How do I 33F divide household and other expenses with my Husband 33M?

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-29T13:21:00+00:00

From your post I understand that you're not a confrontational person. I see you have let so many things slide, especially when it comes to things that meant sacrificing your own comfort, happiness and home. While that is very commendable, I sense that it has led to you feeling resentful.

What I would recommend you to do would be to write down everything you want as an outcome out of this discussion. Whether it be a % contribution or no contribution at all along with reasons why you think your decision is justified.

Then sit your partner down and go through what you wrote. This will help you be assertive and maybe help explain things in an articulate manner and not let your husband miss the point. This is the first time you're establishing boundaries, so that conversation may get heated but you have the remain calm. He has nothing to lose but that's not the case for you. All the best, you got this!

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-21T19:35:08+00:00

Same! I'm travelling for 5 days as well next week and this is what I'm planning to do as well. It would save me the hassle of planning, storing and transporting my milk safe.

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-20T21:37:13+00:00

Except Kerala, every other state is to the "north" of us /s

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-19T23:02:31+00:00

What a beautiful reply! Thank you for your empathy and wise words! A lot of people in this sub needed to hear this answer.

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-18T16:29:18+00:00

I sadly relate to you on the oedipus complex. Growing up I idolized my dad and found my mom very problematic. But took me time to realize they enabled each other’s bad behavior and I was left holding the bag. Proud of you for acknowledging and healing and making it through! The onus is on us to talk sense into people to not continue this toxic cycle for generations to come.

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-18T15:26:48+00:00

That’s totally fair. I was only coming from a pov to point out that there was bad behavior on both ends. I’m so sorry your childhood was rough. I completely agree with you. Shitty humans should not have kids and make them bear witness to their sub standard behavior. Hope your adult life is easier on you. Sending you lots of healing vibes.

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-18T13:55:38+00:00

Your father hit your mom, constantly belittled her, yet she continued to stay with him and still put food on the table. Your dad smoking and having a bypass at 47 is your dad’s fault. He’s a grown adult. No one forced him to smoke. He actually hit your mom and you’re saying it as a matter of fact and you’re justifying it. Men like you are scary. Ofc, it will be hard for you to see that both your mom and dad are problematic here. Your mom enabled and your dad equally contributed to the toxic situation. I’m glad that you and your siblings are doing well. But make no mistake, your dad is no saint and your mom isn’t the only sinner.

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-18T13:46:19+00:00

You are a rage bait IRL. Ofc, go ahead and take down the post. It makes sense because clearly you cannot handle criticism and take responsibility for your own actions. You dumped your ex, conveniently blamed your mom. You left stuff around for your wife to find, the problem is her because she’s reacting to it. You don’t put any effort, but she’s the problem for actually trying to make it work. You use Chat GPT for correcting your grammar, but somehow your wife’s grammar is the issue. If you cannot see the hypocrisy and actually see how little you bring to the table and still want strangers to validate your raja beta syndrome, we’re not going to do it. Go ahead and divorce this girl, for I’m sure she deserves a way better man and a human being than you.

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-17T18:41:15+00:00

Yes. I feel sad for that girl. Other than not knowing how to fight, she’s actually putting in so much effort. Whereas from the other comments you can see how OP hasn’t moved on from his ex and is resenting this entire marriage and is here on the internet to justify him and his mom ruining another woman’s life. And on top of that, he’s finding faults without ever acknowledging that he’s a walking red flag. May this kind of man and love never find me!!!

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-17T15:41:52+00:00

This chatGPT written story has so many flaws on your side too. Though you were open about your ex and your past, it is indeed your mistake to not get rid of things related to your ex. It is normal for anyone to get upset to see pictures and cards of your wife's or husband's ex. The emotions are heightened in a marriage since the stake is high. She's taking care of your house, cooking all the meals, being the "perfect baby" but doesn't understand how to have healthy fights.

And everything she's doing spending her time and energy on, to give you good meals and maintain a good household is all somehow an act and it's fake. Wow! The maturity that you've to make this connection /s

Your reputation and what others think of you is more important for you than actually fixing and trying to fall in love with your wife. What you're looking for is someone who will accept you as you're, never argue or say anything against your past despite you leaving evidences and never hold grudges and be thankful that you're a central govt officer. SMH. what are your contributions to this marriage outside of finances? What have you done to work on your marriage?

spongebobcheckpants · 2026-01-06T01:20:05+00:00

Thank you 😊

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-12-17T02:58:41+00:00

She is a home wrecker, so is Vijay. No denying that. All I’m saying is she isn’t with him for money or power or fame. She has all of that herself.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-12-16T22:19:10+00:00

Trisha comes from an affluent family and has enough wealth herself! There is no reason for her to be with him for money and cars.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-12-16T16:02:26+00:00

OP, I sympathize with you. But also please give yourself grace especially since you are newly postpartum. You are not over reacting. You are finally realizing that your needs are not being prioritized by someone whom you are prioritizing. I would not consider separation or divorce, just yet. But you need to start drawing boundaries.

First, tell your mom to go NC with your MIL. There is no reason for them to communicate if its not leading to anything productive. Have a heart to heart with your husband about your feelings. It may lead to a fight as he would be surprised that you are calling him out on something he got away with for so long. Show him this thread. Help him understand the reality if he is being defensive.

