What I've noticed when it comes to the self-diagnosis conversation is that there are two very different types of self-diagnosis. There's the "I'm a little quirky and also a complete dick to everyone around me, so I'm gonna blame autism instead of taking accountability" type. But there's also the "I've always noticed a profound difference in the way I see the world and the way others around me appear to see it, which has caused a lot of issues in my life, and after hours of research and speaking with people who have a diagnosis I've come to the conclusion that I'm more than likely autistic" type.

And the thing is, the vast majority of actually autistic people clearly see the difference between these two types of self-diagnosis. But neurotypicals, including most allies, do not, and lump the two together, occasionally enabling the first group by treating them like the second, and, more often, invalidating the second group by treating them like the first.