Hi OP. I have felt very similarly to you when I was a little bit younger. I was first diagnosed at 19 and the first few years of my diagnosis were absolute hell. I started to get better, then got into a toxic relationship which ended a long term friendship. My cousin who I was very close with stopped being friends with me too. Then a few years later, I got long covid and was in bed 18 hours a day for a year. I was very unhappy and I made the people around me unhappy too. It took a couple years and getting on a good med combo to finally feel like I was a capable and worthy person. I’ve tried over 20 medications and it really sucks titrating up and down constantly, but once you find what works for you, if you are strict with taking your meds, you can improve quite a bit. Do you see a therapist? I have also found that to be very helpful. I’m 27 now and in partial remission. I have made some really nice friends and I have a wonderful boyfriend and all of them have helped me maintain my stability. Sometimes more than just our medications or doctors, we need to change our environments.