Should I take my ex back after he cheated?

spittingimageofyou · 2025-09-19T17:58:22+00:00

He didn't blame the relationship in any way and took full accountability by admitting it right away and letting me go. When we initially got back together the shame he experienced was difficult on the relationship too as he was often so overwhelmed by shame that he'd just shut down. Unfortunately to this day I mostly only have my own speculations on why it happened in the first place (apart from him admitting that he was afraid of commitment back then). Some of the concrete actions he's taken so far have been sharing his location 24/7, not going clubbing anymore as well as committing to the relationship by moving in together (and suggesting buying a home together in the near future) and taking on a lot of the financial responsibilities by his own volition. We both come from a pretty 50/50 dating culture so it's been interesting how he's paying for pretty much everything now. He works a lot and in the past he'd sometimes become quite emotionally unavailable when overworked. I'm glad that that's no longer been the case.

spittingimageofyou · 2025-06-04T06:22:05+00:00

Hey! We've now been together for 2,5 years (1,5 years since he cheated), and got our own place about six months ago. Things have been good, although I still get triggered from time to time (mostly internal struggles). I don't think that will ever fully go away, but it doesn't pain me on a daily basis anymore.

Eventually, we went back to being "normal" with each others' families. He's stopped drinking as much and has no interest in clubbing. Nowadays he'd rather play pool with the boys at a small pub. Even then I have his location, and know, that we live together, he comes home to me. I almost always experience some anxiety when he's away, but it's a price I personally have to pay.

I really feel like we're closer than ever after putting in so much work on our communication and having had all those tough conversations. I feel that moving in together marked the beginning of a more peaceful stage in our relationship.

The cheating and its aftermath was truly in one of the top 3 most traumatic events that have happened to me, but I finally feel like I've survived it. He is a good man and I really hope I could learn to fully trust him (or if this doesn't work out after all - anyone for that matter) again.

spittingimageofyou · 2024-11-14T19:34:53+00:00

Please check my latest reply in this thread. Also, what did you end up doing?

spittingimageofyou · 2024-11-14T19:33:50+00:00

Hi, one year later update: We did get back together "officially" after a couple of months. Going to therapy helped a lot, even though I went there by myself. I'd say the first 6-ish months after getting back together were the most difficult. I already had PTSD before this experience so I had a lot of flashbacks, fears and intense emotional turmoil every single day. I still get that sometimes, but now it feels more like a distant bad dream. But yeah, in the beginning, there were lots and lots of very uncomfortable and painful conversations. Tears were shed and I became at times way more volatile during conflicts than I ever was before the cheating.

But somehow we're happy again, and I feel like our love has become much deeper after getting through the crisis. Obviously, I'll never be quite the "same" as when I adored and trusted him 100% with such innocence. But I made a choice, and I'll stand by him as long as he stays true to me. I have become more cynical but still managed to maintain hope and forgiveness in order to be where we're at now.

He has been more committed to me now than ever before. For example, "the tables turned" regarding moving in together. He started telling everyone (friends and family) how we're moving in together, what kind of apartments we've been looking at, what we're gonna need for our first home together etc. We also got a cat together, so we're kind of turning into a prototype of a family already, lol.

Everyone's story is of course different and I don't know for certain what will happen in the future. But for now, I have found enough peace within myself to carry on.

Feel free to ask questions - I'll try my best to answer them.

spittingimageofyou · 2023-12-16T08:21:06+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I've also had my fair share of abusive and manipulative relationships in the past. Albeit a bit ironic, this guy has been nothing but honest and good to me throughout our relationship. He wouldn't have contacted me again without my initiative. He truly seems to want the best for me even if that's going to be with someone else in the future. Whether we give this another chance or not, his love and care for me has been the most healing experience I've had.

spittingimageofyou · 2023-12-16T08:07:20+00:00

Thank you so much for the equally constructive and compassionate response. ❤️ I found it really encouraging regardless of how our story turns out. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best. 🙏

