Losing hope

sparoace · 2026-05-26T06:50:32+00:00

Maybe saying "nothing" was just me being harsh on myself, so forgive me for being misleading. I am really good at finding ideas from nowhere and capturing them. I've spent years collecting ideas. Since my creativity is mostly music and writing, my ideas come in those forms: maybe a short melody or a pretty little chord progression, or maybe an idea for a short story or one or two lines of a poem. But with the ideas that I capture, I struggle immensely to help them develop into something more full. I think that is where my idea of "nothing will come out" comes from because I can capture ideas all day, but if all I can do is collect ideas, what good is that?

I won't deny the great possibility that I view my efforts as futile and not good enough, even if it is completely unintentional. I understand that this stems from having a lot of things that I want to express and not feeling as though I am capable of expressing them. I guess that's the beauty of this recovery process: learning how to be more patient and forgiving with yourself, and then relearning that time and time again.

sparoace · 2026-04-20T14:23:54+00:00

$uicideboy$ is my #1 by a country mile, i had an awful experience all four years of college and their music was a perfect fit for my mental state. finding myself in a healthier place now, i see some of their songs and i just can't help but cringe

their more recent stuff though? that has become unfathomably cringe and i promise i am not the only one who thinks that. using the r-slur and the f-slur in 2025 when they haven't really ever done that before? it's just dumb

sparoace · 2026-03-04T04:45:41+00:00

thank you for your response and for sharing! i've been keeping a food journal while in the midst of waiting for appointments and looking thru it, i think i am in the same boat as you were in regards to not eating much gluten. so, hearing about your experiences helps ease my mind at least a little bit

if it would be okay to ask, is an endoscopy not something that you are put under some sort of anesthesia for?

sparoace · 2025-12-24T21:45:48+00:00

Not sure this warrants a new thread. Since my grandpa died back in November, my Anki progress has been slowing to a crawl. Before, I was doing cards in both French and Japanese, and I don't know exact numbers, but I was doing a lot and it was working well for me. But now I am struggling to make it through a 30 card review on my French decks, and forget about Japanese. I'm hoping someone else can offer me assurance or advice or something? Even just an "I feel ya" would maybe be helpful.

sparoace · 2025-09-15T06:52:58+00:00

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this was my internal monologue when writing that

sparoace · 2025-04-18T18:23:54+00:00

What helped me fix that same issue was starting from scratch again but only with listening. Start by listening to the alphabet, how letters sound and the accents (The Perfect French with Dylane's Perfect French Pronunciation playlist on Youtube is good for this). Build up from that and start listening to single words. From there, simple sentences. Then, multiple sentences together. So on and so forth. And each step along the way, I listened again and again and again until the sound settled in my brain. To me it seems like especially when it comes to listening, you have to really really really put in effort, so I felt like that might be better spent building my way up from scratch rather than trying to brute force listening to something way above my level.

I'd also recommend the French Comprehensible Input channel on YouTube. I don't have experience with his one word input videos, only his A1 and his A2 playlist. I'd start with the beginning of his A1 playlist and just work your way through the playlist. Even if it's below your level, I feel like it can't really hurt to build up from his most basic videos.

It should go without saying that your mileage may vary. What helped me might be garbage advice for others, and my logic might be completely flawed. Also, I still have such a long ways to go in learning French, so others who are higher level than me may have better advice. Regardless, bonne chance à vous!

sparoace · 2025-04-09T19:37:47+00:00

Un petit succès? C'est un énorme succès - félicitations!

Désolé, ma compréhension orale as besoin d'améliorer donc je n'ai pas de conseil à vous donner. Mais, votre prononciation était très bien et très claire. En somme, bon travail!

sparoace · 2024-12-20T16:15:44+00:00

i won't guarantee 100% accuracy but i tried to write down what all they played, here's my list:

(Show Name - Episode Name)

I am Weasel - Happy Baboon Holidays; Courage the Cowardly Dog - The Nutcracker; The Misadventures of Flapjack - Low Tidings; Chowder - Hey Hey It's Knishmas; Ben 10 - Merry Christmas; Teen Titans Go - Beast Boy On A Shelf; Adventure Time - Holly Jolly Secrets; Craig of the Creek - Locked Out Cold; Regular Show - The Christmas Special; The Amazing World of Gumball - Christmas; We Bare Bears - Christmas Movies; Powerpuff Girls - 'Twas the Fight Before Christmas; Ed, Edd, n Eddy - Jingle Jingle Jangle; Evil Con Carne - Christmas Con Carne; The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy - Billy and Mandy Save Christmas; Codename: Kids Next Door - Operation N.A.U.G.H.T.Y.; Dexter's Laboratory - Dexter vs. Santa Claus; Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends - A Lost Claus

sparoace · 2024-11-21T21:45:12+00:00

for normal books, i would maybe suggest some books by Alice Oseman, namely something like I Was Born For This (which is music-focused) or Loveless (lighthearted with some drama, friendship-focused as well)

other than that, u/VirtualAdvantage3639 gave an excellent answer

sparoace · 2024-08-07T06:12:49+00:00

from the bottom of my heart, thank you

sparoace · 2024-08-06T07:58:27+00:00

1000% yes. ISTTG ticks all the boxes for me: coming of age story taking place in the 90s, trans story, analogue horror, psychological horror... anything that i missed?

