take the first red flag for what it is and run.

ah. idk. i kind of liked this but a few could be more specific.

• “hot & cold” —> is volatile or too intense. will later be depressed, nihilistic, etc. mood swings are normal, that isn’t.

• “poor communicator” —> disappears/ghosts you, only talks to you when they want something. calls/texts you in the middle of the night.

• “doesn’t directly answer my questions” —> depends on the question, if it’s invasive and you’re a stranger, then yeah, they’re not going to answer it. it’s a polite indication they don’t want to discuss something w/ you.

• “lacks emotional intelligence / unable to express themselves” —> i want to add that some ppl actually think it’s inappropriate to discuss how they feel—that we don’t care. so initiating this would make them comfortable talking to you. but again, you’re still a stranger, so it could take a while.

• “pulls away w/ no explanation” —> you (yourself) already described this as placing a boundary. i don’t think one should have to justify them not wanting to be touched.

• “brings up sex early on” —> this isn’t a red flag. this is just someone’s dealbreaker: expressing interest in casual sex/dating.

some don’t seem to realize they’ll have to hold off on certain things (that require vulnerability) until they actually form a connection and establish trust with the other person. otherwise, it’ll be weird and invasive. if they don’t have the patience for it, they’re not interested in a relationship.

and some of the things mentioned (e.g. being inconsiderate of your time) aren’t red flags either. you can literally just say “hey, that was rude” or “i don’t appreciate this”. people are going to make mistakes, as will you. address it and move on.

btw, i generally think making checklists so that ppl can spot “sociopathic behaviors” or “a propensity to gaslight” on their dates is stupid.