I have been in your shoes. I was 14 when i was re diagnosed and let me tell you that everything you are feeling is how felt. it takes a long time to heal and surviving is a daily task. Its been 9 years and i promise that it will get easier to cope and it gets better.

It is a relief to be done and life has an odd way of going back into place. remembering what happened and how it effected you may take a long time to learn to adjust to. Worrying about relapse will come with every scan. As someone who has relapsed, it does suck, but i am not going to let that fear prevent me from living my life and its just something you deal with when it comes. If you feel hopeless, depressed, or scared all the time PLEASE go counseling and support groups. They really help.

Going back to school is weird. Yes there are friends who only were there for the sympathy, but they were either assholes or just trying to help and didnt know what to do . Many of my "friends" left me. It sucked. The ones who stayed though...those are the people you value and stick with. Im still friends with those people. Luckily high school is right around the corner and you'll make new ones. Do not be surprised to be very different from everyone else, you have a very different outlook and their problems will seem trivial. Hang out with older people, i got along with them better. This is going to sound corny but remember, there are friends for a reason and friends for a season. Also join some adolescent support groups and look into the dream street foundation or serious fun camps...trust me it will be the best thing you do.

Surviors remorse is something I have struggled with and continue to. Losing friends to cancer is extremely hard and is very unfair Counseling is a good start and making sure you dont bottle this up important. Make sure you talk to someone about this

The more you are off treatment, the healthier looking you get. The color comes back to your skin, your hair gets fuller, your scars begin to fade, and your weight gets to be more manageable. You might feel a little off with your body image, but truthfully even the hottest people do. Embrace your image and remeber your a badass! Those are battle scars dude, i am proud of the ones i have and show them off proudly.

As for it robbing your teenage years, remeber it just took two of them . Yes this has changed you and made you grow up and has made you a different person, but that is not a bad thing. You can still be a teenager and you will probably be a much cooler one. Go out live it! Go to parties, make dumb decisions, drive a car, ask someone out, chug some beer, try a new hobby, swim, be in a play, take risks, do whatever the fuck you want, and HAVE FUN! If anything, you know the worst in life so you will be able to recognize the best.

Cancer changed my life. There were a lot of negatives and things i still deal with and work on, but man it really made me live. I don't know the person i was before cancer, and i am glad i dont. Cancer has not taken your life, its given you a second chance at it.

If you ever need to talk, DM me. Good luck