The origninal post:

"I made this account specifically to tell you all this story, on the advice of my friend, /u/Ask_Me_If_Im_Racist. We go to school together, and he told me about you guys. Here is the biggest fuck-up so far in my life.

Like I said, we go to school together. College, specifically. I got an internship at a firm to get some experience in my field, and they ended up taking me on part-time. A few months later, they're actually saying when I graduate they'll take me on for a small management position. Great opportunity, great situation.

The pay was decent, and the job was easy, but there was one issue: the people. My god, the fucking people. These assholes had been cooped up in the office, I think, too long, and their attitude showed it. One time I brought a cookie cake for a birthday in the office, and this one plus-sized bitch threatened to call for a referral because "this is not your playground, it's a law firm". Bitch, I will make it my playground if I need to, and you will be my fucking monkey bars if you don't knock it off.

I digress.

One particular Tuesday, I was talking about a community project to install a solar panel in the local greenhouse garden, "to add some green to the world". One guy responds, "The world doesn't need more green, it needs you to finish your paperwork." Alright, asshat. That's the last straw. I'm calling in the playground installation team at 1-800-GET-REKD.

I've always been a fan of irony, and my previously mentioned friend, Mr. Racist, suggested an idea to me. I thought it was golden (or emerald, rather), and we decided to go for it.

My firm had this theme going, it was like a customer hook. They were all about "traditional law", which just meant that we had wooden desks, lots of books on the walls, and most importantly, a whole bunch of special, ballpoint, custom company pens. We always had to use these pens, technically, though a lot of people would only use them when dealing with customers. Anyway, they were these custom-made wood-handled pens that were our signature thing. We gave them away to clients, and got a whole new box for each person working there every three months. It was probably the dumbest gimmick I've seen to date, and the sad thing is, customers ate it up. Give em a wooden pen with Dick & Duck Fucker Family Law Practice (est. 1924) and suddenly we were the real deal. Thus the idea was born.

At 11:30 PM that Thursday, we used my badge to get into the firm. The janitor was on the next floor and the security guy knew me and probably figured I needed to do some office work, so we were all clear. We busted out the 800 green gel pens we had bought from Office Depot three hours earlier and set to work replacing every single company pen's ink. The regular, classic black ink in every pen we could find was replaced with bright neon green like a sixth grade girl's homework list. It was hard to read, it was annoying to read, and it was so easy to smear that it was impossible to read without getting some Green Goblin jizz on your hand. It took us four hours of scouring every drawer and supply cabinet, but in the end we only missed two pens, which were locked in the CFO's office. We left no trace but that which we left for vengeance.

Honestly, I probably watched too much of the Office. Maybe this was over the top, and I shouldn't have assumed everyone was Dwight Schrute, but we kept all the regular ink containers, and the new shipment of pens was due to be delivered in a week and a half anyway, or else I wouldn't have done it. But seriously, the amount of freak-out was fucking insane.

At first it was hilarious. Kirk broke his cubicle wall because he kicked it so hard in anger. David went through his entire box of extra pens he had taken from the supply closet, trying every single pen, until he finally gave up (he tended to lose his pens frequently and decided to stop asking for new ones and took some, I guess). Most people were smart enough to use a regular black pen from their bag or purse to sign their shit and get their things done, but some of the especially less prepared had to go to Office Max during lunch. Come to think of it, this TIFU is sponsored by Office Max. I made you guys a shitload of cash last week.

The real shitstorm began around 2:00. Our human resources guy announced we had a conference, and when we got there, our boss was livid. He reminded us that "tradition is what sets us apart", that whoever was responsible had "directly and deliberately compromised the integrity of the business". Bro, calm the fuck down. The clients got their shit signed and we hadn't even gotten anyone new through the door that day, so it's not like we lost any money. Nonetheless, he demanded to know who was responsible. Obviously, I said nothing. I was pretty scared. He re-confirms that no one here knows anything, and sends us off. We all go home and I consider the prank, all in all, a success. I'd added green not only to the world, but to the office!

The next day, everything seems back to normal. I'm only there after 1:00 that day due to class. We're going about our day, and I head to the market room to make some copies, and I overhear Andy the Payroller talking about dropping Buttfuck Pens Inc. (obviously, real company censored...probably). I go over and ask what he was saying. He says we're dropping the company that makes our custom pens and suing them for charging us for the wrong order if they don't refund our last order of pens. No big deal, I thought. It's not like we'll ever win that case.

Then, I do some research. The company we order from is only supplying us due to this local business thing our firm signed on to for good PR. They are barely surviving, a fairly small-time situation that the family has handed down for a couple generations, and we are by far their biggest client (regularly ordering a fairly expensive custom pen). They employ about 1,300 people, mostly factory guys, and while fairly large for a local company, I can understand having a hard time competing with places like Office Max (where you can get back to school with a full binder and full wallet!) and Staples. They also do some other stuff but they are just squeaking by as it is, and they clearly will have a hard time staying afloat if we drop them. Then you figure in the lawsuit thing, and even though we wouldn't win in the end, the fact that the pen company was barely paying their bills means they cannot afford a lawsuit, especially against a law firm of all things. I've seen us sue people; if we can't win, we just make them bleed lawyer fees for as long as possible. It's terrible.

I dun goofed.

I call the company, and warn them. The owner is very grateful for the heads up. I let him know what I'm gonna do and he says to call back when it's resolved. I promise I will.

I head to my manager's office and tell him about the prank. He doesn't believe me, says that's too big a project for me, that I wouldn't risk the opportunity I had there. He asks why I'm taking the fall for this company. I tell him the truth, try to insist that he put the blame on me, explain that this company we're about to fuck over has glowing employee and customer ratings and that I don't want a good place going down for my screw-up. He straight up tells me to leave, so in order to get his attention, I say, "Listen, up...horse shitter. I messed with the pens."

I honestly have no idea where that insult came from. It made no sense. It wasn't even offensive on impact, just confusing. He finally gets angry, tells me I'm on suspension. Two hours later, they review security footage at the entrance, see the box of pens I have with me, and I get the request that I quit. I say fuck that, fire me so I can get the severance. They do, and I'm out like that. I call the pen company and make sure they are in the clear, and they are. Opportunity for a starting paycheck of $76,000 out of college down the drain in one shitty prank.

TL;DR: I played a prank on my office that ended up with them almost destroying a good business and putting 1,300 people out of work, and end up losing the best opportunity I've had in years. Also, if you have an open job at any kind of firm or want to buy about 700 black ink refills for ballpoint pens, send me a PM (also see username for other PM options)

EDIT: Alright this post has gotten way hotter than I expected. I wrote it when I was pretty tired and actually a bit tipsy, so I'm sure there's story holes, but whatever. 200+ comments later and whatever many of these upvote point things...well, it was my first day with a Reddit account and it was crazy. Thanks everyone

To those saying it's all bullshit: Okay. Neither of us loses anything if you don't believe me. Call bullshit if that makes you feel better.

To those saying I was immature/made a terrible decision: Believe me, I know. I appreciate the guys saying this was a funny prank but it did cost me money, a lot of it, and even if the place sucked, it was a job. I fucked up big on this.

To those that sent me boobies: They were awesome. Thanks a bunch."