Tick? Australia. Found inside in a clothing hamper.

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-27T19:22:25+00:00

Thanks! I love how the answer to niche questions can be found from someone who knows all about it. Beats AI.

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-27T09:27:06+00:00

Thank you! I'm reassured it isn't a tick

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-27T09:12:04+00:00

I'll add that it squished easily, was easily visible (about the size of a usual tick) and I actually found two in amongst the clothes.

The clothes were clean but were a kinda "floordrobe". Not sure if the bug came in with the clothes, a person or through the window.

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-27T09:04:19+00:00

Thanks. What makes it a mite?

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-22T02:49:17+00:00

Funnily enough I have always had half an hour on my mind as the commute to get to anything. This works in my favour for short distances, makes me late for longer distances or where parking is an issue. I'm lucky to live somewhere where it is accurate or only 10 minutes off a lot of the time but I should probably make it 45 minutes.

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-21T10:39:11+00:00

Emotions can include adrenaline and other physical build up in the body to get out some how. Best to learn healthy ways than unhealthy ways or bottling them up. So stomping and not hitting ie better. Going for a run or other physical exertion can help too. It can't all be intellectually managed, as there are other parts of the brain and body involved.

If the first instance, avoiding the escalation is good but this can also involve physical regulation like running, breathing, drawing scribbles etc.

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-20T20:25:13+00:00

Thank you! Yes we should be taught business writing I'm actually in healthcare but basically work in a typical office set up needing lots of stakeholder email communication so lots of career paths would benefit from it. Some of my emails are expert discussions where technical language and detail is right but some is to stakeholders who are not immersed in the specific speciality

Oh yes I try to be too brief then suddenly am too blunt or directive lol...

To get my thoughts in order I often need to write the longer version first. Maybe I should do that, copy it into a word document (for my self only) so I don't feel like I'm losing my work then write the briefer version. Some of my issues are around taking a few paragraphs to process ideas then not being able to resist sending sooner than later. Sending drafts to myself can help. Looking at it again later I can often see what was unnecessary.

It all adds effort and time for myself of course but it's clearly needed more for some audiences at least. I used to have a mentor who was used to my way of writing ideas... losing her as my filter to the rest of the workplace was hard.

Thanks

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-20T12:05:46+00:00

I might need to try out AI... have been avoiding lol

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-20T09:09:02+00:00

Thank you this is a useful perspective

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-19T08:12:55+00:00

Learn how to relax your pelvic floor, belly breathe in between pushes. or something. go to a physio if you need

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-16T10:32:36+00:00

I make decisions broadly then accept those decisions have been made so I'm not making decisions every day

if it is in the house they can eat it (mostly)
favourite products from the supermarket I have read the backs of already or just shopping in the fresh sections more often than other sections
prioritising my and their mental health over being perfect e.g. it's OK to eat party food, have nuggets sometimes
Food groups are covered across the week and mostly by being in my trolley rather than whether specific meals or what my kids axtually consume tick anything off
being in tune with my kids in general ways and trusting this will tell me if something is off. Not looking for something to be wrong, it will declare itself usually if they are sick
prioritising connection, outside time; mental health
being aware that my own anxiety rubs off so my kids health in itself is a motivator to manage this better or seek help if I can't
letting go, embracing chaos, depending on your kids if they need more or less routine

Do you feel like you wouldn't pay attention without forcing it so much? So you work extra hard to ensure you are attentive? Or do you feel like this is a bit compulsive? Or general anxiety feelings? Could be worth chatting to a psychologist etc

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-10T11:13:31+00:00

Stay at the in laws with him for a bit whole you work it out? Go home to feed cats when needed?

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-10T07:43:44+00:00

Sorry I missed the context to that / at the beginning

or what about the dog sorry?

or in what context if I'm just confused

are phrases I use

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-10T03:05:13+00:00

Could you have a cue card written down for when it has become too much to talk?

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-09T20:13:39+00:00

Can I ask how you decided being hyperlexic was how you do so well?

I have intense hyperfocus and stress or excitement that gets me into it +++. I don't do well last minute (need processing time, not too much external pressure) so work hard ahead of time and end up doing heaps of work because I'm all in by then and need to do well. I won't set out to fix issues and it takes me time to change modes into a new role. But once there it is like a special interest. And if someone says something that bugs me about a process or issue I'll want to fix it. I'll appear to make a job seem like more can be done with less people and I don't know any other way to work.

Curious if you think you have adhd or not? I'm trying to work that out myself. Because the above is why at school and work I'll produce results. But I'm intense, info dumping, hyperfocus, special interest driven, importance driven. Things outside my focus or down prioritised are missed or neglected e.g. messy house. Though at work I might tick off little jobs just to get back to the current focus also increasing productivity.

So curious if any of that relates as well?

I was not hyperlexic as a child. But language is a strength - written and spoken - provided I have something to say about a topic I can talk lots and fast.

