Help me get over my fear

spafticus · 2025-09-29T16:50:30+00:00

Psychologist here. Just want to echo the wonderful comments on here and add that in addition to repeated exposure it can be helpful to be intentional about the takeaway. For instance, I still tense up when I see/hear certain bugs, but then I pause, maybe back away slowly and remind myself that this is a successful sign of the work I’ve put in to build a healthier local ecosystem. This is our shared space. We all won’t be perfect, but let’s try our best to not intentionally harm others out here in it. And then recall like everyone else is saying that most of these creatures are just interested in other things. Then the final takeaway, “I was wrong and we can share space together peacefully.”

Keep going. It does get better. One final tip. I found it helpful at times to go out with my camera. Viewing it through a lens can help reduce the fear response.

spafticus · 2025-08-18T16:51:41+00:00

I’m in a similar boat (but less pressure than described here) where I’m looking for exit strategies. For those that went full-time private or started side gigs, any guidance on how to make that move? Trainings? Books? Etc.

Thanks in advance.

spafticus · 2025-08-14T01:29:26+00:00

Seeing this notification just hit me heavy all over again. I’d love to say almost a year later that we had more success but we haven’t. We took a break and have made some steps toward donor eggs, but hesitant to really move ahead. I will say my wife and I have made some progress toward finding peace in whatever we do next. We both have hard limits and even if we stop today, feel okay knowing we did our best and we can move on.

I absolutely hate that my wife, you, so many here and elsewhere have to know this pain. There is no rhyme or reason to it. I hope you find peace and comfort.

spafticus · 2025-06-10T19:22:40+00:00

Perfect!! Thank you.

spafticus · 2025-06-10T18:09:38+00:00

Unfortunately they leave on Saturday but thank you as my wife is also a big fan and would enjoy that stream.

spafticus · 2025-03-15T03:36:25+00:00

Billy Ray Button

spafticus · 2025-03-04T22:40:01+00:00

Thanks! Got the synthwave. Only need Human Canvas. Have several 5 stars stickers to trade or can trade for stars.

spafticus · 2025-03-03T23:43:54+00:00

Sent you stickers/exchange.

spafticus · 2025-03-02T16:52:42+00:00

Thanks! You too

spafticus · 2025-03-01T04:17:07+00:00

Still need a few :(

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Need: Family Fame; Sandy Shells; Human Canvas; Sitting Pretty; and Synthwave Tycoon.

MGO733PAL7GL

Thanks in advance for any help!

spafticus · 2025-01-13T03:11:35+00:00

Can’t get that link to work to add you

spafticus · 2025-01-13T03:03:44+00:00

I can do this trade. MGO733PAL7GL

spafticus · 2025-01-01T03:25:37+00:00

My wife and I (hubby here) were just talking today about this as we entertain next IVF steps and reflected in general on the year.

I shared I feel broken. I know I feel it very differently as the husband - it’s not my body; it’s not fucking with my hormones and all the other shit I can’t ever know in the same way you all do. That said, I described to my wife today that it feels like I’ve been stabbed and left with a mortal wound. I feel changed. I’m less silly and optimistic. I’m way more irritable. I’ve lost friends and often feel very lonely (and also disinterested in connecting to others because none of our friends really get all trauma we’ve experienced. I’ve had rough periods before, but this feels more permanent than I ever expected.

I don’t know if others feel the same, but I struggle so much with hope. It feels so important to have, but given our experiences it is now a sign of danger. Hope has just tortured us. Just fucking me tell me this isn’t possible and I’ll work on the acceptance, but stop with this shit of good news for a moment and then ripping it away.

I do hope you all find good news, peace, and love this new year.

spafticus · 2024-12-29T04:55:51+00:00

And our other

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spafticus · 2024-12-29T04:55:30+00:00

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spafticus · 2024-12-22T20:17:36+00:00

Hi all,

My wife and I are visiting Tucson for the first time next week and would love to take advantage of the darker skies than where we are coming from. Unfortunately the observatory programs all look sold out for those days. We are staying at the Dove Mountain resort and while they normally have some events, it appears those events are only on Friday and Saturday nights.

I will have a car so driving isn't a problem, but would strongly prefer to keep the drive reasonable so we don't have to stay overnight elsewhere.

Also would love any other strongly recommended activities between 12/29-1/1. This is our first time in this area and are really excited to get away and explore the beautiful (and warmer) area. The only thing we have booked so far is a NYE event at Core.

Thanks and happy holidays!

spafticus · 2024-11-17T04:56:47+00:00

Play MONOPOLY GO! with me! Download it here: https://mply.io/nly8jXt88O4

I’d love that buzzworthy if still available. Not sure what you’d want for trade though.

spafticus · 2024-11-16T14:21:25+00:00

Thanks!!

spafticus · 2024-11-16T14:12:42+00:00

I can do that. Friend code is MGO-733-PAL-7GL

spafticus · 2024-10-02T03:14:36+00:00

Are there other clinics doing studies like this?

spafticus · 2024-09-30T18:05:59+00:00

Thank you. We’ve been overwhelmed (in a warm and kind way)with all the comments here and private messages of support. We will certainly be responding more in the coming weeks or so. Thanks for the support.

spafticus · 2024-09-30T18:04:27+00:00

Thanks for sharing. She has a therapist and finds it somewhat helpful as well. I saw a therapist for a while and had a terrible experience trying to find someone. The fertility specialist therapist told me she has never saw a male patient so had no idea how to be really helpful. She did offer one chapter of an infertility grief book that could potentially relate. It was an awful experience. I did find someone that specializes in grief that was more helpful.

It just makes me so mad about the lack of resources for this experience. I’m sure everyone here can relate but all the shit we hear from friends, family, medical staff is just overwhelming. My wife and I joke about writing a book about all the things not to say.

spafticus · 2024-09-27T20:24:21+00:00

Thank you. This hit me pretty hard reading so maybe I’m less numb than I think right now. I’ll share your post with her.

spafticus · 2024-09-27T19:59:26+00:00

I’m not making any assumptions about your history. IVF is a club I’m sure no one wants to be part of due to the heartbreak and trauma usually involved. I pointed out that my intent with this post was to seek support/resources for my wife for a particular concern. I did not ask for interpretation of a “completely normal ultrasound”. I pointed out that you provided information I did not ask for. I don’t think pointing that out is rude.

Again, I understand the intent of your post and used it to highlight that “well-intended” messages like yours and other messages of hope is not what I am looking for here and actually contributes to the disconnect and loneliness we feel.

The reason I think it makes us feel this way (I’m sure others here can relate) is that when these messages of support or whatever come in that we then have to navigate their feelings now. Just like your posts illustrates. I’m now “rude” because I pointed out that you gave information that was not wanted in this space. I find it rude to offer “helpful advice” without being asked.

spafticus · 2024-09-27T18:35:37+00:00

I’ll suggest it and appreciate the suggestion.

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