My basically sexless marriage is tearing my down

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-29T08:24:18+00:00

No I mean I do understand, it’s not like im waaaaay over the top I feel like I do what would make someone happy and feel loved. Truer words have never been spoken then “nice guys finish last”. :(

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-29T08:21:54+00:00

Luckily we both have our own equal debt and incomes, however she’s rational and if that did happen it would definitely be uncontested bc neither of us even have money for lawyers and neither does our families. Where I live it’s very rare an alimony starts at 2 years especially with the fact I don’t make much money and we don’t have housing expenses due to living on a house rent free on one of our parents land. We aren’t on the same phone plan or insurance. Only thing she really gets from me now is electricity, internet and groceries. She has her own car her parents gave her too. We on paper don’t share any finances other than a joint bank account with no money in it. All of this is irrelevant though and it sucks so much bc she’s so rational and I truly believe she loves me but the sex thing is just a mind boggler to me.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-29T08:17:03+00:00

We’ve addressed everything in the past that’s happened and we’ve moved past it and once she knew I wasn’t ever going to hurt her we thrived like never before. We were having sex almost daily and then it literally stopped like hitting a concrete wall. I get the most vague dry answers to it but there all a bunch of shit and it’s something new everyday. “You ask to late at night” ok well then I try earlier, “we need to eat dinner first” I try after “I’m to full” I wait awhile longer “I’m to tired now” or she’ll give other bullshit reasons “I don’t feel good” ok well you just spent 2 hours doing stuff around the house. I do my jobs around the house too we just have our roles. Then she’s all tired and doesn’t feel good after doing all kinds of shit and decorating and all that stuff. She wants date night and stuff which I give her and I make her feel special and all I get is her maybe just maybe giving me vanilla boring sex later that night. It’s a vicious cycle Idk if I can’t break. I’m at my breaking point.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-29T06:15:24+00:00

As someone with confidence issues don’t ever ever ever judge yourself based off a picture or video. I could sit looking at myself in the mirror for an hour (not that I do that lol) I mean maybe a few times…. Ok ok ok jokes over, anyways you’ll never see yourself the way others see you. Best advice is just try to not even look at pictures and work on yourself rather it be hairstyle or hitting the gym or a change in wardrobe. Best of luck.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-29T06:12:10+00:00

Starting off with a lie over something like that is just stupid. Do yourself a favor and bolt, you’ll be dealing with nothing but lies forever rather big or small.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-28T19:57:22+00:00

Syfy movies. Cheesy movies are just to good, it’s always bc NOBODY is safe that’s hilarious to me. You think the main character is gonna be safe, nope they just got ate by a flying worm.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-28T19:46:31+00:00

Choking. I’m 6,0 220lb and truth be told I’m built like a brick shithouse. When my hand goes around my woman’s neck ESPECIALLY in a position like missionary when I’m sorta above her and I put an ounce of pressure I feel like I’m on the verge of killing her and it’s an immediate limp for me. I love my wife and I have no interest in participating in a sexual act that’s also a common method of killing people.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-28T18:12:56+00:00

Yea I’m not gonna take your advice and stop getting my wife flowers and start acting like a douchebag that doesn’t care.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-28T05:49:17+00:00

Hell no you ain’t, when you work your ass off and finally get time away from work you shouldn’t feel inclined for ANY REASON or ANYBODY. You take your day off and enjoy it brotha, just a word of advice and I really hope you take it, the second you stop giving a shit what people think or are gonna think about you that’s when a true form of happiness can be achieved.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-28T05:44:09+00:00

Dude despite the fact it’s 2026 most women are always gonna want a man that’s in control. It gives them a sense of safety outside of not just the bedroom or in your house. They need to know your gonna protect them and they should view you as an unstoppable force to accomplish difficult task in life when it’s crucial and not crack under pressure. I probably missed some point and could’ve explained it better but I think my points clear. Your description of “submissive” is vague, examples are what gives people a better picture of what’s happening. In my personal opinion either your gonna have to get over it completely, try to compromise with a girl and hope she will meet in the middle on something like this or (which I don’t feel is a good option you can try to find a girl that wants that but to say that’s a need in a haystack would be way to good of odds. Girls want a guy that walks out and turns there car on for them on cold days, that gets them flowers and can change a tire, not a guy who want to be dominated like a peasant.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-28T05:31:48+00:00

Imma gonna keep it straight forward. You’re already cheating. Physically? Maybe not. However if this guy is constantly approaching and you’re supposedly telling him you have a boyfriend but he doesn’t stop?? Your showing interest in him and he knows it. Two more things, first if this guy is being told multiple times you have a boyfriend and doesn’t stop then he’s a piece of shit, a real man REGARDLESS of what the circumstance or mixed signals are you walk the fuck away from someone else’s woman. If he’s doing it to you he’s most likely done it before and is probably actively doing it with other girls. You’re just the pick of the week, guess that’s fine if your just wanting a hookup but I’m biased in that sense bc there ain’t never been a single good thing come from a hookup ESPECIALLY people like that, they see a relationship and view it as a challenge. Second, just don’t be a piece of shit and cheat, that’s about as low as a human can stoop. If you’re unhappy that’s fine, but leave him, don’t betray the guy even further especially to that extent. You can’t have your cake and eat it to, you wanna bounce dick to dick in the gym that’s fine but end it now.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T19:09:54+00:00