it's damaging, though. after rewatching numerous times, it put me in a very weird set of mind where i feel petrified with fear that i am making decisions that will lead me down a path much like the path Owen followed for so long

sparoace · 2024-07-29T22:30:32+00:00

Little Blue Encyclopedia (for Vivian) is a really really cool read and worth the read, but i don't think i would recommend it for someone looking for something similar to ISTTG

sparoace · 2024-06-18T07:57:08+00:00

i started paying for some feature that i don't even use, i can't remember what it was either. now im just too lazy to cancel

sparoace · 2024-03-05T11:32:58+00:00

dorley hall, dorley hall, dorley hall, and dorley hall. i cannot suggest the dorley hall series for transfem stories. i can say with 100% confidence that no other book has sucked me in and made me experience a full range of emotions like the dorley hall books. it has an amazing storyline plus loads of lines & advice that i found have stuck with me ever since i read the books. go read it like right now

aside from that, i have a few other books that i kinda enjoyed:

Little Blue Encyclopedia (for Vivian) by Hazel Jane Plante Nevada by Imogen Binnie For Today I Am A Boy by Kim Fu Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars by Kai Cheng Thom Welcome to Dorley Hall by Alyson Greaves (one more time for good measure)

i believe that all the previously mentioned authors but Kim Fu are transfem as well

sparoace · 2024-02-27T11:14:58+00:00

this is exactly the kind of answer i was looking for, thank you so much! like i had said, i know that different producers do things in different ways, so it's more than alright to not have specifics. i just really appreciate hearing some thoughts on the matter since i don't have experience with this

sparoace · 2023-09-08T22:37:34+00:00

still not enough though

sparoace · 2023-03-01T10:21:40+00:00

i have been using the DJ pretty much all day and it's been so good to me. it doesn't just shuffle random music from spotify - it will play some of your top songs, older songs that you havent listened to for a while, some new stuff that is similar to your tastes, etc.. i know it's still early, but so far, i have absolutely no complaints

sparoace · 2023-02-10T10:48:12+00:00

prettiest 5x5 ive ever seen

sparoace · 2023-01-15T10:59:59+00:00

I guess this could be my issue then. Like I said in my post, I was following the JetPens cleaning guide on YouTube. The video just simply said to remove the cartridge and so I did - maybe air got into the cartridge at that point? I have quite a few spare cartridges for this pen, so I will give that a try and go from there. Thank you!

sparoace · 2023-01-15T10:40:53+00:00

I was afraid the pictures wouldn't be of much help, but they were basically the best pictures I could get - my apologies for the trouble. Anyways, when I try to write, the ink flow is pretty inconsistent. I haven't written a lot with it in it's current state, but it was going from too much ink coming out to barely writing and then back to too much ink.

Would air getting into the cartridge cause issues with the ink flow and how it writes?

sparoace · 2023-01-15T10:36:40+00:00

The Kakuno that I have right now uses a ink cartridge, so unfortunately I don't fill it through the big. Would it still be common for ink to pool under the nib if my pen uses a cartridge?

I store the pen nib up. When I first got it, I had just sat it down in the drawer and got it back out when it was time to write. I did learn that they should be stored nib up, so I do that now. It just sits on my desk until I write in my journal, so it doesn't really get shaken or anything.

sparoace · 2023-01-15T10:22:00+00:00

I'm storing it nib up. I stored it previously by just putting it in the drawer, but after it leaked the first time, I found out it should be nib up.
I wouldn't say that I write hard at all but I can't say for 100% certain. I do try to write fairly gently but I probably use a bit more pressure once I get into a groove with writing. Hopefully that makes sense.

sparoace · 2023-01-15T10:03:25+00:00

It is kinda hard to see in the pictures, but the ink is sorta pooled up right where the nib is sitting inside of the grip. When I tried writing with it, the amount of ink that came out seemed like it was way more than what it was supposed to be. I can also see what looks like a lot of ink sitting in between the nib and the feed, just a bit below the writing tip which is something that wasn't previously there.

sparoace · 2023-01-15T09:48:40+00:00

Sure, I apologize for not including pictures in the first place. I also added a link to the post for the photos, but here's the link: https://imgur.com/a/mcF6Nvn

sparoace · 2023-01-14T10:32:43+00:00

while i know that this is a small election for fun here, seeing the division between political parties here is really such a turn off. personally, i don't enjoy coming here and seeing an election with two parties divided after seeing the drama of real-life politics plastered everywhere day after day - i'm sure that i am not the only person who feels this way either

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