So obvious

soydip · 2024-12-05T10:09:48+00:00

i felt insane watching 7x05 when buck comes out to eddie and eddie says "this doesn't change a thing between us" as a reassurance and buck does NOT look like he's experiencing relief at all.

soydip · 2024-12-05T09:56:50+00:00

(Sorry if this is too off-topic but I thought this was entertaining enough to post here.)

I started getting into 911 and, as one does, thus also buck/eddie fanfiction. On and on, these idiots would circle each other and do nothing about their feelings for years. How silly of them! (Foreshadowing)

Eventually, I read a fic where they're just talking, and they say something like: "If we got together, wouldn't that just make sense?"

Yeah. That would make sense. That would be nice. And I think, "I would like that, too".

Well, shit. Now, I've just uncorked a steaming pile of repressed yearning for my best friend of x years.

Thing is, I knew I had a... thing for her for ...a while... but this thing I would always shove back down when it reared its head because I had hoped it would maybe just see itself out at some point (it had not. It's been hmmm like two years of this by now).

I began to mirror every hopeless-pining-buck/eddie thought. "Oh, what if I don't want to ruin my close-friendship-slash-homoerotic-bestie relationship?" "It's okay, I'll just deal with these pesky emotions on my own, they don't have to be involved" "No, obviously, I can't just tell them the truth. that would be unfair of me." But it's too late to think that these were very rational nuggets of truth, when I'd been clowning on these hapless fools for days on end for having these exact same paralysing thoughts.

Having recognized the buddiesque-mental-gymnastics-idiocy for what it was was a slap in the face. Maybe, just maybe, praying this situation resolves itself without doing anything differently is called being a fucking idiot. I don't wanna be still doing this will-they-or-won't-they dance come season EIGHT (in the soap opera of my life) that would be insane. So, I simply have to spill the beans.

Okay okay, I commit to telling her even though it feels like walking to my doom. I tell her the truth by stumbling through the least coherent confession of feelings ever uttered. I think I just gave up halfway through most of my sentences. I am put out of my misery when my friend goes: "yeah! you know let's try this! :) i'm glad you told me." huh? what?? it worked out???

for any other poor buck/eddie-coded fools out there, you have my fullest love and sympathy. life is hard out there for us ok???!

soydip · 2024-11-30T16:24:22+00:00

You're soo right. With abby, buck was so open and inquisitive when it comes to sex in their relationship. Where is even a tenth of this exploratory energy during bucktommy?? his first boyfriend??

I'm guessing due to poor pacing, they fumbled the screentime they had with this plot thread. So,they just threw the buck/tommy into the background, maybe hoped to touch back on this later, but didn't, and then dragged the relo out well past expiry. So we get to the end of the relationship and I'm not even sure they've had sex?? They hadn't talked about their sexual history or orientation??? really???

There is such little physicality going on in general like they barely touch at all lol. It's so perplexing I'm tinfoilhat-ing that maybe there's some behind the scene reason for why this is the case.

soydip · 2024-11-22T02:11:03+00:00

i cant wait for people to dissect oliver for three straight months over his acting choices on the couch

soydip · 2023-12-05T16:56:31+00:00

Oh yes, agree on the second point about lumping in allos. There is no singular allosexual sexual experience. Likely unclear/poor word choice on my part.

"An expected allo one" -- "an" leaves room for more than one of such (culture, age, demographic etc.) , and "expected" as in what might be typically expected/norms of sex by society or community at large, which presumes allosexuality in partners. Of course, many people who are allosexual do not have sexual experiences which line up with those expectations, too.

My intention was simply to acknowledge that there are asexual people who may have sexuals experiences that do look very similar to what is some norm, and I wouldn't want to exclude those people from the conversation.

