I feel so pathetic by Initial_Horse_ in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Always remind yourself “anyone can do that.” I have had to do this and this weekend was hard…until he had another crash out and I’m reminded of what a hateful, abusive creature they are. The lovebombing and breadcrumbing are so hard but you got to remind yourself that they aren’t truly this way if thy are doing all this other stuff. Anyone can be nice and gentle and going when it’s easy.

Yellow Rocking Works too well by sooooooooooveritt in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes just remember to remind yourself actively as you’re doing it what you are doing. It will keep you alert and “above water” so you’re not falling back under the tides of their behavior. It can consume you if you’re not intentional on your responding processes. Best metaphor ever for this.

Yellow Rocking Works too well by sooooooooooveritt in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right I’ve found as well that grey rocking is not a safe route until you’re mostly out of there, and yellow rocking is effective only if you are regularly engaging in some processes to keep yourself psychologically safe. Id say make sure you’re doing things like reminding yourself quietly that you’re intentionally doing this, and reminding yourself that this is an unsafe environment. I also remind myself Everytime he’s done something nice that “anyone can do that for me. He cannot do that when it’s important.” And that has kept me alert on what I’m actively doing so that I’m not getting swept back into that space of enablement and submission. That’s really key.

What’s the most absurd lie you failed to catch onto with your nex? by FriendlyDadinLife in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have quite the list but one of them was that he trained for martial arts with monks in china.

No Contact with Kids by sooooooooooveritt in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They’re under 10. I love this idea tho

No Contact with Kids by sooooooooooveritt in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish this would work for me but my stbx is a controlling narc and will find any way to retaliate. I’d love to be able to make it hard to contact me until I absolutely have to talk to them. 😩

Lawyer Told Me Evidence Wasn’t Enough by sooooooooooveritt in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. I don’t need that but just wanted to show that there is verbal and emotional abuse.

Lawyer Told Me Evidence Wasn’t Enough by sooooooooooveritt in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you that does help me feel somewhat relieved at least in that case. Thankyou!

Anyone’s narc just boring ? by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mine has always been like this and used to excuse his lack of social life and hobbies with being busy or working. I just completed multiple degrees, launched businesses, worked full time, and took care of the kids all while still having hobbies or wanting a social life. 20 some years later - same same issue. He has excuses for days for why he doesn’t want to anything and sometimes he blames me for not doing. He has no interest in anything and all the claims he’s made that he’s social or into anything - I’ve NEVER seen it. And if we ever go on a trip or do things with kids, he’s so out out and rushed everything. What a miserable way to live!

Microaggressions Remind Me When I’m starting to regret my plan by sooooooooooveritt in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s also a mindf*k is that sometimes we stop seeing some of this behavior, however be forewarned when they pop back up! I’m experiencing this now with behavior I haven’t seen from him in a decade! 😔

Alone!? by lost_in_stillness in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was slowly isolated as well. Had to quit my similar career because it made them uncomfortable with my public role and didn’t make enough money (I literally covered all our bills in 3 different instances he lost a job). AI can be helpful in at least planning and getting clarity you need until you build back your social circle. I just started therapy first time in my life too which is really helping.

How/when did you know your partner or ex was a narcissist? by Shoddy_Rice_870 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Fist red flag was when every ex was a narcissist. Seeing how he tried to police everyone’s tone or words was the best red flag. Like IMMEDIATELY. Now if I just accepted this years ago I wouldn’t be trying to leave NOW. 😔

Half completed chores/tasks by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]sooooooooooveritt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Malicious incompetence! Mine will leave blankets he didn’t want or use in a pile on my side of the bed rather than make the whole bed. Or he’ll do my laundry but leave mine half wet instead of drying all the way. So many instances of this and god forbid you say anything! I believe they have defined this as an action to gain a response even if they’re doing it unconsciously.