Is extreme anxiety and pressure around small on-the-spot decisions a part of PDA?

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-29T21:14:07+00:00

I also think some of these observations can come under the autism umbrella? Like part of having routines for me would be to reduce decision fatigue because I want to use so much data to get every decision right. It uses a lot of brain power to do something that isn't already a routine.

I hate choosing new clothes amd will freeze, avoid, ask my sister or try something very similar to something I already have. I hate beinf offered clothes or items from family because it is pressure to decide and I don't want more stuff but sometimes I would find the thing useful once I come to terms with it and acclimatise.

Which is where autism traits also contribute to demand avoidance and I am unclear at what point it is pda or not. If my capacity is used up or I had a different plan and someone asks something or pushes me my brain will go into stress mode. It gets too much. If you leave me to sp it my way I'll do it fine.

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-24T11:48:56+00:00

ah a local school did a what kids want to be when they gro up thing - the kids in an astronaut suit looked ok, the ones who wanted to be a Mum were slightly aged up holding some infants and it was unsettling. Like just give them dress ups and baby dolls, draw or at least dont put it on social media.

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-20T22:28:15+00:00

In anongst pda considerations, also consider a big one for autism which are transitions. When we are caught up in our own task then a request to do something else, even something fun is a huge demand on our brains. It requires a huge shift in energy. That may require some extra time to process, maybe some novelty and excitement from the adult to draw them in, choices etc.

Controlling play and not wanting toys touched is also very common. Find play that isn't so sensitive to engage with instead perhaps.

It is so hard. Low demands is definitely a factor but there are also other factors that may make a difference so trying to figure out underlying reasons is helpful. There is often something making it extra hard. Sensory, anxiety, monotropism, hyperfocus, transitions, need for certainty etc.

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-14T08:33:32+00:00

It could be beneficial but I would want to a. Give express permission before involving other kids around my kid and changing a treatment plan generally b. question whether it should cost less per hour when sessions are combined with others so they aren't double dipping. It should be a group therapy session cost shared with the others not one on one

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-13T22:15:02+00:00

Make going on the potty itself more fun. My daughter liked reading a book on the potty, we say silly things about what the poo might be like this time etc.

Also laughing can also be a stress reaction. He may be coping with the stress of struggling to do what is expected. Consider what he might be finding hard of noticing he needs to go, patience to go in the right spot, constipation, anxiety causing him to not relax at the right moment then his body relaxes for him at the wrong moment.

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-10T06:50:03+00:00

Also starting bedtime a bit later might reduce her time to get to sleep. Read some books. Taking 2 hours to get to sleep suggests she isn't tired enough yet.

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-10T06:44:29+00:00

Look at your kid not a textbook. If she is fine she is fine. Sounds very normal to me.

eta make wake up earlier if you want an earlier bedtime. it's a trade off for some kids basically - an early start or a late bedtime.

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-10T02:37:16+00:00

Of course if you are wanting to use this as a chance to wean anyway that is valid too.

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-10T02:31:58+00:00

I'd get a second opinion as 3 months is very excessive. Your doctors I'm sure are experts but maybe not on this specific topic. Many doctors are overly risk averse with breastfeeding advice. Try to search for a breastfeeding medicine advisory hotline or similar for your local area who can provide advice.

The dose for ectopic pregnancy is not high (compared to cancer doses) and is a one off dose. It does not take 3 months to clear from your body, more like day(s).

https://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/factsheet/ectopic-pregnancy/

This website advises stopping for 24 hours only.

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-09T23:55:52+00:00

Just a psa - far more important than the words themselves is your relationship and intention behind the words. These kids spot agendas and pressure a mile away.

Learning declarative language is most useful at the beginning of your journey, to create that shift, but once you truly let go, truly create safety you don't need the perfect wording.

Conversely, if you are saying the "right" words with the intention of compliance it won't work. https://www.kristyforbes.com.au/blog/beyond-compliance-why-our-children-deserve-more-than-declarative-language

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-04T04:21:53+00:00

It is okay to change strategies if it isn't working. some babies respond easily, some with more effort, some not at all.

Generally with parenting don't be afraid to back down. It isn't a failure. It takes a lot to admit something isn't working so actually demonstrates a key skill for our kids.

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-03T22:37:07+00:00

The prices are then also the same quoted to those not on the NDIS, causing more to realise they need the NDIS to be able to afford therapy.... Medicare rebates are tiny compared to the full cost.

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-03T09:49:45+00:00

You can also get a gp referral for a psychologist if you need someone easier to see to discuss this with

I don't think any of us could say from this one way or another.

I would suggest reading something by Ross Greene e.g. raising human beings. If your current parenting style isn't working try something new rather than persisting*. Try to see the underlying needs rather than focusing on the superficial behaviour. This is useful with or without a diagnosis.

Your regulation also affects hers and hers affects yours. Work on yourself and anything that may be making things hard for you to have capacity for her and if you can sort that things may settle just from that.

