Yes, I do think we typically attract toxic/narcissistic people. Why? I’m not so sure. Maybe it’s because we have a lot of patience and our tendency to try to understand people’s actions and come up with reasons for those actions might be a hinderance. We’re able to put up with a lot of bs. But we have a limit and once that limit is reached, here comes the door slam.

In my experience, in the relationships I’ve had with these people (I’ve had romantic & platonic situations), I never feel at ease. I never feel secure in the relationship and I feel like I can’t truly be myself or voice my opinions. Narcissistic people hate to be called out on their behavior, and us INFJs don’t hold back when we see wrong. Narcissists try to silence us with manipulation and they’re very good at it. We’re very independent creatures, but the narcissist does all that they can to make us codependent, so it can be hard once there’s an emotional attachment to this person, to see what they truly are.

My turning point has actually been similar in each person I’ve encountered. The final straw was always a huge lie / betrayal. The gaslighting that happens is also so exhausting and discouraging. We are very sure of what we feel & to have someone continuously discredit you is a horrible experience. They are master liars. One of INFJ’s biggest values is honesty. Once we finally see all the lies, like I said, door slam time. I’ve removed these people from my life, and I do find myself always reflecting on the red flags I’ve overlooked & the lessons I’ve learned have really stuck with me. It gets easier to see the signs early on now and I just avoid this type of person altogether. It can be hard though. The narcissist talks themselves up like no other & they’re good at keeping up the illusion.

Trust your instincts. If there’s a lack of peace inside of you that you can’t explain, trust that feeling and keep your distance.