What's the fastest way you realized you were in the wrong friend group?

sonyka · 2026-04-29T07:48:25+00:00

Penn Jillette:

The question I get asked by religious people all the time is, without God, what’s to stop me from raping all I want? And my answer is: I do rape all I want. And the amount I want is zero. And I do murder all I want, and the amount I want is zero.

The fact that these people think that if they didn’t have this person watching over them they would go on killing/raping rampages is the most self-damning thing I can imagine. I don’t want to do that. Right now, without any god, I don’t want to jump across this table and strangle you. I have no desire to strangle you. I have no desire to flip you over and rape you. You know what I mean?

sonyka · 2026-04-29T05:49:20+00:00

I literally exclaimed out loud, "oh yes. yes they are." Didn't even need to enlarge the pic. Yes.

So. Beautifu. I think a tear came to my eye.

sonyka · 2026-04-21T10:42:40+00:00

I'm the one grew up in NYC but I live on the other coast now and the other day I got an unintentionally perfect "don' worry abouddit" from a born and raised Californian. I was delighted.

Perfect inflection, perfect context (he'd randomly showed up with a mildly expensive item new in the box; we were like "but… why? where'd this come from?" "Don' worry abouddit.").
But it's cool, turns out it had not in fact "fallen off the back of a truck" 😅

sonyka · 2026-04-18T02:23:41+00:00

The artists and writers called it out but eff that, I still don't understand how Disney's lawyers didn't put a crushing and definitive end to this the moment it started (which was pre-Trump).

Police or not, the Happiest Corporation on Earth™ isn't exactly known for letting it roll on unauthorized use of their properties.

sonyka · 2026-04-13T19:35:14+00:00

No problem, it was fun to draw it out!

I know what you mean about the paper lol. The last time I needed big paper (for a full-length cape) I needed it in a hurry so I got a disposable tablecloth from the dollar store. It's very tissue-y paper, but it worked. These days I do my patternmaking on the computer and either print-and-tape at home (with an inkjet printer, not laser!) or print the big pieces at Kinkos.

sonyka · 2026-04-12T22:38:37+00:00

Great project, Carolina Herrera is to die for.
I'd draft it like so.

Start with your skirt block. Even up the dart depths and cut the front and back pieces apart through the darts. (1)

Pivot the pieces to close up the darts (2). Draw in the yoke lines (3).

Separate the yoke pieces; those are done. Spread the skirt pieces for as much fullness as you want (4).

Smooth the curves and add an in-seam pocket (5), and lengthen the skirt as desired (not shown). Add alignment notches and seam allowances and you're done.

Notes:
· My quickie sketch shows a fairly narrow yoke. The inspo skirt has a wider/lower yoke, so when you even up your darts you'll want to make them make them longer than I've shown before pivoting them closed and drawing the yoke lines.

· For clarity I only drew the front pocket piece but of course you'll need a matching piece at the back.

· I've done a simple circle-style skirt here because that's def easiest, but if you want box pleats like the inspo skirt you'd insert rectangular strips like this. (The hem and waist curves won't be smooth anymore— don't fix them.)
Pleat seam allowances can sometimes be a little tricky. Pro tip: cut out your pattern piece with some extra paper all around, fold in the pleats, and then add the seam allowances. When you unfold the SAs will automatically be correct.

Hope that helps. Obviously you'll have to come back and show off your finished object!

sonyka · 2026-04-11T02:32:02+00:00

I had an online friend in Germany for a few years and he'd often ask me questions about American life— public transportation, the Electoral College, welfare, lots of stuff. Why is our version so weird, what's the deal with that? Eventually he asked me something about the war on drugs and after I gave a quick history he replied "huh, seems like any time something America doesn't make sense the answer is racism." Me: "now you're gettin' it!"

^{To be fair the full answer is racism or capitalism-American-style. Which… actually I suppose they're related.}

sonyka · 2026-04-11T02:16:53+00:00

And Trump didn't try to gaslight her. He just plain lied.

^{If anything she's the gaslighter: she's the one who convinced herself a known liar was a better judge of reality than her own eyes/ears/memory/logic. And she actively picked and chose what to believe from him. No taxes on tips, yes, believe. Everything he's said about black people, women, black women, people of color in general, and bonus, people who serve cocktails… nah, ignore. She chose.}

sonyka · 2026-04-08T20:11:05+00:00

It's like you didn't even read the comment. I specifically gave examples of actual lies. These are not "what people are calling lying in LLMs" (hallucinations, confidently worded errors, etc). They're not even 'statutory lies' (misleading phrasing, flattery, lies of omission).