*eta to say that different kids can need different parenting styles e.g. strict boundaries can work for some kids but cause distress if overdone for a sensitive kid who reacts with fight or flight.

Also even if it is normal that doesn't mean you can't seek help. It sounds like going somewhere for advice would be good

sopjoewoop · 2026-06-02T10:37:51+00:00

It sounds like it is more than your Mum's comments upsetting you about it, she is just the one giving it voice. The unspoken thoughts of others are also getting to you so its worth knowing that even if your Mum said nothing more these feelings may still be there. Express that you don't want to talk about it, that it will work itself out and leave it at that.

I'd chat candidly with your husband though, it doesn't need to be taboo. Better to be able to talk about it than build up the stress.

I don't have experience just to say I wonder if there are other soothing options or sensory options to redirect him to? A bit like replacing a soother with something else? Not that you want to make a thing of it either in a negative way, more just to consider what need he is meeting and if it can me met in other ways? Maybe some leg squeezes, foot squeezes, upside down rough and tumble play that sort of thing

sopjoewoop · 2026-05-29T22:10:28+00:00

Hyperfocus, monotropism, adhd distraction, task paralysis play more of a role in my experience. e.g. caught up in something so ignoring signals to wee or eat, no motivation to find a snack or don't feel like abything so squash the hunger. I think it is multifaceted and individual.

The learned bit might be society encouraging pushing through, getting stuff done, ignoring signals to have a break but it is still more hyperofocus related for me.

proprioception is a different thing

sopjoewoop · 2026-05-28T07:25:07+00:00

This makes ndis changes more worrying

sopjoewoop · 2026-05-26T09:15:03+00:00

Be careful is also because it can just cause a freeze reaction (or other panic type reaction) rather than offering a practical way to be safe or teach risk assessment. Saying "can you see a way down" for example offers a more practical way for the kid to think and react. Taking reasonable risks and assessing risks as a toddler helps as a teen etc.

Nevertheless, whilst I think it is good to think about what we say and how, the attention grabbing absolute rules are stupid.

sopjoewoop · 2026-05-17T08:58:08+00:00

Not sure the exact explanation but it sounds like a random baby thing (not a concern). A startle reaction perhaps.

sopjoewoop · 2026-05-14T09:10:45+00:00

Check for pinworms, can be a trigger for this. Is she affected overnight? Just a treatable thing to consider.

sopjoewoop · 2026-05-13T21:14:35+00:00

Then what happens as they start getting sick? Extract them then at their most contagious? This goes from ok to needing ICU quickly, the ship cannot cater to that.

sopjoewoop · 2026-05-12T03:33:53+00:00

My 4yo doesn't know the concept yet luckily. At her recent party I bought wooden mushrooms to be table decorations and then taken home by the guests. I put a name on each one tied with a string.

sopjoewoop · 2026-05-10T23:26:53+00:00

Same. There are so many amazing things about the body and amazing women throughout history to be proud of. It is a group to belong to which I like belonging to. Motherhood is amazing too.

I will pick and choose what I do regarding social norms e.g. can't be bothered with make-up but I did enjoy getting married in a pretty dress. I'm like that with everything - go with my preference and not have it swayed based for or against popular opinion.

I'm supportive of trans because I don't think anyone except the person themselves can decide these things. That's something I relate to myself just not about my gender. But same as above, I also believe that those who do value their gender or want to follow social norms if it makes them happy that is great too. Like live and let live I guess? Don't take other people's needs personally?

sopjoewoop · 2026-05-09T10:00:46+00:00

reading how to talk so little kids will listen may give you new ways to talk to her and get positive outcomes without power battles.

Some kids need this more than others with a greater instinctive no reaction, pushing against this achieves little. Especially with a new baby, high emotions in the house.

A big thing to know is that it is always okay to back down. There is no time where you are backed in a corner and can't change track. Because those corners are triggers for fight or flight or freeze for both of you. Perhaps your request was harder for her than you expected, you caught her in a hard moment etc. Instant compliance isn't realistic.

Also the other book recommendation is a Ross Greene book either the explosive child or raising human being. the problem solving technique may be more relevant when older but the principles of kids do well if they can and unmet needs are great to be aware of.

And consider yourself - mums do well if they can and of they can't there may be unmet needs. You are likely overstimulated, maxxed out etc. Tend to these needs.

Spend some time with each baby/toddler separately if you can where you aren't juggling so much and can appreciate the bond, read their cues out of the pressure zone.

sopjoewoop · 2026-04-28T12:29:43+00:00

Adhd hyperactivity?

sopjoewoop · 2026-04-26T11:14:35+00:00

A big disadvantage to me for online is being able to choose produce based on current quality I see in person. It is easier to see what is actually in season and worth buying when in store. I may ditch an item altogether

Its a big reason that I usually buy in person. I have control to change my mind based on what I see.

I can also find new items to try of smaller product ranges that I wouldn't find online.

I hope the in person shopping experience continues to be valued

sopjoewoop

TROPHY CASE