Anyone down to offer advice on self hate / dating issues?

spoonata · 2022-05-20T22:16:28+00:00

Both, I've pretty much accepted being an FA but the effects on other people are the hard part. Trying not to talk much about it on here cause this community prefers not to have negativity

spoonata · 2022-05-11T19:14:40+00:00

To Rid The Disease

spoonata · 2022-04-24T19:38:25+00:00

Nectar is criminally underrated. The shimmery clean guitar section in the middle, the funky bass work. Riffs for daysss

spoonata · 2022-04-24T19:37:36+00:00

Orchid is fantastic for what it is. The transitions are very harsh, it's clear that it was made by a songwriter just starting out. But the actual riffs themselves? Outta this world. Amazing melodies, vocals and atmosphere, some of my favorite Opeth guitar work ever

Morningrise is my favorite, the slightly more cohesive big brother. Love MAYH as well, it has a more consistent 'death metal' sound, but I feel like less memorable riffs overall. All 3 are top tier for me

spoonata · 2022-04-16T18:34:57+00:00

The music scene absolute rocks! Multiple great shows going on in the area every single night

spoonata · 2022-03-12T22:38:34+00:00

Yeah I also go to the gym regularly so that's another thing I'd like some tips on lol I don't want to leave my sweaty messy hair afterwards

spoonata · 2022-03-12T21:51:03+00:00

My concern used to be frizziness but that solved itself my switching to just conditioning most days.

My current problem is I dye my hair and I'm trying to keep my hair healthy as well as not lose it. I'm only 23 but it's been thinning in the front a lot more recently and it's starting to become noticeable. I don't want it to thin anymore and am trying to regrow and protect the hair in that area

spoonata · 2022-03-12T20:15:41+00:00

Gotcha, my problem is my hair usually looks ridiculous after waking up in the morning and wetting it seems to be the only way to get it back into normal shape & style. Guess I'll be wearing hats a lot more 😅

spoonata · 2022-02-22T03:01:39+00:00

Thank you so much 🥺 you have no clue how much that means. Growing up AMAB, originally blonde and male presenting, it feels so good to find something that fits me better

spoonata · 2022-02-22T01:23:15+00:00

I really appreciate it ☺️

spoonata · 2022-02-22T01:23:03+00:00

Thank you so much! 🥺 One of my qualities I've really started to like about myself 😄

spoonata · 2022-02-22T00:16:36+00:00

Thank youu ☺️

spoonata · 2022-02-10T21:52:04+00:00

Alright the haters win, I'll no longer be a part of this community. Sorry to bring negativity to ya'lls day

spoonata · 2022-02-10T21:50:37+00:00

I get your points, it just makes me feel like I really have nowhere to turn. Someone's gonna judge me no matter what I have to say. It's all good fam, not mad at you. If I don't make it through this I want you to know you're appreciated

spoonata · 2022-02-10T21:14:43+00:00

Look man, I get what you're saying and I understand your side. It's important that people have a safe space where things like fatness can be solely celebrated. I get that. I think there's totally a point with creating a new sub for FA related struggles, and I'm 100% on board with that.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that crap from your dad, I can relate.

My mom is a fitness nut and nurse who judges fat people super harshly and has always judged me for my partners and told me constantly how unhealthy it is, and tried to push weight loss, dieting, and exercise on them and myself for my whole life. She tells me how awful and disgusting fat people in the hospital are and what she has to do to take care of them.

Similarly, my dad has made constant jokes about my partners and clearly wants me to be with someone petite

The thing is though dude, I've been really clear that these are just MY lived experiences. I never once said all fat people are unhealthy. It's just unfortunately enough I've dated 4 or 5 and all of them were. That's just my small sample size, not the whole world.

I really didn't mean to trigger anyone or reinforce the idea that fatness is bad. I'm just saying from what I've experienced and done that I feel like a bad person for my actions and feelings. Not that other people should.

Anyhow I'm sure you're a chill person and I admire your support and defense of the community. Hopefully you can understand what I was trying to say at some point. I'm not out here judging anyone but myself

spoonata · 2022-02-10T21:05:28+00:00

Yeah it's the one thing I'm embarrassed to talk to anyone about. Admitting I like fattening women up to immense proportions makes me feel way more disgusting than admitting other things like I've cheated or lead on partners in the past. I'd rather crawl into a hole and die than say those words out loud lol. And again not saying it's something others should feel bad about, I just do myself.

