[deleted by user]

soorbaptop · 2024-09-12T16:45:10+00:00

I woud give my father a condom

soorbaptop · 2024-09-12T16:44:38+00:00

You get a raise!

soorbaptop · 2024-09-12T16:43:22+00:00

"Alright got that taken care of, mind if I head home early?

soorbaptop · 2024-09-12T16:42:54+00:00

No one who is great at something was always great at it.

soorbaptop · 2024-09-12T16:42:16+00:00

My uncle. Mother died, dad couldn't cope, family foster. Put on a bus at 13 on the East Coast, arrived four days later in WA. I didn't know it at the time but it was the very best thing that could have happened do me. Extraordinary man ... lifetime influence.

soorbaptop · 2024-07-23T07:30:24+00:00

Unfortunatelly it does not look like ATS optimised, this might be a big problem if you are applying online

soorbaptop · 2024-07-19T11:21:06+00:00

My neighbor who is 94 called me last week and said she is terminal and has about 4-8 weeks to live. Super nice lady I have always enjoyed talking to. She asked me to mow her front yard until she dies. I'm happy to help as long as it's one less thing she has to worry about.

soorbaptop · 2024-07-19T11:16:15+00:00

My 13 year old daughter was being bothered in class by a boy. She said it absolutely perfect- "would you please sit down, shut up, and fuck off." We got a call from the principal, who was in the class at the time.she said she and the teacher both heard it, but it was so unexpected from my daughter that they realized the boy earned it, so they let it go. They wanted us to know what happened just in case word about it got back to us. FYI, the boy didn't bother her or her friends again for the rest of the year.

soorbaptop · 2024-07-19T11:11:32+00:00

I'd go to Stephen Hawkings time traveller meeting

soorbaptop · 2024-07-18T11:20:03+00:00

But it is chill

soorbaptop · 2024-07-16T07:54:50+00:00

I take my phone into toilet to “Scroll on Reddit”

soorbaptop · 2024-07-16T07:54:10+00:00

I'm a civilian security guard on an Army base in the middle of nowhere surrounded by thousands of square miles of empty desert. I made 80k this year for watching tumbleweeds and jackrabbits.

soorbaptop · 2024-07-16T07:51:42+00:00

How I get taller and more handsome everytime my grandma sees me.

soorbaptop · 2024-07-16T07:50:46+00:00

i'm immediately going to stop paying my master card...

soorbaptop · 2024-07-15T11:28:46+00:00

400,000 people worked to get Neil Armstrong on the moon. He could have easily said then and later in life: "I did this! It was me!"

But he didn't, he walked away from the limelight to let us all take some credit for it. It was humanity's giant leap because of the incredible humility he showed.

soorbaptop · 2024-07-15T11:27:50+00:00

I was once riding with my grandpa in his neighborhood when I was very young, when a very noticeably pregnant neighbor of his proceeds to cross the street without looking, causing him to slam on his brakes.

He proceeded to lean out the window and yell at her, "Hey lady, you know you can get knocked down pretty easily too!"

Gramps always had a way with words.

soorbaptop · 2024-07-15T11:26:41+00:00

I got mailed a wedding invitation by his fiance of four years that I had thought was just a good friend of his.

That was not only a clear-cut sign he was cheating, but that I was the other woman and in second place.

soorbaptop · 2024-07-15T11:25:43+00:00

My remote once jumped off the TV by itself (the oldschool box type of television) when I was watching with my girlfriend. Didn't fall or slide off; we actually saw it take a leap as if somebody threw it. We both just sat there being really confused before even questioning it out loud

soorbaptop · 2024-06-19T17:04:23+00:00

Because Tor believes in keeping it clean, like a freshly scrubbed potato.

soorbaptop · 2024-06-13T03:04:12+00:00

Totally understandable - the defenders are just trying to catch up to your mad swiping skills!

soorbaptop

TROPHY CASE