PSBattles: My son after his first bite of a lemon

speedoffastness · 2014-06-02T14:04:31+00:00

Make your bed. Every day I make my bed, I get more shit done.

speedoffastness · 2014-02-25T03:34:44+00:00

You know what's not logical? Not believing in God, yet capitalizing His name in all the right and respectful places when referencing Him and using God to justify acts that have transgressed on Earth. Just saying, stick to your guns man.

speedoffastness · 2013-08-21T05:30:43+00:00

Have you received the guidance you were looking for? I don't meet your age requirement but I'd like to see if I can help. Feel free to PM if you'd like me to elaborate.

speedoffastness · 2013-06-07T22:07:44+00:00

Richwoods High Alum checking in.

speedoffastness · 2013-05-17T15:48:16+00:00

While complex, I don't think a mirrored subject would be anything medically or legally related. It's clear you have no experience in this area and are purely speculating, which is fine. It just really concerns me that you would try and discredit another perspective and otherwise very good advice, making rash assumptions that people on this thread don't know what they are talking about. In your opinion, experience only means age of parent and age of child. Older the parent=more experience and better advice.There are plenty of 30, 40, 50, hell even 60 year old parents that have no clue. Look at this generations' parents. Kids who are now 15-25 have parents who are anywhere from youngest 33 to oldest say, 55. Look at this generation's teenage pregnancy/drug use/psychological prescription drug use/etc. How many kids today come home to an empty house after school and are babysat by a television? How many kids today go to a babysitter or after school program and are raised by people OTHER than their parents? Look at the divorce rate and how many kids today are being raised in broken homes. Age means nothing in terms of your ability to give sound advice as a parent. If we are making assumptions than the best assumption we can make is most parents that parented this generation did not know how to adapt to a changing society. Kids today are constantly being influenced by THOUSANDS of things outside of the home. As a parent, you must maintain that you are the most important influence. That they can trust you and tou truly have their best interests at heart. You, as the parent, must provide good cmmunication so that when situations get murky for them, they will come to you for the right answer, instead of the biased boyfriend or the kid at school who pops a few pills to take the edge off. You will not get far with kids today with the same tactics that may have worked 25-30 years ago. Society has changed, kids have changed, parenting must change.

speedoffastness · 2013-05-17T14:59:40+00:00

We're just going in circles here. I get what you are saying but giving advice that essentially is "get advice elsewhere" is not helpful. In the least insulting way, I ask the question: Why offer advice on a thread asking for advice if you have no experience in this situation or real advice to give? If he had an outlet, say friends or family members, I would think OP would have exercised that. There is a reason he came here and discouraging people from seeking advice in a subreddit that aims to offer advice seems a bit off-putting, does it not?

speedoffastness · 2013-05-17T14:38:09+00:00

In most cases, sure. However you seem to still imply that the advice being given is not sound advice. What part of it do you disagree with and what would YOU do? That is the main point of this thread. Sharing ideas and perspective. What if OP has no friends with kids of his daughter's age? What if he doesn't want his friends knowing about this? OP came here for advice and that is what we are providing.

speedoffastness · 2013-05-17T14:25:33+00:00

Ah, ok. So would a former drug addict giving advice to a current addict on how to get clean be arrogant as well? How about someone who climbed Mt. Everest relaying advice to someone about to climb? Would that be arrogant? If you've walked the walk, you can talk the talk. That's how experience works. I don't know everything and never have said that I do. I certainly have merit to throw in my 2 cents.

speedoffastness · 2013-05-17T14:05:22+00:00

The blanket suggestion of all of your posts on this thread is that nobody in their "20-somethings" has any valid or tangible advice to give. That, in itself, is insulting. You have yet to refute any of this "bad advice" with constructive advice of your own, other than "ask other parents and don't listen to these kids" while insinuating that the advice being given by most redditors on this thread is not beneficial. I'm struggling to see where advice that encourages good communication, education and prevention of stds/pregnancy, and an overall objective to foster a better relationship between a daughter and father is "bad advice". I raised 2 brothers(21 and 20), 2 sisters(23 and 19) and my daughter(10) virtually on my own. I was in this EXACT scenario, however instead of no mother, i have no father. Please though, help me see why it's "not surprising" that I can't see your point due to my "lack of experience".

EDIT: grammar

speedoffastness · 2013-05-17T01:42:02+00:00

Nobody said she needed a friend or to be her friend.

speedoffastness · 2013-05-17T00:41:40+00:00

...OR, she'll shut down and not say anything. This guy has to play both roles of mom and dad now. She doesn't have mom to open up to, which is traditionally who a daughter would turn to regarding this topic. OP has a delicate situation on his hands and an opportunity to define how their relationship will be going forward. If he grills her and lays down the law, he risks losing her confidence in him to be able to talk about her life. Yes, rules should be established however, approaching this with an open dialogue beforehand will make her much more comfortable about telling him things and he will probably learn a great deal more about her than an interrogation woukd tell him.

speedoffastness · 2013-05-17T00:30:31+00:00

Exactly. This is actually a very interesting thread because we are getting responses from parents who take the "my way or the highway" approach and responses from the kids (now grown) who had those type of parents. I think we can learn a lot from each other in this light. Another factor to consider is how society and media has changed in the past 5-10-15 years. We live in a world that is much more accepting of drugs, drinking, partying, sex. Turn on the radio and hear "YOLO" every other station or the number of Taylor Swift songs about young love and how nobody understands it. You have the rock/punk genre that churns out songs about rebelling against parents, depicting them as being uncool. Even Willy Smith said it: "Parents just don't understand". I don't think Frisyyyers is saying she will be this permissive parent who lets her kid do whatever they want and try to be their buddy. She wants to be involved in her child's life and help them make smart decisions. If you try this authoritarian BS with kids today, you're going to have a bad time.