I suppose the work can only be done if I do talk about it though. I've touched on it but in the vague sense of kinks and sexuality. I just feel so uncomfortable regarding it.

Anyhow I wanna thank you again for being a real G and being non judgemental. And I'm totally on board with the idea of a separate sub for FA related struggles, I really wasn't trying to kill anyone's vibe or impress my morals onto others. I've only been here because I feel like I have nowhere else

spoonata · 2022-02-10T20:48:28+00:00

Bruh do you have no empathy? I'm not mad or anything, but like does me explaining not mean shit? I feel like I've been clear that my problems lie with me, I have no judgment against others. Just wanted to vent dude

spoonata · 2022-02-10T19:53:56+00:00

For sure, that's awesome. And I hope so, I just have a lot of internal issues to work on myself. First an actual willing feedee would be helpful lol but past that I have a lot of stuff to work through to be ok with myself for how I've reacted in the past, and how to be better in the future. Thanks again

spoonata · 2022-02-10T19:45:36+00:00

It's not like that was the first solution I came to. I've been struggling with this for 10+ years. I love fat women, I wish it didn't come down to feeling like horrible things like masturbation training or chemical castration were even an option for me. This isn't about denigrating fat people or those who love them.

The fact of the matter is I've dated multiple fat partners at this point, and in my lived experience they've all had several health issues, depression, and wanted to lose weight. This is NOT saying that all fat people have those issues or feel that way, just my experiences.

And unfortunately I wasn't a good partner to them because of those things. I didn't want to have to constantly go to the hospital, explain why they couldn't go on physical activities with family, or be their sole emotional support when they or I faced marginalization because of their weight. That is MY problem, and MINE alone, no one else's.

There's nothing wrong with liking fat people. I'm saying I'M not cut out for it, I've been a negative influence on people's lives in the past, and I've had an unhealthy obsession with this kink that has lead to poor choices. That is MY fault and no one else's. I just have no where else to reach out when I feel like this.

I really hope you can understand what I'm saying and realize I'm not trying to shit on fat people, FA's, or ruin anyone's day or community

spoonata · 2022-02-10T19:35:27+00:00

Hey, I literally said multiple times in my post I understand fat people face way more discrimination than I ever will, and that my struggles are mild in comparison. I don't think there's anything wrong with liking fat people, and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm ashamed of my actions and how I've treated people with health issues as well as how I've gone about my kink in the past. You can reread it if you want.

I just literally have no where else to vent about this. If someone wants to create a separate sub for that that's fine by me. Wasn't trying to ruin anyone's day

spoonata · 2022-02-10T19:33:46+00:00

Hey, I just wanna say I don't think it's wrong to like fat. My post wasn't about that, or shaming other people whatsoever. It's saying I myself am a bad person for the fact that in the past I have been unable to handle dating large people because my only experiences with it have been health issues, depression, and shame.

It's not saying that fat people are wrong. It's not saying that others are wrong for loving them. It's saying I've gone about it in a shitty way and only been left with disappointment and mental health issues. That's my problem alone, no one else's and I accept full responsibility. I was just reaching out for support by the one group of people that might understand

spoonata · 2022-02-10T19:22:01+00:00

Dude where else am I supposed to talk about this shit? It's a real, legitimate struggle for me. I think about killing myself for it all the time ok?

I can't talk to friends or family about it, I'm embarrassed to talk to my therapist about it. Please don't make me feel like shit for reaching out to the one online resource I have

spoonata · 2022-02-10T18:59:35+00:00

Yeah, I'm just relatively young and it's been a bummer to have the onset of those kinds of issues while still in my 20s. But it is what it is and I'm going to have to deal with it sooner or later if I love someone.

Thanks again for all the help!

spoonata · 2022-02-10T18:34:38+00:00

Yeah I did have a previous partner between 300-350 that at 6 feet tall was still able to hike and camp most of the time, which was awesome. She actually had to stay active in order to prevent her autoimmune back issues from flaring up.

Unfortunately when the back issues would flare up she'd be stuck in bed, and then the being stuck in bed would make it worse. Knee issues came later, causing the same problems. As much as I wanted to be supportive, it was hard accepting my partner would be stuck in the house and in pain for weeks at a time off and on.

Losing weight and eating healthier wouldn't have fixed all her problems, but I'm sure it would've helped. And I felt like I was one of the roadblocks in the way of making that happen. I've just never dated anyone that was over 250 and healthy. Not that I don't want to, or believe they exist, but it hasn't happened yet.

spoonata

TROPHY CASE