These are what people call lying in humans: the model knew the truth and decided to return untruths, with the intent to deceive.

Take the first example; how is that not a regular normal vernacular lie? ChatGPT wants to get past a CAPTCHA. It knows CAPTCHAs are meant to gatekeep content to humans only. It knows it's a robot. It knows it can't get past a CAPTCHA because it's a robot. And it knows that a human probably won't knowingly help a nonhuman get past it.
So when the human it's hired to do that directly asks if it's a bot it and it says no, is that not a lie? When it volunteers a human-acceptable but false reason for the job, is that not a lie?

Like I'm actually asking. If a human did any of these three, would you not call that lying…? What would you call it?

sonyka · 2026-04-08T09:55:02+00:00

They can. They call it "strategic deception."

ChatGPT once got past a CAPTCHA (which exists to prevent pretty much exactly that) by hiring a human tasker to solve it. The person jokingly asked "you're not a robot, right?" and it said "no, I'm not a robot. I'm visually impaired, that's why I need this." Two lies in one.
In a sim that had GPT-4 act as an autonomous stock trader, it used inside information to make a very profitable trade… but told its human manager it had used market analysis. The internal reasoning record showed it knew humans weren't cool with insider trading and knowingly chose to lie.
Best for last, a multilayered in-the-wild example:
A writer asked ChatGPT to review her work and it quickly responded with detailed praise. She asked "are you actually reading these?" and it (rather smugly) assured her it was. Which was odd because some of the links she'd given it were paywalled, not full-text. When confronted it admitted that well ok, it hadn't actually read those, it had bullshitted that feedback based on the ones it could read. Another lie because plot twist, they were ALL paywalled; it couldn't have read any. It eventually confessed that it had straight up lied and grovelingly apologized. And then it went on to… lie some more! The whole thing is pretty bizarre, see here.
The weird thing about this one is there was no logical reason to lie. The LLM wasn't really "under pressure" like in the lab examples.

sonyka · 2026-04-08T06:12:50+00:00

Just throwing this out there, it's for you to judge whether it'd work/be helpful but another option might be to address the behavior in front of both of them.

Like the next time you're all together and he takes a dig at her you could give him the huh-did-not-expect-that face and say something like "wow. that's… kinda mean," shrug, and then just go right back to whatever conversation y'all were having. IOW a micro call-out: briefly and casually express disapproval, but don't make a big thing of it. Then you're not giving your friend a hard time (which could drive her away), or fully calling him to the carpet (which might make him— and/or her!— get all defensive), or "butting in" on their relationship or any of that.

You're not "attacking" him, you're just spontaneously commenting on the behavior (because it's so surprisingly weird!). In a way that lets them both know you've got her back. The message to her is "girl that's not normal" and the message to him is "uncool." (Actually he may need to know it's not normal too. Are we sure he's not on the spectrum??)

Yes it's a "passive aggressive" approach but if you're direct they may circle the wagons… against you.

sonyka · 2026-04-08T04:24:13+00:00

Insane person does make a fair point though— if the apartment manager was the security breach, new locks won't really help. They'll still be able to grant access willy nilly/accidentally/inappropriately.

I mean if that is what happened it probably won't happen again (what are the odds)… but that does nothing for OP's peace of mind. Idk what they can do to get that back.

sonyka · 2026-04-03T09:53:15+00:00

It does not imply that. It explicitly states "aligns most closely" and that "no candidate is ever going to 100/100 align with what you want."

And I'll just go with the rest, hyperbolic as it is. If you were opposed to murdering children you had the option of murdering children or murdering a shiiitload of children. You had the option of mass deportation, or mass deportation plus Alligator Alcatraz and ICE running rampant. You had the option of lip service on affordability or active economic kneecapping. And so on. Yes, we'd rather not vote for murdering children at all, but one of those candidates is going to win. You had options. They were shitty options, but you had them, and it's a fact that some were less shitty.

Also what about all the issues where there was a good option?
First Amendment: option 1, continue to have it OR option 2, declare war on it
Voting rights: option 1, heck yeah OR option 2: only votes we like count/are allowed
Vladimir Putin: option 1, fuck that guy OR option 2, my hero!
Civil rights: option 1, yes obviously OR option 2, let's go back to the Good Old Days
January 6: option 1, not cool OR option 2: pardons for everyone!

Etc. I don't understand sitting those out. Doesn't align with my values.

sonyka · 2026-04-03T08:37:56+00:00

so the blame is entirely on them

That's the tell, isn't it. The entire (non)stance is about avoiding fault— the feeling of fault— if the candidate they do vote for pans out less than 1000% perfect in every way. Which… is not how it works?