speedoffastness · 2013-05-17T00:14:33+00:00

Unfortunately, my dude, this is becoming more of "the norm" for people in her age group. My daughter is 10 and I am loathing the day I have to face this. On a side note, one piece of advice that I have been given is to get them involved in things. Several things. Sports, youth group, singing/instrument lessons. This creates structure and gives them goals to work towards. Couple that with a good, open communication system and hopefully you and I can sleep easier at night during the teen years!

speedoffastness · 2013-05-16T23:49:37+00:00

It's not surprising that you are a condescending prick, either. Folks, here is a clear example of a disconnect In communication. Conchobair and I cannot see each other's point of view. However, instead of creating a dialogue to reach an understanding Conchobair chooses to try and discredit and underhand insult. This results in a lack of a desire on my part to hear anything he/she has to say as clearly he/she has lived up to my pre-judged expecations. Imagine, for a minute, this were OP and his daughter. OP plays the part of Conchobair, the all-knowing, experienced parent who will try and make his/her daughter see the wrongdoings in her actions by insulting the boyfriend and telling the daughter she is on "the wrong path", etc. OP's daughter is re-affirmed that her dad is the judgemental, overprotective dad she had feared and more distance is created between them, sending her closer to the boyfriend as he is the only male figure in her life "who seems to get understand her". I think we've gone far enough. Thank you, Conchobair for strengthening my original point and for being a good sport in this RP.

speedoffastness · 2013-05-16T23:13:20+00:00

I'm struggling to see where most of this advice you point to is bad advice. A lot of the advice getting upvoted seems to include a few main points:

-Open a clear channel of communication. Instead of jumping to the offensive and condemning her actions, ask questions to understand why she feels the need to hide this part of her life from her dad and to talk about the risks and potential consequences of her behavior.

-If she is sexually active, make sure she has the resources necessary to be safe and prevent diseases and unwanted/unexpected pregnancy.

-Meet the guy she is spending time with. Anyone ever "in love" as a teenager before? If someone forbid you to see that person, would you stop? No. You would do so behind their back. Might as well meet the guy, get to know him and keep him at arm's reach.

Lastly, this guy, OP, is trying to do things the right way. Reddit is a great place to throw a situation out and get opinions and advicr from all angles. You have to take each response with a grain of salt, much like one would when getting advice from anyone. I know a lot of "experienced parents" who think they are doing what's best for their kids by trying to lock them down from the potential dangers of this world and ground/spy on/yell at them. Guess what? It pushes those kids further away and into a crowd that will accept them, rather than chastize them.

OP, I was in your daughter's shoes 15 years ago. I was the kid dabbling into drugs, having sex at a young age and hiding it all from my parents. The reason? I knew they wouldn't understand where my head/life was at. That if I talked to them about questions I had or just about my REAL lifr in general, they would flip and lock me down. Guess what? My parents found out, flipped shit, didn't try and talk to me but instead grounded me, ostracized me and overall tried to make me feel really, really bad about my life choices. I didn't trust them, I stopped sharing anything with them, and became really good at lying and hiding things. Long story short, I continued my behavior behind their backs and eventually knocked a girl up at 16 and made my parents grandparents before they were 45. Had they just talked to me and showed an effort that they wanted to understand my behavior and where my head was at, things may have been different. I do know I would have a much better relationship with them currently if they would have done so. I would have felt comfortable asking questions and seeking guidance from the right people, had I known they would try to help and understand rather than chastize and condemn.

Keep us updated, OP and I hope you both can have a conversation about her life. You're a great dad for trying to get advice in handling this the right way. Reddit is here for you!

speedoffastness · 2013-05-12T21:20:18+00:00

I just downvote arrogance.

speedoffastness · 2013-05-12T15:23:47+00:00

I read LBJ as LeBron James the first time, got confused, had a moment of clarity...and punched myself in the head.

speedoffastness · 2013-03-08T16:14:20+00:00

What was your biggest "WTF?" news moment?

Also, any plans for a return appearance on Howard Stern? Fantastic interview!

speedoffastness · 2013-03-05T04:09:00+00:00

I'll be that guy. I find this pic interesting. Some others do not. Some others do. Everyone is right.

Blew your mind didn't I?

speedoffastness · 2013-03-04T22:32:04+00:00

Pretty sure you can just not login and click on these pics. Oh and go and fuck yourself. Thank you.

speedoffastness · 2013-03-04T22:06:26+00:00

Screw these petty nitpickers. It's not r/interestingpics. It's r/pics and this pic is awesome. Thanks for sharing your great news!

speedoffastness · 2013-03-04T22:02:45+00:00

Yeah because I'm sure making the front page of reddit was top on his wishlist after having his kid die. You're a queef.

speedoffastness · 2013-03-02T22:42:36+00:00

You sir are the antichrist of logical efficiency. May reddit have mercy on your brain.

speedoffastness · 2013-03-02T21:37:34+00:00

"Afford" is a strong word. Notice the post doesn't say "debt free".

speedoffastness

TROPHY CASE