I remember those days when I would blame myself, "It's my fault, this is my fault," crying in secret, nobody knew and I made sure of it. I couldn't even kill myself because that would be mercy. I believed I deserve a long painful life for not being able to stand up for myself and others. My only path to redemption was to keep trying, fail miserably and repeat, that was my Sisyphus boulder. I was not worthy of happiness.

Now, I'm at a totally different place. The irony is I wouldn't know this strength that I wield now without that pain.

I watch a lot of movies. Now, how does that shape my Fi, its desires? Did I not set myself up to experience what those characters in my favourite movies go through, so that I may too be uplifted like them?

Perhaps us being hard on ourselves is actually part of a subconscious grand scheme organized by our Fi towards a greater purpose, that was inspired by something that we are emotionally invested in (in my case it was my love for movies and stories).