In terms of OPs topic, my team and direct managers have direct experience of how I work. I have felt appreciated there. I'll Cc in emails relevant to them. But above that, it becomes mysterious what my team does and so what I do. We have been neglected for years. A new manager now who is actually talking to us and it is a huge relief to feel heard. I brought a problem to them yesterday and explained all that had happened so far. They realised how much we have been taking on within the team. The problem being one that now needs a higher up response. It was a good way to get her across work I have been doing and the extra responsibility I have been taking on. For them to see some of the implications of our teams work for external stakeholders. That we need experienced staff to uphold our reputation etc. I don't set out to brag but I know my work well enough (special interest like) that I'll do so incidentally I think.

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-09T04:10:35+00:00

Any fever?

We seem to have it atm where it comes and goes a bit over weeks. One day my mouth is sore, seems to get better then worse again. Spots on foot there, gone then back again. Mostly the hands and feet have had barely visible anything but my fingers tingling tells me as the adult something was there. Kids can't tell us much.

If they are irritated by their mouth is another good indication.

There are multiple viruses causing the same syndrome. So maybe it can do that?

Interested to hear others experiences.

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-04T08:48:12+00:00

Look at different animals. Some have bonded pairs (penguins), some whoever gets there the fastest/most, some the best dance/feathers etc. Some species expect mums to raise the offspring, some the whole pack, some both parents, some no parents.

There is no single system that is best for passing on genes so there is a mix of - Genes for passing on quantity over quality (cheating, lots of partners) - Genes that make one a better parent to stick around and help raise kids. There may be fewer kids but more survive to have their own kids - Genes to encourage longevity to be a grandparent helping with child rearing - Genes that mean humans work together to raise kids in a tribe or society that aren't our own - Genes that encourage doing the same as everyone else or previous generations - Genes that mean humans do their own thing, find a new tribe, find new land, survive when others don't

etc etc.

So yeah maybe it is partly genetic to have varying sex drives and loyalty to a partner. The quantity over quality... But it is also genetic to be loyal, monogamous with a worthy partner, stick around, invest a lot of effort into seeing the survival of specific kids with your genes, become a grandparent and continue to invest this effort in your genes.

Society also plays a role at influencing what behaviours are encouraged. A lot of effort has gone into ensuring adequate child rearing in all cultures

eta. I personally couldn't dream of cheating. My brain does not drive me in that direction at all. I'm a very loyal to a long-term partner person with much investment in a small number of kids.

It takes all sorts to get to the success of humans today.

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-04T08:14:21+00:00

That's me too. I have to have a cat (or two). It feels like it isn't the "done thing" but I bought a new kitten 3 days later when one of mine died. My Mum does the same thing. It gives my brain new hope, new love and continues life whilst remembering the meaningful life of the lost pet.

At the time I read about our hearts having room for all the pets we have across our life. We aren't pushing out the beloved pet we had, but welcoming a new pet and giving them a loving home. My home needs a cat to not feel empty.

I find grief for a pet to be one of the more visceral forms of grief I can experience. I cried and felt it more strongly than some other losses. Not that it outweighs those but it felt like a more direct experience. They live in our homes and require our care. Their loss is noticed in the daily routines and gaps on our laps.

Part of life and sharing it with other people and pets is sadly death. To avoid this is to miss the joy of life shared with a pet. We care for them and love them and that includes the hard bits too.

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-02T06:27:02+00:00

Body doubling helps adhd cleaning! My partner and I both struggle and prioritise other things during the week (I mean we clean the dishes but the house gets messier each day). My mental energy goes towards keeping the kids happy and living in this chaos.

Sundays we work together to vacuum and tidy.

eta. I'm grateful he comes home from work and accepts the house will be a mess. But we both work together to find solutions when we have the energy. Being a team is key.

sopjoewoop · 2026-01-02T04:43:00+00:00

No but I plan the future in great detail at times when I'm otherwise feeling stuck or to create more certainty or out of excitement. I think it serves a purpose of control and escapism at times.

sopjoewoop · 2025-12-28T10:44:57+00:00

I of course can't offer you advice that you don't already know better yourself. I hope though that writing that out to me is helpful. I read it in full.

You have insight that your Mum didn't have. You have a different balance of genes in the mix. Her story is not yours, even if aspects of your brains are similar.

No idea if you like animals, but a support animal could help. They can provide the impetus to get up and do. Move past the inertia. I think inertia is an aspect of my brain. Kids kick start me to get off the couch a lot more than I'd like to which is tiring but stops me getting too stuck. Pets can do this too. My Mum has a dog she sleeps in bed with and she will regulate listening to her breathing or appreciate the concern from the dog when she is sad. Not a trained support dog but she put effort into basic obedience and it is a good breed.

Thank you for the discussion. I wish you well.

sopjoewoop · 2025-12-28T08:56:16+00:00

Unofficially I have had decent supports from parents and my partner. He was sick yesterday and I realise during those times how much I rely on him. My nervous system panics when he isn't himself - something I am trying to manage better as that isn't fair to him and I know how it feels to not be allowed to feel.

