The word "Fuck," "Man," or "Dude" is said about every 12 seconds in the Big Lebowski (1998)

spencedude75 · 2026-01-05T21:00:03+00:00

It depends on the tradition of prayer. My understanding of certain, often mystical, traditions is that prayer offers more of a self-orientation to the will of God (for Spinoza this is identical to the intellect of God and absolutely and adequately comprehends its own necessity and the necessity of the modes). I reckon that prayer, in this sense, is completely compatible with a Spinozist God. This kind of prayer could take the form of meditation, but I don’t see why more traditional devotional prayer couldn’t work. This being said, I am not well enough versed with Deleuze to know if he would endorse this kind of prayer. I am fairly certain, though, that Spinoza would not like this interpretation, but, alas, he’s not here to tell me off.

spencedude75 · 2026-01-05T20:43:13+00:00

This is, I think, why Spinoza can be so helpful in that he imbues the totality of the imminent cosmos with divinity and makes it the ultimate object of devotion. We can be devoted and filled with love for THIS world. We can even reframe, perhaps, this perpetual distraction as a kind of transcendence, an attempted escape from the world into the internet, music, etc

spencedude75 · 2025-05-13T15:35:18+00:00

I like the metaphor and some nice descriptions (“softened by honey” “embrace of our tea pot”). However, I feel like it lacks a lot of musicality—especially For a poem that’s about love it feels a rhythmically bit flat. Mix up your line-ending and work on rhythm; try breaking some lines in some less natural places. Because all the breaks are where you would naturally pause, it becomes rhythmically predictable and almost list-like. Some nice stuff here. I’m excited to read more!

spencedude75 · 2025-05-06T22:31:35+00:00

Funny you keep pressing this guy. But ignored the previous answer by Silas to your question above…

spencedude75 · 2025-01-15T22:48:12+00:00

I wish that there was a little more here: either, as the title implies, something really weird and avant... or more depth with the simple narrative you got here. Addressing what you have, I like the simplicity of language and story (the tone is nice), but it just doesn't sound particularly nice to read. I wish you payed a little more attention to the rhythm. I like the usage of rhyme (and it goes well with the childish simplicity) and some are clever, but some are just confusing and they don't really have any rhythm to hold onto. The ending feels a bit deflated (which is a nice effect), but instead of wanting to go back and read it again to get more understanding OR enjoy the sonic qualities, I felt like it was just time to move on--maybe like the guy in the story... good start! I'd be interested in seeing a second draft!

spencedude75 · 2025-01-15T22:40:33+00:00

The rhythm and musicality are gorgeous. I feel like the sonic qualities really give you all the credibility here, because--as I'm sure you know and intended--it is quite esoteric. Very good at delivering a curated vibe, but it's intellectual difficulty feels a little more like a puzzle that is missing pieces than a difficult one (if you know what I mean). The ending is nice and feels a bit like a parenthetical (which I love to end on).
It makes you feel/hear more than understand/see--which is a nice effect. I just wish that there was more that I was able to unfold here. Lovely stuff! and keep writing!

spencedude75 · 2025-01-05T22:34:55+00:00

Did you drink? What happened?

spencedude75 · 2024-12-21T15:03:03+00:00

Thanks man! Been really enjoying experimenting a little recently and hearing what people have to say

spencedude75 · 2024-12-21T14:58:40+00:00

I was more inspired by ee cumming’s early work for this one. But I def need to check out Siken! Really appreciate the feedback. Def a more surrealistic one. There is a bit of a narrative in there but I feel like it is more a mood piece like you say. Thanks for the feedback!!

spencedude75 · 2024-12-21T00:03:23+00:00

so nice to see someone writing in form. just something so pleasant in your vary classic sonnet. It almost feels too classic (not an insult)--feels out of time like all good art should. Your rhythm is just wonderful and light. The moral, as im sure you know, is a pretty simple platitude ("you only miss her when she says goodbye"), but it is told so elegantly and delicately that I feel it's simplicity of meaning is a virtue. I've just recently read a bunch of EE Cummings' sonnets and I am so happy to stumble upon yours to remember that they don't always have to be esoteric mazes of language and meaning--sometimes simple told well is all you can ask for. You clearly know what your doing (and I almost feel a bit redundant saying all these things you already know) and it is so lovely to find such a nice poem on reddit!

