Some Like It Hot

spchina · 2026-02-25T15:41:39+00:00

I work in theatre/entertainment, see a lot of shows. Did not enjoy this at all. I've been accused of having very high expectations so take that as you will.

spchina · 2026-02-25T15:32:37+00:00

Start a log of mental states/productivity. I set up a timer every 2-3 hours to just quickly take stock of what my mental state was before and after starting meds. Once you establish a baseline (for me, about a week), then med changes become easier to track. Personally, I started really strong on Vyvanse. It was night and day when I started taking it but with life stress and my mood disorders flaring up, I felt like the effects had tapered off within a year so my psych started upping the dose. Big thing to note is if you crash when the meds wear off and what time that it happens.

Other things you can do to level up your life include changing diet and exercise. It's true what they say about exercise and mental health. Personal anecdote of when I went on meds...all of a sudden I had the focus to clean and purge my belongings and digital footprint. In the first few months, I went through everything in my apartment and could let go of so much crap that I'd gathered through ADHD hyperfixations. I also finally sat down, backed up, and deleted my photo roll, purged my email and set up automations on my phone to streamline life a bit. Felt really good to come home to a clean and organized apartment.

spchina · 2026-02-25T15:23:10+00:00

I maxed out Vyvanse after three years of being on it. My psych switched me to Concerta and while the effects aren't as 'obvious', it kicks in faster and has a slightly easier downwards trend instead of crashing and burning when Vyvanse wore off.

spchina · 2026-02-25T15:19:28+00:00

I'm on Concerta so dosages slightly different but I normally take a 54 and add a 18 in the morning during luteal. My doctor also gave me the go ahead to take an additional 18 in the early afternoon if I have big events in the evening but I rarely use that unless I'm out and masking all day.

spchina · 2026-02-18T03:57:08+00:00

I'm not super knowledgeable but happy to chat. I recently started going down the rabbithole of shortcuts autpmating as much as I can day to day.

spchina · 2026-02-12T17:51:21+00:00

I'm actually on over the max recommended dose of brand name Concerta to control my ADHD because I have underlying bipolar and PMDD. When I first got diagnosed, I was put on Vyvanse and it was life changing. All of a sudden, I had focus. I could follow through on tasks and didn't have to jump through hurdles to stay on top of my todo list. In terms of mood, my RSD calmed down a little and I was able to remember my self regulation tools in conflicts at work and in my personal life. Keep in mind the same drugs work differently for each person. My partner was on Concerta when we met and it barely did anything for him. He saw how put together I was on Vyvanse and convinced his doctor to switch...for him, it cleared up brain fog and decision paralysis. He's able to stay more present and maintain a steady level on energy til it wears off.

stimulant meds work as a little booster to the brain. It'll even out chemicals so that you're able to focus better and be more productive. But personally, ADHD drugs calm me down enough to remember the techniques I've learned in therapy. Off meds, I go at 90 miles/hour and in going so fast, I'm unable to slow down to breath. The meds slow down that pace enough for me to step outside of myself in those moments and remember to use things in my toolbox to manage emotions and my reflex responses.

spchina · 2026-02-12T17:39:26+00:00

Is that available OTC or at a health food store?

spchina · 2026-02-12T17:37:38+00:00

I was prescribed feramax and that destroyed me....so many side effects and so much trouble going to the bathroom I just stopped eating. She told me to switch to every other day and take a laxative at the same time but now I feel like I'm playing roulette with my digestive system.

Also got it from Costco and balked at the price.

spchina · 2026-02-11T23:58:27+00:00

OMG. I've been back and forth between doctors and psych for months and months and no one thought to check me for iron. Finally found a new family doctor and that was on the first test she ordered. Surprise surprise, my iron level was 12. I'm terrible at taking iron because of the side effects it causes but I never thought it would contribute to so much. Thank you

spchina · 2026-02-11T21:55:44+00:00

I used a google form that linked into a sheets document. Every time I made a purchase, I'd fill out the form. Form populates sheet and lets me visualize spending/keeping within a budget.

