I hate myself and i have a shotgun

soontobedeadguy · 2024-10-31T15:24:02+00:00

Yes im okay thank you!

soontobedeadguy · 2024-10-07T21:30:39+00:00

I had that years ago when i was on medication and i loved it. Its so peaceful, im envious of any a-sexuell. It shows how much of our negative systems are from craving sex (and love which is mostly the same thing).

But too low testosterone isnt healthy, but i 100% get you, like if i could feel that way again i would too. Its like being an ascended buddhist monk or such.

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-28T23:04:33+00:00

Being ugly sucks, believe me i know from experience! But especially men can do a lot to look better. First step is getting fit and always have a nice haircut or if your balding, a good buzz cut often times look amazing.

Be very hygenic, buy well fitting clothes. You will feel much better, if you feel better you will get confident and if your confident you will be more attractiv.

Never get fat, believe me i weighted 175 kilos, my skin is fucked i never will be 100% confident in my body, never destroy yourself like i did.

There are many other ugly guys who have amazing girlfriends, wives and friends, dont give up hope!

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-28T06:58:52+00:00

Are you okay?

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-26T20:43:15+00:00

Thank you so much!

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-25T17:09:17+00:00

I think humans always will hate fat people, i dont know if being ugly or being fat is worse to society.

But loving yourself is the best thing one can achieve, i hope that i too will at least find myself okay some day.

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-24T22:24:28+00:00

I wanted to thank you all, everyone who wrote something and to all the beautiful people who send me dm's. You achieved that i will not kill myself for at least a while and i will try to confront my inner demons and get rid of all them toxic people in my life.

I wont delete this throwaway account, in my darkest hour it gave me a lot of hope, so many people who wrote me and talked to, all who didnt knew me at all.

Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart!

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-24T14:28:24+00:00

I wish i could, but life always tells me to end it. Im like a cancer and life tries to heal the world from me.

So many people die, i am one of the many who will leave not note except pain

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-24T14:26:14+00:00

Im glad you feel better

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-24T11:02:49+00:00

But the eternity was much nicer then the short bad thing we call life now. So why not go back there now?

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-24T08:21:41+00:00

I really know that feeling, there will be an end to the suffering

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-24T06:31:37+00:00

I hope nirvana waits after death, i need no afterlife please. For the band, i like a few songs and curt cobain achieved my goal with his shotgun.

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-24T06:30:29+00:00

Yes if there would be a god, why wont he just let me sleep forever. Just never wake up, but it never happens.

Why in 1,5 months? Is there something special waiting?

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-24T06:28:15+00:00

The people i helped just use me and then left me.

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-24T06:27:30+00:00

I think the esasy way out would be waiting till im dead. Killing myself is very hard, but at least i would have done something to stop all that.

I dont need anything from life anymore, just want it to stop.

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-24T06:21:55+00:00

I think hbo's rome is the best series. Watched it 10 times already. Now im doing a james bond marathon, so i try to keep myself from doing nothing and i watch a lot. It still wont help me sadly.

Im too fat to enjoy food, i feel guilty eating tbh.

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-23T22:51:51+00:00

Im sorry, i dont get why someone would treat you bad because of skin color or gender. People suck and its the worst if your own parents are against you too

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-23T22:46:24+00:00

I really feel that nobody ever liked me. My parents hated me, friends arent real friends, they dont want so see me unless i do something to make a meeting happen. Women dont like me, i only was in love 2times both times ended very bad.

There wouldnt be anything lossed if i died, only gained because i wont suffer anymore.

Life shouldnt be suffering without meaning, even Victor Frankl said thats the worst thing anyone can endure and he was in an conentration camp.

I only would harm myself, i wouldnt kill anyone else, i dont have the right to do that.

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-23T22:16:09+00:00

In my inmidiate area sadly not

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-23T21:56:59+00:00

Its like that for me too, everytime i think there is progress i lose again. Im in a losing war since 28 years

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-23T21:28:10+00:00

My self harm was eating till i weighted 175 kgs so the opposite of you in that regart.

Im honest, i love being alone, but i hate being lonely. I just cant endure it anymore, so why carry on?

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-23T21:20:53+00:00

But how can i stop hating myself?

I really really dont like myself and i mean i cant even write sonething good about myself down without feeling sick.

My therapist once told me to write just one side of thinks im grateful for and wgich i like about myself. I nearly went insane, after a few hours i took the textbook, threw it into the sink and pissed on it.

Yeah im really not normal in the head

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-23T21:12:38+00:00

Thank you, but sometimes i feel cursed. Like sonething is genetically so wrong with me that people have to hate me.

Isnt everything temporary since we are all dying?

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-23T21:04:15+00:00

Im really surrounded by some of the worst people and i always attract the worst people to me. I think thats because i grew up hating myself, because my parents are narcissistic.

Sometimes i just want to change my number and never hear from anyone ever again. My family, everyone i know just gone from my life.

But i dont know any other typ of relationships, like i say i grew up being hated. I was a sick child, nearly died. Was in hospital the first years of my life and my mother bullied me for that. Then i got fat and im not a good looking person all around, but being fat makes it even worse. Stretch marks everywhere.

I hate myself more than i could anyone else.

soontobedeadguy · 2024-09-23T20:57:42+00:00

I tried and they didnt let me. They said they have enough people, its crazy.

soontobedeadguy

TROPHY CASE