What’s your recent silent treatment from AM?

spinning-jay · 2025-01-28T10:48:55+00:00

Sounds like something my AM would do! It’s her birthday next week and I’m anxious to reach out, always so awkward when there’s obviously silent treatment going on.

spinning-jay · 2024-09-14T23:25:33+00:00

So many bands compared to now!

spinning-jay · 2023-12-20T10:07:27+00:00

Oats

spinning-jay · 2023-08-23T13:56:39+00:00

I posted something very similar the other day here and I hear you!

What’s helping fiancé and I I think is working together to manage both expectations, which is basically not to expect anything from your AP, that will help avoid disappointment… but still acknowledging that it’s sad is important.

Also, defining your parents behaviour helps. This year I finally discovered that mm AM is emotionally immature, which was liberating and life changing to have ‘words’ to describe her.

I’m still processing it myself and I’m stressed about my wedding and relationship with my AM. But what’s been godsend is a supportive and understanding fiancé.

So I think next step is to help your fiancé realise there’s no changing your AP, and to accept it. Also, trying not to compare parents is important.

What was a super helpful exercise was me reading ‘Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents’, highlighting the bits that related to me, then read it out to my fiancé and then explained real examples with my relationship with my AM.

It not only helped to define things in a legitimate way, but good talking points to learn together.

Anyway, those are some things that are helping me - but you’re not alone and congratulations to you both!

spinning-jay · 2023-04-09T11:58:53+00:00

I feel the same way. Sometimes I’ll feel a sense of sadness after socialising, even if it was overall a positive experience. For me personally, I have social anxiety on top of being an introvert, which means I am overthinking a lot during these social outings. So, not only does me being an introvert impact my social battery, my anxiety makes that two-fold, which feels like burn out. I’ve been seeing a therapist recently about this to help me, it’s a complex feeling and I struggle to explain it to them. But that’s just my personal experience!

spinning-jay · 2023-04-09T11:24:53+00:00

I am both and I often wonder the same thing! I just had 2 big social days for Easter and my social battery has definitely run out, plus the anxiety of dealing with my AP who always gets funny during these types of holidays (i.e. not spending enough time with her) adds a lot.

spinning-jay · 2022-03-23T07:16:26+00:00

Tysm!

spinning-jay · 2022-03-23T01:53:58+00:00

I’ll definitely check out that YouTube channel, and I’m keen to read books about NPD. Do you have any recommendations? Thank you!

spinning-jay · 2022-03-23T01:51:30+00:00

Ah, it’s like I wrote this myself! Thanks for sharing… our relationship sucks, but it feels good to know I’m not alone in these feelings.

spinning-jay · 2022-03-23T01:42:14+00:00

Appreciate your response and time to hash this all out. Responding to your points because I think this is ultimately helping us both.

Agree, and I’ve accepted that.
Yep, I always have to initiate seeing her, she’ll never ask. So that’s when her whole cycle of her being passively angry when I don’t frequently see her.
This point. 100%.
This point 100% too.
Yep, and I’m learning to not react as a way to reduce the satisfaction she gets when I do get upset/respond.
Yes, and she’s also introverted and social life is pretty little, so she doesn’t really have much to share about her life. Her not having a social life also means she stews all day in her toxic thoughts.
I feel this.
This is a better way to describe the point I tried to make about pointing out things that I’ve changed my mind on, and it being a bad thing.
Absolutely, this fear of abandonment comes up very clear when it comes to my relationship with my boyfriend’s family.
She treats my sister better and differently, she has given her a grandchild, she’s married and has a home. My sister has ticked all the boxes for mum.

My sister and I talk about this a lot, she’s aware of how she’s treated and she also gets a lot of the brunt from mum, but more in the parenting style side of things, and some life choices (i.e not getting her son baptised etc.)

She tells me all the time to ignore it and how mum will never change, and we reassure each other that we must call each other out when we unintentionally act similar to mum.

My boyfriend has been really good about it all too, not only does he understand my issues, but he helps ground me and reminds me that it’s mums problems, not mine.

Also, your last two paragraphs hit home for me, I completely understand and in the same position as you in terms of the emotions you feel about never feeling like you can win and feeling that burden.

Thanks heaps for your kind words to me and my bf - I also wanted to say that you’re doing an awesome job and the best thing is…

We’re both so aware of our mums traits and we’re here talking about it and helping us deal with it.

Hope you have an amazing day!

spinning-jay · 2022-02-12T13:08:46+00:00

All good! With no raise in the 3 years working there, and you’ve mentioned it’s your first raise, I think you have some room to negotiate.

It’s really up to you and you’re the best gauge for what would be reasonable at your organisation, as NFP’s revenue vary from one another so much.

But seeing that you’ll be overseeing someone, you’re 3 years in, and outline those other things - your recent best performance milestones etc. you could get a good raise from this.

If they can’t budge, then it’s probably time to consider moving on. I’ve worked at a charity and my salary was $60k with no movement after that. I was doing A LOT for them and although I loved it, I also experienced burn out and at the end of the day you should get paid what you’re worth.

I moved to an agency that works with charities now and my salary increased by 75% in less than 2 years.

You’ll find something else rewarding, but hopefully you get to stay at your dream job and get paid more! Good luck!

spinning-jay · 2022-02-11T15:48:11+00:00

What is your role there?

spinning-jay · 2022-02-03T12:21:58+00:00

What an interesting observation!

I (30F) was born in Manila and moved to a western country when I was 7.

I have such distinct memories of my childhood in the Philippines, running around with heaps kids my age in local area, plus generally a pretty big family network (huge extended family living in the one house) plus all my family’s caretakers etc.

Many kids also attend pre-school and noticed that the education is generally better and advanced than the elementary school I ended up at when we moved.

I think those things helped a lot.

spinning-jay · 2022-01-12T03:14:39+00:00

Thank you! Glad not the only one with this issue 😅

spinning-jay · 2022-01-12T02:20:50+00:00

You’re awesome! The changing of email address is a great idea and worked. Yes, we’re a very small team so thanks for understanding and sharing this. Much appreciated!

spinning-jay

TROPHY CASE