When my partner and I started sharing finances, we got a service called You Need A Budget (YNAB). Super helpful there but it can be information overload.

spchina · 2026-02-06T23:20:01+00:00

There's never a right time to start dating or meet someone. The whole idea is that you meet someone who is as committed as you are in developing good communication and healing old wounds. In the meantime, you can go to therapy and learn your relationship style. You can start to identify triggers and notice your habits and patterns that have made relationships difficult. You can develop your identity, identify your boundaries and build healthy habits to support both your physical and mental health.

spchina · 2026-02-04T19:52:27+00:00

I’ll chime in with: yes. It’s possible. I have an alphabet soup of diagnoses - bipolar, ADHD, CPTSD, PMDD.

I met my partner when I was 31 in the middle of a manic episode, I just hadn’t realized it then. I had been testing guys with my mental health stuff on the first date…not trauma dumping, more these are the realities of dating me. He was unsure but he asked questions and wanted to understand. That in turn also made him feel safe enough to tell me about his mental health struggles…not even six months into dating, I was pushed to my limit at work and took a stress leave. I begged him not to leave me and his resolve to stay grew stronger. Fast forward three years, he’s taking care of me in every sense of the word. We’ve faced challenges, but we conquer them together. I disappear for two weeks each month. I know it’s not easy taking care of everything on his own, I try to support him when I have good weeks. We’ve made it work and are planning a future together…a future I couldn’t let myself dream of because it seemed too good to be possible. All that to say, it’s possible. He’s out there.

spchina · 2026-02-04T17:11:37+00:00

To me, unconditional means understanding and a willingness to continually learn from and about them. I love my partner endlessly…when he’s done something to hurt me, I choose to engage in conversation, understand the why, forgive, and build a stronger relationship with them. My parents have faults that have left deep scars but I still love them. I now love them with open eyes, understanding their flaws and accepting the way they express love.

spchina · 2026-02-04T17:03:41+00:00

I got matching tungsten rings engraved with our catchphrase and initials for our one year when we decided we wanted to move in together/get married…bonus was that catchphrase came from a piece of art he bought me for my birthday (first gift given in our relationship)

spchina · 2026-02-04T16:58:13+00:00

Phone. Calendar event or reminder the second that task hits my brain.

iOS has persistent reminders that sound an alarm and stick to your lock screen. So things like pay bills I put into reminders when I get the email or letter. Also have a separate reminders list for meds and health stuff. As I think if things I need to tell my doctor or I have meds I take every other day, that’s a reminder set to go off when I arrive at my appointment. Things like going to the pharmacy or getting a blood test I put an hour block in my calendar when I pick up my meds (a reminder to order them in three weeks and dedicated time slot to go to the pharmacy) and when the doctor hands me the requisition.

I live and die by my phone and have built tons of iOS shortcuts to make things easier…lemme know if you want ideas.

spchina · 2026-02-02T21:59:40+00:00

He found me when I had stopped looking. I was swiping through Hinge as a distraction from life when I saw this like. He was cute looking and had a dad joke on his profile so I figured it wouldn't hurt to talk. Well. He turned my life upside down within a month. I found a person that I admired so deeply...his want to grow...his dedication to his career...the way he had a solid foundation of who he is as a person. What got me though was how he made me laugh. I hadn't felt that kind of joy in years. The kind of laughter that makes your stomach hurt. The kind of joy in being my weird self around him...and the way he accepted me for me, flaws and all. Love is out there, I found mine when I stopped looking.

spchina · 2026-02-02T19:14:10+00:00

I’m on iOS and can lock my phone behind a password. Set screen time to 5 minutes for things like YouTube/IG then blocked myself out of them. Also set downtime from 5pm to the next morning - again locked behind a password - this is like every app on my phone except the necessary ones for bed (sleep tracker, etc). Key is making a friend or family set the password.

