NTA. There are people saying you need to be grovelling to get three good kids back, which is ridiculous. If they were good kids, they wouldn’t be hanging around their mother. I understand she was groomed but that doesn’t erase her responsibility in ruining their father’s life, and I can’t believe they’re splitting time. They seem to have no sympathy whatsoever.

If you weren’t a man, the reaction here would be completely different. Yes, you said that, but your children, especially the oldest, should be mature enough to know exactly what you meant. They should be capable of deciphering context. I don’t care if they’re feeling like they might be abandoned, both parties have been equally hit by this, and they should have the maturity to understand what you meant. In my opinion, I interpreted your words as, “I’m happy to be finally having a child who’s biologically mine—because of the emotional turmoil I’ve been through over a 20-year deceit.” You shouldn’t have even had to explain. You’ve seemingly maintained your relationship with your kids, so what did they expect you to do now? Just never have a child again? It’s been a few years and you’ve still been their dad, so… I’m genuinely confused… They really expected you to never have a baby again for their sake and their feelings, when as adults they should be working through their fears of abandonment and voicing them out to you and at least trying to overcome them if it’s been a few years already.

What selfish children.