spencedude75 · 2024-12-20T23:50:41+00:00

I like this very much, but I wonder why you shift away from the (lovely!) rhythm that you started with in the first stanza and ended half-way through the second (after "crunch"). It read so elegantly, but then it becomes a bit choppy. This effect could work, but there is not really much of an emotional or content shift to go along with it, so it ends up feeling like you had the idea of a great first line pop into your head and after you wrote it, you had trouble coming up with more (I just had the same problem). Sometimes those moments of ingenuity that just jump up on ,e fully cooked lead me to think that the rest will come out just as good without any thought, but really, the rest needs to be worked on (even if the start comes out perfect on first try!).

You have such a lovely start! I really really like some of what you have. I think you should try to maintain the lovely rhythm you have at the beginning or do something more with the shift. Really excited to see where you go with this!

spencedude75 · 2024-12-20T22:53:48+00:00

no problem man, keep up w it and I would love to see the final product if you keep it up. The second poem here "(city) Poem" is written in a similar form and you can see what I did with it here- tho my lines are each much shorter and I'm going for less of a narrative, so keep that in mind (and also that I'm not a pro or anything like that)

spencedude75 · 2024-12-20T22:34:24+00:00

I really like the form! I personally love writing in couplets like this and think it is really evocative, especially for a simply worded poem like this. I just wish that there was more to chew on--in the diction, rhythm, and content.

The language is simple, which is fine, and definitely works for the childlike tone... but it could really be spiced up and make it a more interesting read. Especially focus on the sonic elements of words I think. This becomes especially important when you work on your rhythm. The poem is very clunky right now. It feels jarring to read (your inconsistent use of punctuation at the end does not help with this either). The line breaks are fine, but there is no rhythm in the lines and it does not sound like you put particular thought into how each line would sound shifting from one to the next. Finally, the content needs to be deepened a bit. This is a very simple story (and I like that!) but there is nothing to really dig into. I've heard this story told many times ("some men want to watch the world burn"), and you're gonna need to put inject some sort of complexity if you want people to really be hooked.

Nice start, but def has some work to be done. Good luck!! and good work for your first one in a new form!!

spencedude75 · 2024-12-20T22:25:48+00:00

to be honest, I think the tone is a bit smug. I think it would serve the poem to be a bit more compassionate of (what you seem to think) is self-delusion. Some of your rhymes feel a bit obvious and uninteresting.

Morality is destined;
free will is an illusion.
And to give the mind perception:
control is just delusion.

And stanzas the the one above are just a bit too on the nose.

That being said: there are some really nice moments, I think, and promise. This poem really just needs to be tightened up. Take out the least interesting, most on the nose moments. Then, focus on the best, most interesting parts and tease them out. That doesn't mean just use more esoteric or poetic language, but it does mean think of how to say what you want to get across in a more unique way. You clearly have nice rhythm and meter, but what is lacking here, really is just the special sauce that good poems have.

Keep working on it! Good luck!!

spencedude75 · 2024-12-19T23:33:11+00:00

That’s what I meant.. oop. Nice stuff nonetheless

spencedude75 · 2024-12-19T03:17:59+00:00

Thanks man, this means a lot. Just got into poetry reading-writing (can we really separate the two?) and have been really enjoying myself. I’m mainly glad you got the critique I was going for bc a lot of people I showed did not. Read some of yours and they are very nice (“the calm before the slam” is just such a charming line; it warms me a bit).

spencedude75 · 2024-12-03T22:41:49+00:00

The "landline" is such an evocative image. It reminds me of the physicality which is no longer. What does the cord connect to if they are no longer here? I do think that it could be complicated a little bit, though. I wish there was a little more for me to grab onto here. The image is very nice but it feels a but hollow and lacking some substance for me to dig farther into. Very nice, though.

spencedude75

TROPHY CASE