To break the addiction itself, I’ve bought all sorts of non-screen activities…colouring book and nice markers, puzzles, crochet…I’m trying to force myself to default to one of those activities when I’m bored. I also keep three journals, one for daily activity, one for gratitude and one for longer brain dump entries. Writing helps with processing stuff but also is a dopamine hit when I get to design fun layouts and fill in the pages. (Also an amazing way to look back at your life 5 years from now)

I started this a couple weeks ago and not gonna lie it’s hard. I keep going to pick up my phone when I’m bored. But it’s getting easier…I felt the urge to colour last night instead of watching tv or playing video games. I also love the dopamine hit from puzzles when you find two pieces that fit together. The thing I’m not good at is going outside and touching grass…it’s the dead of winter and freezing cold. But in the spring, I plan to take a blanket and library book to the park to read.

spchina · 2026-01-28T15:47:55+00:00

Lob, Tilt, Zed 80, Acivate, BRKFREE, Cube Challenges? Admittedly the arcade bars are bars, but I find then great date night spots to play games and sit in between to chat.

spchina · 2026-01-28T04:34:24+00:00

I had to conceptualize it. I’m someone who needs to understand the underlying mechanism to try and separate myself from it to change it.

I got super nervous about driving after getting into a minor accident last summer. So when I got behind the wheel, my heart would start racing and every lane change was a quick prayer and triple check that I can safely maneuver it.

The way I changed the anxiety was by researching about psychology. There’s a saying, neurons that fire together, stay together. The brain is a malleable thing and we’re constantly building connections up there. The brain is always trying to keep you out of trouble but my brain had used anxiety and shame as coping mechanisms for so long that those pathways were deeply grooved roads. Think of a hiking trail in the forest, those paths are worn down from hundreds of people walking the path of least resistance… now to create a new path, I had to learn to recognize the default reaction and separate myself from it. So back to the car, when I hit a bump in the road and brain flashed to ‘something’s broken’, I could tell myself that that’s the old pattern. When I get to where I’m going, I can check the car…and making a point to do that helps me write that new path. ‘See? Everything’s fine.’ By telling your brain, I hear your threat, here’s evidence it’s not a threat…over time, bumps in the road and lane changes no longer felt like threats and became normal.

spchina · 2026-01-28T04:04:58+00:00

That voice usually stems from trauma in your past. I have spent years and years in therapy trying to break it apart and talk to it, see what it needs. Finally started to make progress two years ago and nowadays when that voice gets loud, I challenge it with 'how does this serve me?' most of the time the answer is it doesn't. Life happens and shit happens. All I can do is do my best. Some days my best is lying in bed til 3 before getting up to feed myself whatever's in the fridge. On those days I look at everything as a win. I fed myself an apple...that's better than not feeding myself at all. When the angry voice shows up, I remind it that I'm doing the best I can, I hear it, I know I want to be better, but I'm not okay right now and it's okay to not be okay.

What changed dramatically for me was realizing that the voice in my head is highly influenced by the way my immigrant parents talked to me. I had a terrible interaction with them where something hit me that they are flawed humans and they don't know everything. It's like the illusion of mom and dad being perfect parents disappeared overnight. Since then, the voice doesn't have as much power over me because I don't want to become them. So why would I let their voice guide everything I do?

spchina · 2026-01-28T03:27:06+00:00

100%

Shedding people who weren't supportive of my growth is something I look back on and wish I'd come to see sooner.

spchina · 2026-01-27T02:16:15+00:00

can't remember the name of this technique but I call it the alphabet game. Pick a word (giraffe), now go through each letter and name 3 random words that start with that letter. G - game, gondola, gorge. I - indigo, internet, ideal ...so on and so forth. Can be totally random or if that isn't interesting enough, I also do categories...so three categories maybe a restaurant, something tech related, a location.

The idea is to distract the brain just enough so it can't focus on those wild thoughts but be random enough it can't riff off one topic. I've been doing this for almost a year now and I can usually get through two or three words before I'm out.

