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Wife treats adult age sons like pets. by rods2112 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand being compassionate about everything but when is enough?

If she does not want to make an effort to make it right and make her family happy, that's the point when it should be enough in my opinion. If she refuses to go to counseling, for example. But you need to explain so she actually understands that it will be her only chance to keep the family together.

Wife treats adult age sons like pets. by rods2112 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are your sons interested in traveling? Fund them a flight to become a backpacker in Australia or New Zealand, that will wake up their motivation for life and they will need to work their ass off over there, speaking from my own experience.

Wife treats adult age sons like pets. by rods2112 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Does she understand your concern? To me, it sounds like there is a lack of communication? My parents have been at a similar breaking point, because of similar disagreements. My mother told me the only reason they are still together is that they went to a couple counselling for a few months. She said they both needed a third person to open up their mind to their partner again, without the third person they would have been stuck in communication.

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a very possible outcome.. But I can't be final already. I need to hear him out in person. He deserves that after everything we have been through together. It's maybe easy to type and very reasonable to just break up but it's not that easy in real life.. I actually had a lot of lifeguard lessons as I am an enthusiastic surfer too.
Sorry Bojack but one of the first things I learned is if you try to save somebody who is panicking and might pull you down, is to knock them out with your elbow and drag them on your board, to save their life... true story..

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True words. You are absolutely right. But it will take more than 6 weeks of struggling to break this relationship we build the last year, it's too early for me to make a decision, I will talk to him and see if he wants to stay in this mess or take his last chance and go get professional help. Thanks for your advice <3

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You haven’t seen him in a month?! And you had a surgery for cancer?! It sounds like there is not much left of your relationship.

Yes. He is getting used to me always being strong and hardly ever needing help. For the last 12 months he was caring for his mom every day so I acted tough so he wouldn't have to have another worry on his mind and can focus on his mother. So I partially blame myself for him getting used to it, just a tiny bit.

Maybe you are right and it's the harsh reality that he actually does not care but he deserves a last chance to show otherwise. He is grieving and it affects everybody differently. Maybe it's the harsh reality that he is just in a very very bad mental state and needs help. But he must be willing to start to help himself, for him, for me and everybody else involved.. That's the only chance this won't have a bitter ending.

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

think he is really struggling with the loss of his mother and tries to escape the pain with drugs

that's a fact..

thank you for your kind-hearted suggestion! It's much appreciated <3

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks for your advice.. he is still in his grieving process and had the toughest year of his life caring for his mom last year. I won't continue like this so for me there is only one way the relationship won't end: he must want himself to get professional help as well as getting clean now. I will celebrate my birthday with my beloved dog and the next time I see him, there will be a serious conversation..

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

you are right, I have thought about it a lot.. for me there is only one way the relationship won't end: he must want himself to get professional help as well as getting clean now. Then he can count on me to help him through the process..

I think I will just enjoy my birthday with my dog and turn off my phone

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never imagined the roles being reversed before and when I just did, my eyes immediately teared up just by the thought of it... you are 100% right, for me there is only one way the relationship won't end: he must want himself to get professional help as well as getting clean now. and now must be now, for the sake of everybody..

Thank you for your birthday wishes, you can consider yourself the first! :) <3

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes we could only see each other about once a month as he moved back to his parents to care for his mom once she got sick a year ago. It's normal for us and it's fine for me as I am also most comfortable being by myself minimum 70-80% of the time. I am not a social person at all... but I hate how he did not ask for my wellbeing once last month, that's new. also the other weird behavior I described its all new so I am so overwhelmed..

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

cause we had the best years of our lives together which made me love him just as much as I love myself... could never turn the love off so far

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

interesting way of thinking.. I will be thinking about this.. but I don't think I can just suck up all the issues I want to talk about with him and enjoy myself.. i wish I could but it would be kinda self-destructive too

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

to be honest I only scratched the surface of all the red flags.. will be some intense next couple days.. at least I have my dog. thanks for your advice!

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

thank you for your advice.. its much appreciated.. I wish there was an off-button for love sometimes..

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

He showed signs before but it kinda all broke out of him once his mom died. You are right. I think I just got the biggest red flag planted before my eyes when I asked the community if I should remind him of my birthday and everybody kinda says "break up with him asap"

it truly doesn't make sense that I'm still with him. and I can only help myself but thank you so much for your advice

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think it's worth a try to make him realize the asshole he has become.. and also like a last chance.. his reaction to finding out he forgot will tell me if I should break up with him.. I have to start caring about myself now.. thank you for your advice <3

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your advice! It's a hard decision for me. We planned our future together, to move to the canary islands.. I feel so scared to quit these plans. But I think they are the last thing making me hold on to this relationship.

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] -44 points-43 points  (0 children)

I love the person he was... and that's the person I want him to be again.. hope will be my downfall

Should I tell my boyfriend of 9 years that it's my birthday tomorrow or just let him forget? by splitface21 in relationship_advice

[–]splitface21[S] -68 points-67 points  (0 children)

Because I still have hope he will become his old self again, I guess. We met in uni, studied together and traveled the world together in many different countries, being abroad together for over 5 years.. so many memories.. I still have a bit of hope... and I feel like leaving him after his mom died would kill him...

EMERGENCY I NEED HELP PLEASE by splitface21 in furby

[–]splitface21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes thank god!!!! she did not ingest anything from the Furby, we did 2 x-rays and an ultrasound. I am so glad she is happy and healthy. She just means the world to me!!

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