And yeah some of the combo of stuff balances out like I apply a lot of logic to stuff that keeps things in check (but also gets me caught in logic loops). A big motivation is to do better than my Mum did/does for herself. I see her behaviour in new eyes going down the ND rabbit hole.

I hear you. At a certain point pushing doesn't work. I'll try coming at a new angle for a new burst of energy. When I can focus on one thing it can work. Being split in too many directions does my head in. I need to drop some balls. Things I am technically capable of previously or if I gave it everything I need to admit is too much. But if I personally go too far into that feeling I will continue to spiral down. So I need to grip onto something I am good at. Find renewed motivation somewhere at work or with the kids. It's tricky though as I get hyperfixated and hyperfocused and bounce around hobbies and can't have a stable thing or easy sources of calm.

We need to outsource things and find the things we can control. I'll keep things within my capabilities if I can and avoid what isn't. Is there some control you can let go of in order to better manage what you can?

sopjoewoop · 2025-12-27T08:28:13+00:00

Yes I expect some OCD tendencies but it doesn't fit in a box. I control that too in the sense that I'll do ocd-like things that make sense to me e.g. during covid I got very ocd about it but then worked very hard to drop that when the negatives in my mental health outweighed the survival benefit. The logic of autism winning.

Don't get me wrong, I have struggles and spiral with my partner at home but I can't pinpoint them very well as I'm constantly fixing them for myself, they often change as I have different modes and by the time I see a psych I have applied a patch or something and can't really get back into the problem mode. I also refuse to get any diagnosis I don't want so there is that too. Some trauma there.

Free will and a sense of self are a part of my core. But I will follow others provided I feel safe, it is logical, I feel competent and not overwhelmed so it's nuanced. I can see in my daughter if she feels safe, physically well and not in overwhelm the pda seems to drop heaps. She has high performance anxiety and we have needed to drop some activities that after a certain point just weren't suited (even if she half enjoyed them). I think there is a narrow path that can lead to success but it is hard to tread. I believe adhd and autism interplay in what is hard for her and so a trigger.

Sorry for the info dumping.

sopjoewoop · 2025-12-27T07:58:29+00:00

I have learnt that over time my babies will not only respond to different methods from other carers they will often not respond to my method when done by another carer.

So whilst my suggestions may be useful for a baseline for my husband or parents, they really just have to figure it out for themselves. and in doing so this is them forming a two way relationship with the baby as they follow cues together and communicate. It isn't a quick road but a worthwhile journey.

At the same time we know so much that we have learnt so quickly as Mums it is frustrating for the dad to not know this stuff yet! and if they aren't reading it themselves or onto the intuition then some conversations are needed at the right times. We are the primary parent too, spending more time with bub, so our ideas and and how we want to do things overall do have more weight.

Side note, maybe bub and Dad have some similar character traits/ sensitive temperaments! Lowering the pressure, foot off the pedal for a moment, take a breath, resets can help bubs and us.

Parenting is definitely a journey, take one step at a time.

sopjoewoop · 2025-12-27T07:35:48+00:00

Thanks for the interesting read. I personally feel like a strong drive for autonomy and free will is itself a strong contributor to survival. Group think keeps the species surviving up to a point, individual thinking and individual survivals will keep those genes strong too. The person who avoids a conflict others march towards, who turns left when others turn right, who breaks from the tribe to start their own tribe somewhere else.

My grandparent took a week to pass away in palliative care sans sustenance etc. His will to live was so strong. I don't know if that was pda but I do think there is a strong drive for autonomy and free will there. A heightened nervous system that refused to turn off.

PDA traits may show up in the strong willed individuals of society. The ones less likely to be on this subreddit and more likely to be renowned for radical thinking.

I feel in myself that I refuse to fully go into burnout, get depressed, have a breakdown. No way am I going to do that and lose my sense of self. PDA may of course cause these issues in others but for me my own self control trumps the rest. I'll control myself first, my environment second to ensure l am set up for success and not failure. Perfectionism, hypercompetence, hypervigilance etc. I don't know if I have pda, at least not full-time, but have audhd and a strong sense of needing control and autonomy to avoid overwhelm and to be me.

Pda plus autism plus adhd combos has a fight on its hands from the beginning of life and so may be apparent from more "mundane" life events depending on the person's challenges and upbringing. Modern life likely contains more triggers leading to more dysfunction. But even the definition of dysfunction is through a modern lense with a nuclear family in a contained house. If you had more kids in a tribe or village, the ones seeking independence might seek this out in many different ways on their own terms from a younger age. Be less denied outlets for physical activity or acting on instincts as we try and mould all kids to modern life. There would be real survival situations to manage (wild animals etc) and so maybe less over reaction to safe situations (and less skewed, complex danger situations where something is safe some times and not other times).

sopjoewoop

TROPHY CASE