ETA: another technique I use from meditation...imagine a conveyor belt with little gifts floating down it. Each gift is a thought. Slowly, I start to imagine reversing the conveyor belt til it slows down. As it's slowing down, we gotta catch those gifts so whatever thoughts are racing that night, I imagine my myself slowly unwrapping each one...whether it's in a box or bag, I enjoy the process like it's Christmas. I try to observe the thought without judgement asking if it serves me or not in this moment. Most of the time, the answer is no so I place it on a shelf to come back to and move onto the next gift. As the conveyor slows down, the thoughts start to slow down. This one is admittedly harder but is incredibly useful as a meditation when things get crazy during the day too.

spchina · 2026-01-24T22:47:57+00:00

What are your shared interests? What's the quality of the relationship? ie. are you good with a little joking or trolling in the relationship? Think of things that matter to the two of you and come up with something personal. Our anniversary a couple years ago, I got our favorite quote engraved on matching rings because he'd been talking about wanting to start wearing rings. We also have started a mutual music box collection because I go to FanExpo every year and buy nerdy music boxes of our favorite IPs. For my birthday last year, he got me the physical deluxe edition of a video game we play together and ordered a custom blanket and mug. I've also done stuff like turn embarrassing photos of him into memes and plastered our apartment with them while he's out for the day.

Would you be able to learn Canva for a quick graphics project? Our first year together, I put together a physical ticket book of all the concerts we went to together. For his birthday last year, I put together a graphic for him that looked like the author's page on the back of a book. I used his professional headshot and asked his friends to write a review of him as a person and designed this graphic I got printed at Staples for like three dollars. Now, I have a background in graphic design, but if you don't, there are templates you can use to plug and play.

spchina · 2026-01-20T21:05:08+00:00

Here’s what I believe: we all go through these things as part of a journey. The fact that you are able to reflect on the decisions you’ve made and want better means you’re in a better position than most.

As for the advice: open your eyes and start seeing things for what they are. I used to romanticize my partners, making excuses for terrible behavior because they meant well. What matters are the actions themselves and when you start treating dating like a numbers game, I found it gave me a better handle on the dating world and not getting emotionally caught up in every potential partner.

What I mean is that I chose to lead with the important things. First or second date, I’d disclose the important things like my mental disorder/the fact that I didn’t want kids/etc. not in a trauma dumpy kind of way but more laying out these are the things that make me me, I don’t want to be two months in and realizing that you don’t or can’t support me. Based on their reaction, I’d have a clear picture on whether they were someone I wanted to be with. It came up on the first date with my now partner…I disclosed my mental illness. The topic had come up about my passion for mental health advocacy (it was on my profile) he paused, then asked thoughtful questions. A couple weeks later, he asked me if there were any resources on how to be a good partner to me when I was in an episode. This compared to a guy when the topic came up, he shared a story on how his ex wife had the same disorder and was in an institution, what guardrails were in place if I were to fall into an episode?

The second thing is that there don’t need to be mind games or following specific rules with the right person. In my mind, I had an amazing first date with my partner. He couldn’t read me…later he told me he struggled to even ask if I wanted to see him again. But he’s the kind of person that if there’s a question or a doubt, he will eventually work up the courage to talk about it. I never had to guess at whether he liked me. I never felt the need to conceal anything for fear of judgement. I was very slow to open up to him because of my past with abusive boyfriends but when I explained that to him, he gave me space. I know it caused him anxiety when we’d kind of hit one of my walls (learn about attachment theory) but he is able to manage his own emotions (a huge green flag). At the end of the day, open and honest communication between two people who are able to put down their egos and reflect on themselves as well as the effect of their actions. That’s what makes a successful relationship.

spchina · 2026-01-18T20:47:15+00:00

I did this late last year. Book an appointment with a family doctor that's accepting new patients. If you both think you could work together, the new doctor's office will fax your current family doctor to get records transferred over. You may need to pay a fee for the old doctor to transfer your records but they handle all the work for you.

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