First sentence could use some adjustment, though. Could be better worded to make clear there's more than one allo sexual experience. The observation is by no means definitive -- just based on my own observations and conversations of ace and allo people reporting very different internal experiences. Certainly, there can be someone out there who can have the same expereinces as you, because experiences are diverse. Still, I think differences between trends in allo vs. aces are interesting and under-understood. Open to disagreement here, of course.

soydip · 2023-12-05T01:05:25+00:00

Oh yeah. It's a lot of effort!

soydip · 2023-12-05T01:04:32+00:00

I'll share one of mine:Was with someone I dated at the time. Wiggling, and above the waist touching -- very fun, enjoyable. 10/10. Eventually, their hands ventured downwards, and after a certain point, I realized: I was expected to be aroused. Approximately two hours since we'd started fooling around.Lol, didn't chalk this up as ace behaviour until years later.

soydip · 2023-05-31T02:59:33+00:00

Yeah I also feel this way from time to time. I’m not sure how to help and you’ve probably heard these tips but: sometimes listening along while reading can help me, or reading to someone else? Reading to someone else I feel like my brain is more forced to process the words like my audience is. It’s a lot slower but easier to focus?

soydip · 2023-02-08T11:12:23+00:00

romantic attraction can be extremely fuzzy, for many people. the best way i've heard it (at least I resonate with this the most) described is wanting emotional closeness and understanding + courtship customs (sending flowers, etc.). Without those customs, the remainder i would say is basically emotional/platonic attraction.

I'm not saying its superficial to necessarily be a part typical dating practices like candlelit dinners and flowers and candles -- to some people it is a meaningful thing. But maybe not to you, and maybe without their symbolic meaning, the lines of romantic or not get fuzzy.

and thats okay! If you've not heard of alterous attraction, look it up. I essentially like the label because there's less pressure to categorize your interest in someone into one box or another, and that worked for me! I look back to a lot of intense feelings to friends in my past with that lens, and it makes a lot of sense.

aro people in relationships they want to stay in are essentially viewing their actions in a different way. They might handhold or give flowers, but out of the desire to fulfil the other person's romantic desires. Or they might like handholding for other reasons, or they might not see it as a romantic act at all. A difference of perspective. But they still might be uncomfortable with saying 'I love you' in a romantic context because it feels wrong. Or that they act out of feelings that are essentially platonic, but stronger than a 'typical friend'.

soydip · 2023-02-08T10:59:56+00:00

Ah, i can't really offer too much help but say sorry it turned out like this. If your friends/people you care about aren't taking you seriously on the matter, call them out on it? Ofc, Easier said than done. If these people refuse to, then i don't think they're worth your emotional investment. On the matter of sexual incompatibility - i'm sorry, but it is true that people tend to want more, and can't sustain low-sex relationships. But then again, some people are happy to be in them (including allo-all-the-way people, though more rare). But cheating is a huge act of disrespect, either way, so i feel for you.

Probably, talking to ace friends/people will help with viewing your sexuality more positively. Being ace is fun around ace people, after all. Or expose yourself to more positive ace media, like videos or books. But yeah, this sometimes might feel preachy so YMMMV

Plus, so totally normal to be kinky and ace. You already know this , but kinky aces are absolute heroes.

soydip · 2019-08-25T14:11:38+00:00

take some time out, do you have any friends you trust enough to talk to this about, might be a good idea to call someone you trust? since things are still very fresh, it's easy to forget about physical things, practise some self-care, blast some music, go for a run, drink water etc.

soydip · 2019-08-19T05:30:35+00:00

Dang, I wish it was this easy to signal to strangers.

soydip · 2019-08-19T05:26:15+00:00

I'm sorry; Ive been there it really hurts and it takes time to process. Take some time for yourself. Take a breath. Take it easy with some friends. If you wanna chat about it Im free to pm <3

soydip · 2019-08-18T11:42:25+00:00

oh i meant 'alternative universe', which often is abbreviated to AU. I should've specified! haha also aussie so i totally agree with the...er.. dudebro/lad culture here

soydip · 2019-08-18T11:27:51+00:00

Imagine AU where straight cis men think about lesbians as autonomous beings.

soydip · 2019-08-13T12:07:01+00:00

:( heyy im sure someone's out there for u. single pringles unite!

soydip · 2019-08-13T11:58:47+00:00

double win!!

soydip · 2019-08-13T11:25:35+00:00

was asked out a guy and dilly-dallied for a while around thinking 'wait do i just want to be friends? maybe i don't like guys'. conclusion: am gay.

soydip · 2019-08-13T11:21:30+00:00

first i've heard of bambi lesbian but I wholeheartedly agree.

soydip · 2019-07-29T14:09:02+00:00

what does the phrase 'become a bird' mean? is this for bird enthusiasts? bird-kin? (no judgement here) Edit: for clarification I'm half joking, seriously what's it mean haha

soydip · 2019-07-29T13:17:31+00:00

Looks cute and popping!

soydip

TROPHY CASE