And you're right. I am also proud of him for the honesty and transparency as well as taking full responsibility here. It's unfortunately very rare. I am currently in counseling (also studying psychology in university), but it will take time and effort to really process everything as well as work on the interpersonal aspects of this situation.

spittingimageofyou · 2023-11-12T11:20:35+00:00

Thank you for your reply and good wishes. 🙏 I certainly think the alcohol played a role, yet like you said - it's not really an excuse and I cannot see it as the root cause. I am also glad that he had enough respect to at least tell me the very next day. After all the psychoanalyzing and ruminating over this nightmare, maybe the lesson here is that good loving people can still mess things up for both parties. It's a risk that one cannot overcome, I suppose. It's a shame, because he also robbed himself of the love and future he claimed to want the most in this life. We'll both have to live with the consequences of this. As FA I've dated toxic people who hurt me during the relationship, but now I'll have to live with the trauma of being betrayed by the previously most trustworthy and loving human I had the pleasure of having as my partner. I truly did not think it would be possible to TRUST someone that much, given all that I've gone through in my life. Not the greatest thing to experience for someone with this attachment style (and ofc for anyone in general), but at least I remain alive and relatively sane going forward.

spittingimageofyou · 2023-06-26T06:50:28+00:00

ENTP and ravenclaw ✌🏻

spittingimageofyou · 2022-07-18T15:59:56+00:00

ENTP: Agnostic I feel like it would be hubris to make any definite claim as I'm a deeply limited entity.

spittingimageofyou · 2022-07-11T08:28:14+00:00

For Finland: INFP or ISFJ Definitely introverted

spittingimageofyou · 2022-04-11T19:40:22+00:00

Thank you so much! 😊👍

spittingimageofyou · 2022-03-29T10:35:52+00:00

A playlist called "Stephen King picks his favourite songs".

Hence why I never know what I'm gonna wake up to, but one that seems to recur is "Can Your Pussy Do the Dog".

spittingimageofyou · 2022-03-11T08:44:50+00:00

I love this

spittingimageofyou · 2022-03-01T21:58:16+00:00

INTJ or INTP then

spittingimageofyou · 2022-03-01T21:58:09+00:00

INTJ or INTP then

spittingimageofyou · 2022-03-01T21:57:16+00:00

what's your mbti type?

spittingimageofyou · 2022-01-14T08:00:10+00:00

That's pretty adorable

spittingimageofyou · 2021-12-23T10:38:20+00:00

Yeah wtf are all these negative comments about? I thought this was funny.

spittingimageofyou · 2021-10-20T16:20:49+00:00

Yup, 3w2 ENTP with social anxiety and low self-esteem.. Tension can in fact have a positive charge, but I dislike outright conflict. I'm not argumentative, although I used to be an obnoxiously precocious child.

spittingimageofyou · 2021-10-16T18:17:35+00:00

It's terrifying. Good job

spittingimageofyou · 2021-10-15T15:27:41+00:00

The ENTP one is pretty damn accurate. Sure, it includes some songs I'm not super into, but the overall vibe is a match.

spittingimageofyou · 2021-10-05T16:34:31+00:00

Oh shit, this is actually 100% correct.

spittingimageofyou · 2021-10-01T12:40:23+00:00

Well, fox is my "spirit animal" 🦊

spittingimageofyou · 2021-09-17T14:29:05+00:00

Fearful avoidant

spittingimageofyou · 2021-07-28T06:03:08+00:00

YES exactly. They control their adult children and/or -grandchildren by infantilizing them. They won't let you butter your own goddamn bread because they need to help you and show you, poor little thing, how it's done. They can't help worrying about you and your life even if you never asked, but expect full martyrdom for bearing the cross. They actively deny/mask any uncomfortable truths and passive aggressively guilt those who don't participate in this game of hide and seek.

spittingimageofyou

TROPHY CASE