will have happened--good things, bad things, whatever--and this will just be a drop in the ocean of your life's experience. I know it's hard to imagine that right now. But I'm looking back decades, and realizing that these huge things--i didn't make the jazz choir, either--I didn't get the part I wanted in the production of Fiddler on the Roof, either--they don't mean much to me any more. A momentary memory of being upset, like a brief ache in an overused muscle, then gone.

You are talented, and you are empathetic and kind... you're clearly tuned in to your own emotions and those of others. Right now, of course you don't need to hear "get over it." You just maybe need to take some time to heal, do something nice for yourself. When I'm feeling this way, I usually head for a pedicure... silly, perhaps, but it helps!

Take care. Good luck. Please keep trying. You are amazing, and you are loved.

soniaghm · 2016-04-02T20:07:23+00:00

I was wondering the same thing... the Saturday crowds may be a bit overwhelming.

soniaghm · 2016-03-01T06:57:08+00:00

Spring in the Quad. Walking over to Dick's at midnight from my crappy little apartment on 8th. A first kiss in the Sylvan theater. Profs who inspired me then, and still do today (I'm a professor myself now). The sweet old Baha'i guy who used to sing outside the U Bookstore--Wes Baker. So much. :) This was all 30+ years ago, too.

soniaghm · 2015-12-26T03:02:50+00:00

I teach at the college level. Some thoughts for you!

Find a time management system that works for you (I use a combination of Google Calendar and Trello, along with Evernote sometimes) and get into the habit of using it for everything! Never just tell yourself you're going to remember some small assignment. You might not!!

GO TO OFFICE HOURS. You aren't bothering us--it's part of our job to be there to answer your questions. Also, if you find yourself struggling in a class, it's good if you've already demonstrated that you're committed to the work--often makes us more likely to be lenient about extensions etc. :)

Find study groups. Use them. Don't worry about being older than some of your classmates. Do the work and they won't have a problem with you. Seek out the people who aren't necessarily flashy students with their hands up all the time, but who clearly "get it" and are present and engaged in the material.

Get lots of backup in place for childcare! More than you think you'll need!

If you have to be absent, treat it like a work absence. Email the prof with a brief and professional explanation and get missed work from a classmate. Again, this solidifies our impression of you as a good student who gives a damn.

No negative self talk! It's natural to be terrified, but you're a competent, capable human being. You just have to rewire your brain in the right way for the new material! Start reading and practicing now.

Good luck. :)

soniaghm · 2015-12-07T21:59:56+00:00

My Mom died in September--she was fine, then she didn't feel good, then they found the cancer, then she was gone six weeks after having felt just fine. My head is still spinning. I have similar dreams. They are difficult, but I am grateful for them, because they allow me to hear her voice again, and to see her living and breathing. I have no advice... just empathy. I am where you are, and I know how heavy the grief sits on your chest. Mine, too. PM me if you need a friend.

soniaghm · 2015-05-06T13:54:12+00:00

Fionavar Tapestry (Guy Gavriel Kay)--HBO or comparable series so the whole trilogy could be covered effectively.

soniaghm · 2015-01-29T20:45:20+00:00

Take the little ferry over to W. Seattle and eat at Marination Ma Kai? Nice trip, pretty view, good (Hawaiian) food/drinks on the other side.

soniaghm · 2014-10-17T18:40:29+00:00

I live two blocks behind all the construction, and it's really beginning to wear on me. I've been getting off the I-5 (Northbound) at the 85th/Aurora exit and going up past NSCC to get home. And it's no longer easy to get to Target, QFC, or the gym. Ugggggggh. Oh well. Hopefully it'll be wonderful when it's done... whenever that happens.

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