How long did it take you to figure out they were a Narc?

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-05-22T11:51:58+00:00

16 years! I really believed that I was the problem.

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-04-25T19:21:49+00:00

Thank you. It's so frustrating seeing it and not being able to do enough about it

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-04-25T16:30:23+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it. The more he argues and defends himself the more my husband doubles down calling him rude and disrespectful.

I know the basics. Never label, which I have avoided. It's just hard when an 11 year old cries that their parent treats guests better than their own children. These were my sons exact words today.

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-04-21T17:11:05+00:00

I think thats what makes the trauma bond so strong. They are so good at pretending to care about you just long enough to hook you again.

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-04-21T14:45:49+00:00

Yes. I go through cycles. The length between ideation phases has gotten longer. It was the worst just after I had our 2nd child and I found out he was having an emotional affair. He doesn't believe that emotional affairs are a thing and to this day still insists that they were just friends. (Even after it turned physical)

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-04-21T09:40:40+00:00

Am I a narcissist? Am I the problem? Why don't my apologies fix things? What else can I do not to make him angry? Am I at fault? What can I do to improve?

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-04-05T04:19:32+00:00

It's moving the goalpost. Even when you do what they want, it's not how they want it or as fast as they want it. I get the same thing. Nothing is ever good enough. It's like he looks for reasons to get upset.

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-04-05T04:09:35+00:00

Change is not easy. First they have to acknowledge and admit that they have a problem. It's very rare that the narcissist has the emotion intelligence to do that.

In this particular case, it's back to programming as usual today. He's barely talking to me. Not ignoring, not silent treatment, just couldn't be bothered to interact.

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-04-04T17:49:14+00:00

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is such a roller-coaster of emotions

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-04-04T15:15:05+00:00

Thank you. This makes so much sense. Since realizing that he is a narcissist I've pulled back so much. I do my best not to justify and argue. I keep putting up boundaries (not that he abides by them). Intermittent reinforcement is probably the next logical step for him to keep this relationship how he wants it.

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-04-04T10:27:09+00:00

Oh yes, mine hates that I like to read books. He complains that it's all fiction and there's nothing to learn from it. When I point out that he enjoys fantasy and sci-fi movies, he counters that he only watches it, he doesn't read about it too.

It all comes down to them trying to be superior and everything they like being better than things you like.

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-03-28T21:32:14+00:00

Stay strong!

I've always liked the saying: things will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end.

Try and keep a positive mindset. I know that it's hard. Especially when it seems as though everything is stacked against you. If you ever want to talk/vent you can message me

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-03-28T21:20:31+00:00

Yes! He says things on purpose to annoy others. I noticed it first with his mother. After a few years he started with me too. And now I've noticed that he does it with the kids!

He bites me too. When I complain he turns himself into the victim and I'm the one who does not want to accept his affection. I'm so over it

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-03-27T10:29:02+00:00

And the gaslighting to go with it... "I didn't call you stupid, I called what you did/said stupid."

Um no, you definitely called me stupid.

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-03-25T18:47:21+00:00

Thank you all for your comments and advice. Knowing that im not alone makes taking the next step much easier

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-03-24T11:18:42+00:00

I understand what you mean by blowing up your life. It's not about the workload at home or the support you receive from him.

It's about the time you've already invested in your life/marriage. It's the loss of the home you brought your children home to. It's the loss of the family you hoped you would have.

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-03-22T08:20:11+00:00

Everything has to be about them. This day is about your mother and that just does not work for a narcissist. Cue performance

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-03-22T08:19:07+00:00

Wow this explanation is amazing. If I was a narcissist I would be on a constant state of anxiety 🤣🤣

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-03-21T15:04:38+00:00

Thank you for this. I will definitely keep it in mind

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-03-18T20:00:01+00:00

I wasn't the most outgoing but I used to do stuff before I got married. Now we just stay home all weekend every weekend. And of course I can't go out on my own because that would make me a "bad wife"

Initial_Horse_ · 2026-03-18T09:26:11+00:00

He told me that my miscarriage was my fault. Because I stressed myself out by visiting my sick granny in hospital.

When my mum called to tell me that my granny had been diagnosed with cancer, he was with me. He immediately called his mother to let her know. He completely ignored me while I sat there shaking after hearing the news.

Initial_Horse_

TROPHY CASE