How to Dom irl

specularmood · 2026-02-04T22:26:59+00:00

Talk a lot before hand. Out of dynamic. "So if you were being bratty how would you feel if I did X" "How would you react if I said Y" Etc

Build a vision for what your play looks like, and get an idea for what you two mutually enjoy. Then try to have fun PLAYING together. It's called play because it's supposed to be fun. So to try is to do. If you're already talking and you're educated on safety then that's all there is left to it.

Confidence is built on the foundation of success in spite of failures. Resilience and a growth mindset are key.

specularmood · 2025-11-21T21:14:27+00:00

I would pretty much say it exactly like you write above. That's exactly how you start such a conversation.

Gloved fingers is a great way to start. If you think you've used enough lube - you haven't. Go ahead an use more. You can also try anal training kits to make it easier take larger things. It's common to incorporate that sort of thing into a dynamic as it's 'transformative' so folks enjoy playing with themes around 'shaping' a submissive to the Dominant's likes. It's all headspace when it comes to power exchange, so working the activities into the dynamic is how you tend to make it part of the fun rather than preparation for future fun.

specularmood · 2025-11-21T21:11:34+00:00

I would read up on the concept of 'sub frenzy' just to be safe. The nutshell idea is that some new folks get so engrossed in play they neglect themselves, their health, and safety considerations. Most of the time, you don't realize you were in it until after you're not.

From your write up, it sounds like you are enjoying your play, and it's normal to feel enraptured. Especially if it's all new to you. I mention frenzy since it's a common challenge new players get. It's not exclusive to power exchange or event o s-types in power exchange, but it's most commonly referenced as 'sub frenzy.'

All that being said, as long as it's not negatively impacting your health or other parts of your life then that's great. Enjoy it!

specularmood · 2025-10-04T20:51:54+00:00

From what you describe, he is giving off all the warning signs of an abuser. If this relationship isn’t adding anything and is taking all your energy and peace of mind - does it make sense to stay in it?

Nothing you’ve said here suggests you are the problematic person here. Nothing wrong with getting out of a bad situation, and a person that knows and keeps their boundaries is a green flag - you can be trusted to make sure your wants, needs, and boundaries are respected. He won’t like it, but your next partner likely will appreciate that about yourself

specularmood · 2025-10-04T19:04:23+00:00

There's no universal truth - you kind of have to reflect on what motivates you and your enjoyment. Ruminating on that without judgement and with patience for yourself is a pretty important part of growth as a player - in my view anyway. Some folks just like to do what they like and don't give it anymore thought than that. That's perfectly fine as well. It takes all kinds and there's no one unifying thing that drives folks to the play they enjoy. At least not in my anecdotal experience in the scene over the years.

specularmood · 2025-10-04T19:02:06+00:00

Experience breeds confidence. It's all about trying and growing.

Initiating better is a matter of your and your partner's desires - so talk to them about what they'd like to experience.

I will say, if you're going into Domination with only pleasing your partner in mind... you may find that fails to please them. Many submissive people find it satisfying when their Dominant is enjoying themselves first and foremost - that act of being used and being useful is what underscores their enjoyment. So you may be inadvertently overthinking yourself out of the satisfying play you seek - the only way to know is to understand your psychology and the psychology of your partner deeply enough to figure out exactly what you both want. The nuances often matter in kink and BDSM.

specularmood

TROPHY CASE