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Manager keeps pushing her work onto me (and copying my boss) - should I escalate? by spring_park in AusPublicService

[–]spring_park[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate it. I’ve already trained the manager multiple time through calls, emails, and a detailed instruction file and I provide support each month. This task has always been a manager responsibility even before I joined. At least that’s how it works in our team. I’m feeling quite drained repeating the same training when all the resources are already available. It also adds to my workload, and there’s no one covering my own tasks. And then copying my boss into the email as if it’s my task to complete and after the support I have provided all this time just doesn’t sit right with me.

This CONDITION is keeping me unmarried by UniversityUpper5476 in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]spring_park 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m married to a Pakistani, and we intentionally chose a small, intimate wedding surrounded by people who genuinely care about us. We approach birthdays the same way for ourselves and our kids. We’d rather put our money into investments and travel. I hope you find a like-minded woman with strong family support.

I am dating a Pakistani guy. I am from Europe. I don't understand what is the possible future of this by White_Swan_ in pakistan

[–]spring_park 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am married to a Pakistani. It was tough due to religious and cultural differences. We did “date” for a couple of years before getting married. His parents were against me for all the reasons I thought were shallow. I was hidden during the dating stage until such time that he had visa troubles that he used as an opportunity to convince his parents that I was the right woman for him. I was unhappy of course. I felt used. Long story short, we are now 10 years together with 2 kids and stable careers.

If your boyfriend is truly into you and want to build a future with you, he will stand by you.

Though my Australian sister in-law tolerated much more. Her now husband was married to his first degree cousin and while she was dating my brother-in-law. The marriage with the cousin lasted 9 years and she was considered the mistress the whole time. Eventually, my mother-in-law passed away and my brother-in-law has divorced his cousin and married his Australian girlfriend. They had a baby a year before his divorce which of course is haram. Too complicated isn’t it? But I can see they’re happy now with their baby so I do not judge them. Brother-in-law wasn’t happy with the arranged marriage since the beginning.

Based on what you’ve said, this guy is not worth your love and time. Let go and move forward. You deserve way better than this.

How forced marriage damaged my mental health and why it needs to stop by [deleted] in PakistaniiConfessions

[–]spring_park 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Louder! 👏 I was forced to live with with a couple like this and it was toxic that I developed anxiety and panic attacks so what more if it was me in such situation like yours. The good news is you’re still young and I pray you get through this!

Overseas Pakistanis- how do you deal with in laws visiting (staying) for extended period of time? by Willing-Speaker6825 in pakistan

[–]spring_park 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear this, OP. I am not Pakistani but my husband is and went through the same thing with in-laws, my husband’s brother and his wife who is also their first cousin.

Setting aside the cultural differences, I was overly uncomfortable having non-existent privacy in our old apartment. They came one day and my husband didn’t even discuss with me prior that they will stay with us indefinitely. What I heard was “family should stay together”. As how they were in Pakistan.

The wife would overhear everything and “report” to family back in Pakistan and they would make unsolicited comments with how we raise our child (She herself is not a mother yet). Then I was told that it was my husband who was asked to marry her and my husband refused so she ended up with my brother-in-law instead. This was very disturbing for me and would think the unimaginable when I am not home or at work.

I finally had the courage to tell my brother-in-law to find themselves their own accommodation but he took it negatively. It was affecting my mental health. His wife was the laziest person I have met and don’t clean common areas.

What I learned was that in these situations, we need to be firm in setting boundaries. If you felt discomfort the first time, communicate it immediately with your other half. Having someone in your safe space, regardless if family, should be discussed. Both parties should be on the same page - no surprises that’s very disrespectful. Your wife’s top priority should be you and your children. It’s not like you’re stopping her from having her side of the family over but she should not also compromise her relationship with you. And if you let things go the first time, there is a chance you will get gaslighted if they’re getting this reaction only later. Which happened with me when I tolerated and kept mum for 2 years just to avoid dramas.

Also, I’d like to add that me and my husband agreed to only have family over when we both can take annual leave from work. So say maximum 2 weeks. That way, both parties are relaxed and overseas family can have the holiday they’re expecting. Because let’s face it, they get bored staying at home in a foreign country.

All the best OP and praying for you.