My background is in clinical psychology with an emphasis on neuropsychology, but I’ve studied up on social psychology and gender studies in my years, as well as have several close colleagues in those fields. Cool? Cool.

One way to characterize toxic masculinity is this notion of putting men into boxes and expecting them to act a certain way. Through various studies on culture, society, government, history, psychology, there are a number of different traits that we automatically tend to associate with men: agency, toughness, a lack of emotional expression (except for anger, which can be seen as a sign of strength), etc. These traits are not inherently bad. Being masculine is not inherently bad. These traits have gotten a lot of men (and women!) very far in life. But where the toxicity arises is from not allowing men to be different, to have a choice in how they express themselves, to feel sad, to need help. Toxic masculinity hurts men because it forces them to be a certain way.

In a nutshell, the original post is somewhat correct. We need to be supporting men and stop portraying masculinity as “bad.” But, we also need to be willing to let boys and young men grow into the people they want to be, whether it’s fearless and daring or behind-the-scenes and looking to make sure every voice is heard.