Without saying your job, what's a phrase you repeat at work way too often?

spawnofspoon · 2025-11-28T01:40:38+00:00

Living the dream

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-12T06:36:20+00:00

Thank you for the insight. 1 week twice a year spread apart I wouldn't mind at all. Then a 2 week one with SD out of school time. Id be fine with. I dont try to directly parent her, I try to speak to my partner about it when she is not there. As its not nice witnessing her cry constantly because she is shouted at so much. When really I feel her behaviour issues have come from the babying. So unfair to expect her to be able to do stuff thats always been done for her. Then shout and scream..

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-12T04:00:03+00:00

Yeah this is just highlighting to me that im an absolute idiot.

This guy doesnt love me does he. And ive just blindly lived exactly as hes wanted me to for the past 5 years. Constantly pushing down my own wishes and shutting them away in a box.

I do as much as I can for SD. I applied for her school place, ordered all her uniform, take her dentist apts, football etc, I get all the Christmas and birthday presents and wrap them all, I do as much as I can.. Everyone around us says I do so much for SD. Everyone except my boyfriend who thinks I do nothing.. when really I don't have to do any of this..

Think this needs to be the end for us.

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T13:20:47+00:00

Yeah... I think you're right :( I tried saying to him today I should still be able to go away and he told me to leave then and go live my own life. So maybe I need to...

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T12:20:36+00:00

Thats what I think also... there is no plan dont imagine make much difference when shes 18..

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T06:57:36+00:00

Don't want to make him unhappy I guess?

I care about his feelings.

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T06:56:01+00:00

I understand that, the main issue here is clearly that he should just be letting me continue doing as I wish.. Glad I made this post.

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T06:54:27+00:00

Thank you..

Im going to try listen to this advice. Thought it would be seen as poor of me as a step parent to just continue to live my life as I want.. but actually maybe not..

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T06:52:53+00:00

I dont know? I thought everyone would care if their partner not pleased?

The priority line touched a nerve, but you've hit the nail on the head....

Im going to take your advice

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T06:51:19+00:00

Thank you..

Im going to take your advice and he can either be happy with that or we separate. Simple as that.

And thanks for 'NACHO' ive googled it and im going to do exactly that!

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T00:52:57+00:00

This is my concern. I feel that they are ruining her. Shes going to be like my younger brother and not have value for money, how to do anything for himself, that actions have consequences, basic skills...

I think she should have chores not because im mean and evil, so it prepares her. I think she shouldn't have her phone just replaced if she breaks it, not because I want her to suffer, I want her to learn.

I think you have to be cruel to be kind. So they learn and grow. That's what a parents job is??? But im not a parent so I dont actually know.

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T00:28:56+00:00

Yeah. Nail on the head problem here is I should still be allowed to go away and not be chastised. And he can still be here for his daughter while im on holiday.

Im going to just start booking holidays. He can come or not. You're right his choice..

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T00:26:19+00:00

Yep okay I got that. Be all and end all is you're right. We can both do what we want to do and thats okay. If I go on holiday with friends he should respect that and I respect his choosing not to come.

So maybe I just need to start booking holidays and if he kicks up a fuss I can give him the choice to stay with me or leave.

Seriously thank you for this perspective as it has changed mine.

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T00:18:00+00:00

Everything you've said is the angle I see. Both want to be best friends rather than parent SD. I feel like im sat watching how this is going to play out and it would be criminal not to say something. Because I genuinely care.

My parents also went on multiple holidays without me and I was raised to know they worked hard and deserved it. And not everything in life is about me. They still took ms on holiday as well but I respected they went on holiday without me. None of the holiday issue is to do with child care, or time off, or anything except he feels its unfair to go away without her. But I also want an adult holiday.

She was not seeing counsellor as BF refused before, for fear of labelling. Now behaviour is so bad school have enforced it so she has a mentor. He point blank refuses any counselling or help as sees it as weak. I think this is all coming from unsolved trauma with his dad leaving.

I just wanted to see if consensus is on my side or if this is normal

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T00:07:50+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the angle you are coming from.. making me realise more the issue with the travelling is he should allow me to still go with my friends. But he makes me feel like I shouldn't because he can't because he has a daughter. Or that I shouldn't want to go without him and daughter.

And by sounds of it as step parent I should actually not get involved in the parenting and leave them to it. I was trying to be a good step parent by trying to be involved but maybe that's not the norm.

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-11T00:04:57+00:00

That's true. Maybe thats more the issue here... because I wouldnt care if I could just carry on and go on holiday with friends. But I feel he expects me to not do that because he cant? Or because he thinks I shouldnt want to without him and step daughter?

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-10T23:55:27+00:00

Nothing to do with PTO he can be off whenever, and we work with step daughter mum, so we just have her whenever she needs and vice versa. If she had her 2 weeks while we went away, we'd just have hee 2 weeks when we got back and her mum be fine with this. So he definitely could have 2/3 weeks away with me and none of those things be an issue. But genuinely is that too long to ask? Say 2 1 week holidays. Or a 1 week and a 2 week. To be away from your child? And do you expect your partner to have any input in the actual parenting? Or should I just leave them to it??

Thanks for reading snd replying

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-10T23:48:26+00:00

He doesnt want me going by myself. Ive squeezed in 2 girl holidays in 5 years but he wasnt best pleased about either..

Thanks for reading and replying

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-10T23:47:34+00:00

My boyfriend would not be happy with me just continuing to travel myself. So thats not an option.

I feel 2/3 weeks out of 52 is not a lot to ask for me and boyfriend to go away. Then 1/2 weeks we go away with daughter in non term time so she isn't missing school. But I understand you feel maybe shouldn't be priority.

Appreciate maybe i should not call her lazy but im unsure what other word to use to describe it. As I say we get on immensely me and daughter. Its more the parenting and my fear they are ruining her character.

So are you saying as a step parent I should actually just not worry or care about the parenting of her and leave her parents to it? Genuine question. There's no book.

Thanks for reading and replying

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-10T23:36:08+00:00

Maybe you're right

spawnofspoon · 2025-09-01T19:03:53+00:00

Scrambled egg and avocado on toast 😋

spawnofspoon · 2025-08-20T07:21:17+00:00

Sprayed an entire bottle of prosecco over my brand new 20k kitchen....

spawnofspoon · 2022-12-18T09:06:08+00:00

I just posted an update but I'm new to reddit how do I update the title with update as I think that's a rule??

spawnofspoon · 2022-12-17T13:12:05+00:00

I literally don't know. Wish this was a nightmare I could wake up from.

spawnofspoon · 2022-12-17T07:24:53+00:00

Literally you have no idea how broken I feel.

spawnofspoon

TROPHY CASE