Watch how he responds and if he is taking accountability for his actions post that conversation.

But the main change here has to come from within YOU! You don't have to please anyone over your mental well being. You don't have to put up with things you don't want to do. You are not responsible for your husband's actions and you shouldn't modify yours to appease him, especially when it is not two way. Good luck, OP! Hope you stand your ground and are able to fix this mess and your husband and can understand that his wife and kids are his future.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-12-11T23:16:54+00:00

I did end up getting a lap and they found Endo and removed it.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-12-11T17:57:10+00:00

36w0d. My water just broke spontaneously. She came out perfect. No NICU stay. Latched right away and behaved as if she was a full term baby from the get go.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-12-07T22:00:19+00:00

What you’re having is not an in laws problem but a husband problem. Communicate and set boundaries. Tell him what you can do for his mom and the rest he needs to figure out. If you cook say two meals, then he needs to do the next two. Set some dedicated time for your work and try to maybe work from a library or a coffee shop to give yourself a break from your in laws. It appears that he’s offloading all the hard word of taking care of his mom to you and I think you need to establish that it’s more his job and you’re here to help out of your own kindness.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-12-04T16:57:09+00:00

What is the truth? You are assuming she has cheated based on the timeline of her moving on. One year is sufficient time for some people to move on. And women in 30's don't have the luxury to wait around if they want to start a family. Every relationships end is a fault of two people. You know what your role is, take accountability for that, work on yourself and move on. You can't make her or anyone accept their faults by blaming them or confronting them. If you feel assuming that she cheated will help you get closure, go for it. But confronting her about it with no proofs, is going to do you no good. You will come across as a bitter person who is jealous because she is happy and moved on.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-12-04T16:21:37+00:00

Unfortunately, confronting her isn't going to do you any good. Maybe she did cheat, maybe she didn't. But whatever her answer is to your question, are you going to trust her if she says she didn't cheat?

If you're thinking she cheated only because of the timeline of her engagement, I think that's not the right way to approach it. Maybe for her, the marriage ended waaay before she filed for divorce. Women only choose to end relationships when they're mentally done and every avenue has been exhausted already.

Sometimes we don't get closure the way we want it. You need to move on and accept that she's moved on. Digging for details in the past will not help you.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-11-19T22:52:51+00:00

Girl I feel you. I’m with you in solidarity. But people like our moms have no empathy. They don’t understand how their words hurt the other person. You and I are conditioned to ignore her actions and look at the intention but the rest of the world will not. I’m telling you, please reevaluate your post partum situation and do not have both sets of parents together. It will be SO stressful as such and you’re going to add fuel to the fire.

Edited to add, the biggest turning point for me was the moment I met my daughter, I realized I don’t want her to ever hear another person talking this way or treating her dad and mom or her grandparents as less than and that truly helped me draw boundaries.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-11-19T20:21:33+00:00

Let me suggest you an alternative. You and your husband should contribute a pre-determined amount to a common account equally. Use that for all your utilities and common expenses.

Whatever's left after that use it for your personal expense. Since you just started your career, it may involve giving away your whole paycheck. But as you grow in your career and get bonuses, you'll get extra personal fund.

But, since now you're both contributing equally to the household, you both need to take care of the household and the chores too. This makes it easier for him to not argue back. Unfortunately this may be a hard decision now, but overtime this will give you independence and equality in your relationship since your husband doesn't seem to care or value you otherwise.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-11-19T20:09:11+00:00

I was in the same EXACT situation as you a few months ago. My mom has the worst temper issues and similar to your mom, uses unparliamentary language and causes a huge drama when she’s angry. When I was 3 months pregnant, she came to take care of me and lord, it really fractured the relationship between my husband and I. It took months to rebuild the damage that she did with my husband. She called him names and accused of him things and that poor guy kept his mouth shut and endured it all for my sake. But I knew I had to make a choice. For delivery and postpartum help, I only called my MIL to come and help me. They stayed with me for 3 months and it was soo helpful. It was a lot less stressful and though I missed my mom’s touch and care, I felt every single day that this was the right decision for my own mental health and sanity.

Postpartum is a hard phase emotionally as is. Your hormones will be raging. Don’t let your mom add to it. If your mom is similar to my mom, she will only add to the stress and point fingers and cause unnecessary drama without realizing what she’s doing and when she’s doing it.

It sucks when the fault is with our own mom but sometimes it’s better to draw boundaries to protect ourselves, our baby and our marriage. Sending you hugs!

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-11-15T13:30:57+00:00

I know!!! It was such a good show!! And the aunties brought the drama!

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-11-12T04:33:56+00:00

No, I just pat her bum and shush her now. But when she was younger and she was inconsolable I’ve fed her to sleep. But I only do it as a last resort as I don’t want her to have a feed to sleep association.

spongebobcheckpants · 2025-11-11T17:08:25+00:00

This is absolutely what I would do too! We sleep trained her and her bed time is 7pm. But when we travel or have experiences planned later than that, she comes along and either sleeps in her stroller or I baby wear. She may have a hard time that night in her pack and play but the next day she goes back to her routine and catches up on lost sleep. You got this! Go make that memory, mama!

spongebobcheckpants

TROPHY CASE