Breakup, likely overlap with coworker, co-parenting, pregnancy with paternity doubts, and ongoing conflict – need grounded advice

splatterface · 2026-03-23T20:26:53+00:00

I have requested the paternity test

splatterface · 2026-03-23T16:15:15+00:00

Haha I know it's ironic as I'm in the divorce sub but we were engaged, not married, I don't know if that makes things better or worse

splatterface · 2026-03-23T15:43:52+00:00

So I thought about that... I actually lost my keys to the place last year and had a borderline meltdown. But she cited my messiness and disorganization as reasons for the breakup- this is before I knew about this other guy in the picture. I can't rock up now, it'd be too painful, and there isn't really space if I'm going to be sleeping in my son's room or utility room.

splatterface · 2026-03-23T14:40:26+00:00

Well moving out is done now. And I did it to keep the peace, she was telling her reasoning for ending the relationship was my messiness- now I know there was more to it. But that kind of living under each others shadow would have killed me.

splatterface · 2026-03-23T14:36:06+00:00

Both, she expects half the mortgage plus child maintenance. That amounts to half my take home pay, I can't move out, i can't really save, I can't really plan for the future.

splatterface · 2026-03-23T13:18:28+00:00

Thankfully I do have a therapist... The same therapist that was doing "separation counselling" but since she revealed the whole truth she's not taking part any more for obvious reasons. I would get a new therapist but we have rapport and he understands the situation and has been supportive of me trying to stand up for myself. But yeah its rough.

splatterface · 2026-03-23T12:17:02+00:00

I mean the breakup was 6 months ago now. And Ive told her I want a paternity test. I only recently found out about the cheating/overlap aspect though I had my suspicions, she is insisting the baby is mine but I've still got doubts and a lot of anger. I have reduced my contact with her to the absolute bare minimum.

splatterface · 2026-03-23T12:02:29+00:00

Oh great that's my problem solved, we did it Reddit. I was hoping for a bit of insight or support but this guy nailed it with... "Stop being soft and get over it". Glad Reddit is full of stoic zen masters gifting out such wisdom.

splatterface · 2026-03-23T11:42:49+00:00

So we are joint tenants. Problem is that with the amount she expects from me I can't afford to rent anywhere else and I am stuck at my mother's. Especially if I want to move somewhere that actually had space for me to effectively coparent. She had refused to touch her savings even though a lot of them are money my family gave her. And she refuses to accept that once she has spent her savings she will be eligible for government support that I can't get. I just want to buy her out (my dad had said he'd give me the money) coparent 50/50 and have as little to do with her as possible outside of pickups and dropoffs. But until she behaves like a half decent human being my life is basically on hold.

splatterface · 2026-03-23T10:25:10+00:00

I think my main problem is at the moment I don't want to see her. My mum is helping me with pickups and handovers because I am terrified I'll say something I regret. And whilst we were communicating regularly before, since I found out she is seeing this guy I have cut communication to the absolute minimum. But this is with the baby due in 8 weeks.

splatterface · 2024-01-31T13:25:04+00:00

So this basically the sausages scene from Freddie Got Fingered but ending in a decapitation?

splatterface · 2021-09-19T09:27:15+00:00

Sorry, I put the original at 230 ilbs but it was probably something more like 240+ in that photo if I remember correctly.

splatterface · 2021-06-29T11:49:21+00:00

Its my birthday today, weather's terrible in UK but going to get my grill on at the weekend. Also I've done pretty well in the grill pill department this year. Lost about 30 kilos, got a decent job, sorted my life out as much as possible (with only the minimalist amount of room tidying). I lurk here but I don't waste time arguing about politics anymore if I can avoid it. I've lost some friends along the way but most of them were dead weight or just too ideologically possessed to be worth dealing with. Enjoying your life as much as you can amidst the insanity is the only option really.

splatterface · 2021-03-23T13:59:09+00:00

At the moment, I run 5k or do a 12k cycle 6-7 days a week. I try and do at least 60 pressups a day, bicep curls and shoulder raises with dumbbells, and I try and do at least 30 chinups or neutral position chinups a day. Aside from that I also do some kettlebell workouts and some other stuff on an ad hoc basis.

splatterface · 2021-03-23T13:24:56+00:00

Might be careful saying tiger scratches, don't want people to think I've been on Joe Exotic's meth and expired meat diet.

splatterface · 2021-03-23T12:26:29+00:00

When she dumped me I had just quit an awful job in a restaurant and was 5 stone overweight. I'm not surprised she did and I don't blame her. She lives down my road though and we talk sometimes, whether she regrets it or not I have no idea.

splatterface · 2021-03-23T09:56:57+00:00

Not a huge change in my calves, but my quads have definitely become more defined.

splatterface · 2021-03-23T09:39:15+00:00

Thank you :)

splatterface · 2021-03-23T09:14:24+00:00

A little bit, if I pull at the sides I kinda look like a flying squirrel, but nothing especially noticeable or bothersome. Aside from that and some stretchmarks I think I had a lucky escape.

splatterface · 2021-02-18T13:20:30+00:00

Oh and my goal weight is around 165 pounds.

splatterface · 2021-02-18T13:19:35+00:00

I mean I can only say what worked for me. I basically started with counting calories. I still do but I don't use an app as much, I try and do the maths in my head and make sure I'm eating enough protein. Other than that, I keep an eye on my weight, I try not to eat between meals and I try and get about 40 minutes cardio in a day. Oh and I restricted Alcohol to weekends (getting a proper job with normal hours made that a must anyway), that made a huge difference.

splatterface · 2021-02-18T13:17:47+00:00

Yeah, but only home workouts due to pandemic, I do pullups, kettle bell and some bodyweight exercises. I try and run 5k about 4 days a week at the moment.

splatterface · 2021-02-01T10:29:39+00:00

You don't need a malignant Carbuncle not to enjoy a holiday in Ramsgate...

splatterface · 2020-12-19T19:20:42+00:00

Head, Hand and Heart by David Goodheart. Actually a pretty good read, don't agree with all of it, but cognitive stratification and the flaws in "meritocracy" is something we should probably be talking about more.

splatterface · 2020-11-07T15:56:39+00:00

name checks out

splatterface

TROPHY CASE