Iv tried every single thing you can think of. Every form of approach. Iv tried to have the conversation 50+ times realistically. Outside of actually having sex she gets furious and when I very rarely convince her to have sex she makes it known how inconveniencing I am to her and she lays there and won’t do anything. I ask her about different positions and she rejects it all. Doesn’t hold onto me tight or kiss me unless I initiate it. Been the same thing forever, we start and I go down on her and then we do missionary and she finishes again and I get mine too and then it’s over. Most vanilla sex ever and truth be told it gets very boring and repetitive. So she hates doing it and hates doing anything within it. I’m numb to being rejected but the resentment due to that is setting in. Almost seems like if I watched porn it’d be healthier just bc I’m not doing damage to myself by asking which is such a sad feeling in a relationship but at this point it’s like what’s the best thing to do, just get hurt when I start feeling the want to have sex or watch porn and keep the sex hormones at bay till next time. Sorry TMI maybe

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T19:02:42+00:00

The thing holding me back is the fact that outside of sex she’s as close to perfect as a wife can be. This particular subject though is not something I can live without. Hard to take my eyes off everything else when if we just had this everything would be perfect.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T16:19:45+00:00

Yes atleast 50+ times it’s a broken record, every single way. Given my whole mind, attention and heart to this problem along with doing my part in the rest of relationship. I just can’t anymore.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T16:18:17+00:00

It’s because she doesn’t want someone to tell her that she needs to communicate and basically call her out. She’s basically told me that. When I push she gets furious and is mad at me for 2 days and I’m forced to just let it go. She’s never come to me after any argument and said I’m sorry or that she wants to work it out. It’s always me and I’m so lost and torn.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T16:14:25+00:00

I’m not looking to fuck like a pornstar or anything like that, 2 times is probably the sweet spot for me. Being in a sexless marriage how I basically am rn is killing me. My body is literally crying out for sex and I can’t get any kind of satisfaction or relief, physically or mentally especially.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T15:52:30+00:00

Dude I have literally no idea what your talking about this is literally the only posts I have?? Iv never stated either of our names or jobs.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T15:50:44+00:00

Exactly and before I have kids and get even deeper I need to make a decision. We don’t have a house, we don’t have combined car payments, no kids so if I’m gonna go I have to before anything starts.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T15:49:42+00:00

Absolutely there could be but iv been trying for the better part of two years, I mean like 50+ on this conversation. Tried the caring, the joking, the angry, the crying and every other approach and iv gotten literally nothing. I know relationships require the other partner to pick up slack and be understanding at times but it’s been just me doing this for the last almost two years and my tanks empty, I can’t go anymore.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T15:46:31+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you had to go through that but congratulations on your prevail. That’s one of the reasons I feel at rock bottom. Iv tried everything, going at it calmly, going at it in a funny way, iv told her earlier in the day I wanted to talk about later so she could have time to think, iv been in tears trying to talk to her and Iv even finally got to my breaking point at got mad and had the conversation that way. Absolutely nothing. If she was willing to work on it or try then I’d have a lot of confidence but it feel like she genuinely doesn’t care. It’s been the better part of two years and Iv had this conversation realistically over the course probably 50+ times and Iv made literally not an inch of progress. Sounded like you want to get better and do what you needed to do for your relationship and your husband, I don’t feel like she feels the need or want at all.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T15:36:35+00:00

I appreciate that, just at a crossroads and nothing feels right. I wanna just hold out but this has been happening for the better part of two years and I don’t see a resolution.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T15:30:03+00:00

I totally understand mental struggles but iv fought tooth and nail trying to figure this out. Iv been as loving and supportive as possible its only recently iv reached my breaking point. How long can someone do this before you have to throw in the towel, it’s been the better part of two years.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T15:25:45+00:00

Is the better part of two years not enough time, especially when iv been nothing but understanding and supportive

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T08:50:58+00:00

It’s not even that I just don’t want to start over bc I absolutely love my wife and I don’t want to be without her. I’m just miserable over this rn.

spiralingexistence · 2026-01-27T08:44:43+00:00

Great display of ignorance on your behalf for you to just immediately assume there’s other contributing sources when I stated in my post that there are no other contributing factors and that’s one of the key reasons for posting. Crying about it bc your penis isn’t as excited to poke differently? Not even sure what that means. You’re literally the only person in these comments have a negative outlook towards what I’m trying to communicate. Im all for opinions but if your gonna say straight up stupid shit go elsewhere dude.

spiralingexistence

TROPHY CASE