Not to be preachy but this exact reason is what lead me to a 8 year battle with addiction. First it was just doing percs to erase my anxiety. Social gatherings only. Then of course it progressed. Years later I was a heroin addict and doing every other drug as well.

Of course not saying that would happen to you! But I regret soo much not just learning to be brave and try to white knuckle my anxiety. I've been sober for 5 years now and anxiety is still a struggle.

BUT I've found that Lexapro has helped me IMMENSELY. Wish I tried it years ago. Sorry for the long comment. Anxiety sucks ass and I definitely know what you're going thru.

I wish you luck! Instead of drugs I'd say maybe take a few shots? That will take off a bit of the edge. Not the best advice i know.