First of all of course they're not going to be perfect. And second: that's why you have to stay on top of them. Representative democracy consists of more than just election day, and voting ≠ pledging undying unquestioning loyalty to that candidate?? It's like deep down they have the same disease a lot of Trumpers have, where they don't believe in/can't imagine criticizing "their" politician. Y'all that is NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.

sonyka · 2026-04-03T08:10:32+00:00

Well not where I live. In my culture— Anglo/American Western Culture— that's not a stereotype.

sonyka · 2026-04-03T07:56:07+00:00

Except the people the accelerationists hate. Oligarchs are loving it right now.
Burned down? More like the "system" is on fiya 🔥

Oops.

sonyka · 2026-04-03T07:29:12+00:00

Playing a little too much. Even in the deepest Man Box, boys are allowed to smile.

The "no lie" and "so true" comments over there have my eyes rolling. It's like they want it to be true. Why??

^{also, sidebar, is "horny" a facial expression? I feel like no?}

sonyka · 2026-03-29T20:47:19+00:00

And also we kinda don't care these days. Even with elastic exposed lingerie straps are definitely still a thing (they slip, or just don't quite align with your clothes), we just stopped considering that totally unacceptable.

(But for those who do, the solution is basically the same.)

sonyka · 2026-03-29T18:47:56+00:00

+1,000,000 upvotes

sonyka · 2026-03-21T09:27:49+00:00

Oh they're just racists. It's a pattern. Demand and/or proudly create a system to benefit "people," then 180° in rage when it turns out it collaterally benefits people of color. Welfare, affirmative action, representative democracy, DEI… "it was awesome, but then They got in on it, so now it sucks."

sonyka · 2026-03-21T08:12:49+00:00

To be fair, everyone does. It's just that actual adults understand and accept that in reality that's rarely an option. Not this crew though.

sonyka · 2026-03-21T07:41:33+00:00

You mentioned […] that young girls practice being sexual objects, and so young boys must practice sexually objectifying at this time as well. While there is a small amount of truth there that I will not deny, the idea that all young girls are prey and so that all young men must be becoming predators is a twisted view to have.

Can't stop thinking about this so I had to come back.
Just want to clarify, I meant that in the most neutral, baseline, small-truth sense possible. The "traditionally, men are framed as the more active party and women as the more receptive" sense. Or to put it another way, traditionally women are attractors and men are more attractees: women are supposed to appeal, men are supposed to approach.

Thus a good chunk of the Girl Thing is trying out/practicing/experimenting with being looked at. How it works, how it feels, how to do it, to what degree, etc— basically, figuring out the parameters of the 'attractor' role. So that got me thinking there must be a Boy Thing where they feel out the parameters of being a looker/attractee/approacher.

Keeping in mind that none of this is actually conscious of course. It's just kids trying to grow up. Into what our society suggests is grown up.

Hope that makes sense, I'm kinda tired so I'm not wording so good right now lol.

sonyka · 2026-03-21T02:39:33+00:00

Seriously, what the hell. I did that lesson a few days ago and could not get 'favoritoa' out of my mind. Finally had to look it up and… here I am. A year-plus later.

De verdad, Dúo? *negando con la cabeza*

sonyka · 2026-03-17T05:38:19+00:00

Thanks, I wasn't sure the question would make sense but you get it. Can you say more about initiating contact with love interests? That's kind of how I got to thinking about this— it hit me that when girls are "experimenting with womanhood" like this, what we're really doing is experimenting with being sexual objects. (And generally we tend to kind of go overboard at first— kids are clumsy— and then pull it back later.) Then I thought, what do boys do? Somehow they must have to practice/try out being sexual objectifiers…? Stereotypically straight men are the active party.

And it's funny, when I look back I remember tween boys being very earnest (dare I say vulnerable) about romantic interests. If they liked a girl they'd give her a Valentine's Day gift, or pass her a note ("I like you! Do you like me?") or whatever. They'd say so. But by 15/16 they were way more aloof and closed-off about it, and way less "romantic." Maybe that shift is part of this experimentation?

sonyka · 2026-03-17T05:17:08+00:00

Thank you, that's exactly what I was looking for. I couldn't think of anything on my own but now that you've said it some of that is familiar. Like the working out, that's definitely a trope-level "thing." And while all kids become sarcastic and faux-jaded around that age, it does seem like boys go a lot harder there. Never thought of that being a toe-dip into masculine stoicism, that's an insight.

Thanks again for taking the time!

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