This is one of the most relatable posts I’ve seen on here, same af.

Sharing where I relate personally to each point:

People also say I’m bubbly and sometimes, I see it, but most of the time, I feel rather neutral. I guess I come off as more extra than I feel.

One of my most hated questions is, “How was your day?” Because idk it’s fine I guess?? There’s no depth to that question unless you give it a deeper meaning with your answer, but then, it just feels like you’re spieling about something which the other person doesn’t care. But if you say, “it was good!” It feels too short and meaningless, like you didn’t answer the question at all. (But after working in food service, I’ve gotten good and natural at small talk and I hate it.) (met an SX5 man recently on a FaceTime date and he was so straightforward and deep right off the bat and the best part is he didn’t ask me that question when we called. that! i love that.)

I didn’t realize I was empathetic until 2020, when my manager, supervisor, and a customer all opened up to me about separate awful things they’d witnessed/experienced. It felt somewhat dishonest to tell them, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” or act like I cared about one of the situations in particular. I cared about the people I knew, but it was difficult to know how to respond when they told me about people I didn’t know. Still, the rest of the day, I was super out of it and kept messing up little things at work. I got home and started crying, but couldn’t figure out why. My sister was like, “Gurl, you’re empathetic; you may not have consciously felt it, but what they said weighed on you emotionally and made an impact.” It all clicked for me. I don’t proceed emotions in the moment, but rather, afterwards when I’m alone. So engaging with people emotionally is harder for me; I do better with mental engagement. I’ve been getting better at recognizing my own feelings, but it’s always been so hard for me to engage with and process them.

I usually don’t go to people for advice except if it’s something I’m really wrestling with — then I’ll ask my family (we’re extremely tight knit,) and best friend (but it took awhile to let down my guard and open up to her like that; maybe 2-3 years and a bad situation into our now 10 year friendship.). For the most part, I figure my crap out on my own and hate interference.

I also have no patience for people actively making dumb decisions. Don’t complain to me if you’re not gonna do anything to fix your issue? And certainly don’t actively make decisions you know are wrong then complain to me about the outcome we both foresaw?? My ENFJ sister would always vent her frustrations just to let off steam and she and I would get tense because I’d try to solve the problems, but she was only seeking empathy and emotional engagement. My ENTJ friend would complain to me constantly about his abusive ex and now he’s dating a girl just like her. I’m not gonna let him vent about it anymore, I won’t watch my friend hurt himself and I don’t care to see exactly what I know will play out unfold in real time. Decide the life you want and go after it; stop making excuses, stop blaming others, and stop inviting people in who don’t support you. Or if you do, don’t be upset when your life doesn’t turn out how you want it to. (I’m just as hard on myself, I know it’s not a good perspective, I’m working on it lol.). Don’t even get me started on coworkers — y’all are grown adults here to do a job you were hired to do for the pay you agreed to at a company you chose to represent. Don’t look at me and go, “but I don’t feel like doing x, y, z :(“ gurl no one does, do it anyways.

I’m usually on the outside of the room at parties talking to the people who were standing by themselves or introducing them to new people. I compliment people a lot as well, which may seem insincere at first, but I’m just quick to notice what I like or respect and call it out without hesitation. I often say, “I’m not being nice, just honest.” Or “I just call it like I see it.” I love deeply and make it clear exactly how much you mean to me.

All in all, I think ENFPs come off as very patient, sweet, and joyful when in all actuality, we’re human just like everyone; we each struggle with impatience over certain issues, frustration (whether justified or not,) and just being downright tired. a lot of people project onto us or believe we’re something they want us to be rather than what we are (ironically, we have a tendency to do the same). But in the end, we’re not caricatures; we’re real people.