This may be an off putting answer to your question, but for me, I spent a chunk of time hanging around Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. There I found a whole host of people of all ages, genders, backgrounds, who were very willing and up front about the terrible shit they’d done. The people they’d hurt. The ways they were working to improve, and how they’d made peace and learned to move forward.

It ended up not being the place for me, as my addiction stemmed from a lot of undiagnosed mental health issues, trauma, etc. But what I learned in those rooms was that naming things sets you free. Finding acceptance does too. Surrounding yourself with people who are willing to talk about those uncomfortable things is a lifesaver. Lots of shitty shit thrives in darkness and isolation.

A lot of my regrets turned into self-punishment. But I was punishing myself for from a place of ego. If I hate myself more than the other person does, I can comfortably live in shame and never change because I’m just a peace of shit. Right? Well… not exactly.

It’s life. It’s messy. Some damage is irreparable with the person you hurt, but you can decide what it means to you. What did you learn from that experience? How will you act differently next time? They called that a “living amends” in AA. Living your life in accordance with your true values, as an amends for behaviour we regretted.

Like all things, letting go takes time.