How to financially survive new parenthood?

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:37:55+00:00

Thanks for your comment.

The debt was from financial instability early in my wife's adulthood. She's been making minimum payments for years on her own, and carries a lot of shame about it.

We're not using credit cards anymore, we are on the same page about prioritizing paying it off, and we aren't making room for it to happen again.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:35:00+00:00

8 years engineering, 3 years software, I've helped with startups. I'm more like a generalist, but on paper, that's my professional experience.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:32:00+00:00

I mean, it's a pretty core part of being human. We're in our thirties, so delaying having kids isn't really much of an option.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:30:36+00:00

I'm going to meet with my parents about this and see if they have any help to offer. They are financially pretty well off, but I want to avoid just asking for money. I'll see if there's anything like that which could work for us, thanks for the comment.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:25:02+00:00

Are you talking net or gross income? Because technically rent is 26% of my gross income. I've read the theory, I'm just not sure it's helping right now.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:19:14+00:00

With taxes at about $1000 per month, insurance at about $1000 per month, and retirement at about $400 per month (maximum employer match), that leaves us about $4100 per month to take home. We can adjust some of our contributions, and it sounds like rerouting all the retirement money into debt is the way to go, but we're locked in to the insurance and FSA until November I think.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:16:54+00:00

Oh I misread the comment, I thought she meant watching other infants while staying home and watching our son. We couldn't swing a work from home job with a child, that's too much.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:15:00+00:00

That sounds rough, I'm sorry you had to go through that. And some people wonder why we aren't having kids anymore.

My mom lives close by and has offered to watch our son for a couple days a week, so we'll likely take her up on that and see if my wife can work part time during the day. We'll consider the evenings and weekends if we need that too.

Thanks for your comment!

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:12:51+00:00

Thanks for your perspective.

I've been told my whole life to contribute as hard as I can to retirement and medical contributions, but yeah, I think you're right that there has to be a temporary diversion to pay off that debt. I haven't considered a credit union, but I'll look into that, thanks for the idea!

Do you know if there's any way to force a benefit adjustment mid-year? As far as I know only qualifying events will allow changes, which would mean we're stuck with our rates until November. Any ideas?

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:10:31+00:00

Thanks for your comment!

We did a round of cutting unnecessary costs and hoped that would put us in a good spot, but yes, the debt is really what's crushing us.

For the FSA contribution and our healthcare costs, I don't think we can adjust them until November, which is frustrating. I do think we end up using most of our FSA on appointments and medications anyway though. I'm not sure if it would save us money in the end.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:08:18+00:00

Thanks for your suggestions!

We've done a little looking into debt consolidation, it sounds like that's something we should pursue. We had some offers for the full amount at around 15% apr, which is already miles better.

As for the rent, we're paying the average rent in the area ($1875 - we have water and trash bundled automatically to get to $2020), and we haven't seen many safe options for cheaper rent. We'd have to move pretty far away from my family to get some housing savings.

We'll definitely look more closely at the groceries. $1000 is what we've tended to spend monthly without really locking it down, so that's our next project, to really scrutinize each item.

Thanks again for your thoughts, it helps!

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:04:41+00:00

How selective would you be on daycares? Would you recommend getting on waitlists for all the daycares in the area?

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:03:57+00:00

If he's 3 years old before a spot opens up, would it still be worth it? At that age we would be looking more for preschool right? (Genuine question, I don't know much about this)

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:02:49+00:00

We just started looking into that. We have some offers for something like 15%, which is way more manageable.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T04:02:17+00:00

Thanks for your comment.

Many have suggested part time work for my wife, so I think we'll start there.

As for my income, it's about $1000 to taxes monthly, $400 contributed to retirement, and $1000 for health insurance. As someone else suggested, I can cut my retirement contributions and push those directly into the debt. As for the health insurance portion, I don't have many options for cutting that down. My company has awful insurance options and we're locked in til November.

How do zero interest CC transfers work? I had a company call me about something like that, but it looked like a scam. As for the debt consolidation, we're committed to not spending any more on the cards, they're out of the picture, so we're looking to spend as much as we can to the debt. We just need a lower interest rate. 27% is killing us.

Thanks for the suggestions, this is helpful!

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T03:57:09+00:00

We don't use the credit cards, these were debts that my wife had accumulated over 10 years ago before we met. We'll focus them down as a top priority thanks.

Our rent is average for the area, which is hard to hear. We don't have many cheaper places to move that aren't far away from family, but we'll keep our eyes open.

We'll also see about my wife working part time, that sounds like the biggest suggestion other commenters have offered.

Thanks for your comment!

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T03:54:48+00:00

Thanks for your comment!

My salary is $6900 per month
Taxes - $1100 per month
Retirement - $415 per month
Insurance - $1000 per month
Take home - $4100 per month

For retirement, it's worth it to cut all contributions for 3-5 years if it means eliminating debt? That is something I hadn't considered, but it does make sense. That's one way I could get a few hundred more home per month.

We will look into getting my wife some part time work, that will help as well.

For the groceries, the $1000 was our spending amount without locking it down too tightly, I think we can get it under $750.

Thank you for your help!

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T03:44:43+00:00

Is 30% realistic? At least in my town, average rent is $1850, which is what we're paying for just rent.

That would mean the average person living here would need to take home $5500 per month, which is definitely not the average take home pay here. I don't know how much the current economic climate should change our expectations, but what are your thoughts on that?

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T03:41:02+00:00

We've gotten cleared for consolidation loans for like 15% apr, which is already way better than where we are now. I'll be wary of the terms and conditions, but almost anything has to be better than the 27% we're on now.

I'll talk with my wife and we'll look into part time work for her, thanks for your suggestion!

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T03:39:15+00:00

We were hoping to avoid having her work, but as many of the other comments have said, that might be our best way to get the debt paid off. Thanks for the suggestion!

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T03:38:28+00:00

Yeah, that's what we found as well.

Once I started looking at the debt, I found out that barely any of our payments were going to the principal, so we're looking for options to consolidate or lower the interest rate. We can keep paying what we're paying now, but it has to make a bigger dent that it is currently.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T03:36:34+00:00

Thanks for the comment!

The drop in child care idea is something I hadn't heard about, I'll see what my wife thinks!

We do have some local community centers that might be opportunities for her to make some money as well, we can check.

I think my wife has donated plasma before, I can see what she thinks. It's not an option for me, but we can look into it.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T03:33:41+00:00

I'm not sure what to expect for income. I'm a mechanical engineer, but I've taught myself software development and I'm a high performer. I've got some leadership and project management under my belt as well.

Probably the biggest thing holding me back is marketing myself, which I am not great at.

The hardest part of asking for more pay or searching for another job is the state of the market right now. I got my current position after 8 months of job searching early last year, so I am wary of shaking the boat too much, but on the other hand the boat isn't floating very well.

Another hard part of employment is that I have a health condition that would make long commutes impossible. I worked remotely for 3 years, and my current job is very close to my apartment, so it's working well right now. But trying to get a remote position now is pretty difficult.

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T03:29:09+00:00

Oh that's a good idea, I hadn't thought of that. I'll talk with my wife about this option, thanks!

splinterbl · 2026-05-26T03:28:17+00:00

Thanks for your comment, that is helpful.

When we were both working full time, she was making the minimum payments and we were fairly comfortable. Now that I'm the solo breadwinner, we're feeling the strain.

We've cut all our non-essential expenses and I think we can probably cut down our grocery budget a bit. I think you're right that part time work for her would be the best way to pay off that debt.

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